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[personal profile] brightrosefox
...hush now; let me speak...
And sometimes there are days when all you can feel is that pain-filled urge to fly and fall, and all you can think is "If only I could make the world fly and fall with my brain; if only I could win my own game, always."

There are millions like you, like River Tam - in brain, in body, in mind, enduring exam upon exam. And sometimes they can play and win, every day, not showing pain, not even slight, but then, at night... there comes that inner howling storm and rain. The dark is cool and hidden, and we can cry and scream our secret fears, release the agony and the tears.
Nobody can scold or fault us. We alone pass power between us. We play hidden secret games. In our thoughts we will not be shamed.
We are who we are. We are what we are. We walk wires and razors and we scream and then laugh. What are we advocating for if not knowledge to the core? Under moonlight we dream other worlds, power too. Our bodies and brains know what to do.
One day, we will speak soft and slow "I'm all right... I'm all right." If only for tonight.
Scatter your diamonds all around. Draw your swords and spears. Let them flow free, your tears. Fight when you can. Rest when you can. Listen for that powerful sound - it will be the sound of advocacy.
However you see yourself, feel yourself, know yourself... it is for you. Your armor can be made of diamonds or steel or pure soul, or anything you want to use. Light your inner fuse.
Keep calling. I am here. I am here. You are never alone. You are you. You are here. You always have a chance. We can fly and fall with our brains. And no matter what, we dance.

joannarivertam1

My knowledge smirk is a kind smirk. The cosmetics I wear represent my battle paint.
And it is all about the brain. It is all about the dance. It doesn't matter how we dance or why we dance. We are advocates. We are fighters. Dancing in our minds and dreams lead to dancing with power. Sometimes our brains get sick. Sometimes our brains break. Sometimes our bodies do the same. We can pick ourselves up and choose how we heal, how we get help, what we need. We do not seek pity, we do not cry desperately beyond our circles. We dance. We dance until we cry and scream and howl and rage into the moonlight. In the words of River Tam, "I'm all right. I'm all right!" But perhaps it will take years, decades, forever, to truly be all right. We just keep dancing. We have power. We have knowledge. No one can take that away. We live how we live, we seek comfort in ourselves and with each other. If you want to cry, I will cry with you. If you want to battle, I will battle with you.
Being in your head is important. Your brain is in there. Your brain can dance. Remember that.
"No power in the 'verse can stop me." "They didn't want her here, but she couldn't make herself to leave. So she melted. Melted away. They didn't know she could do that, but she did." "You see, the snow on the roof is too heavy, you see, the ceiling will cave in. His brains are in terrible danger." "Little soul, big world. Eat, sleep, and eat. Many souls." "They were waiting to be, but they forgot. Now they see sky, and they remember what they are." "The sun came out, and I walked on my feet and heard with my ears. I hate the bits, the bits that stay down and I work, I f-function like I'm a girl. I hate it because I know it'll go away! The sun grows dark and chaos has come again. It's... fluids. What am I?" "I remember everything. I remember too much. And some of it's made up, and some of it can't be quantified, and there's secrets, and..." "Two by two. Everyone has a match, a mate, a dopple. I love you." "Also, I can kill you with my brain."
Sometimes, we cannot be cured at all. Sometimes, we can barely be treated, let alone healed, let alone soothed. And that is all right. Don't be afraid to wear your invisible armor. You have your weapons whenever you need them. You have soldiers to call whenever you need them. We are here. We are there. We are the disabled, the chronically sick, the chronically ill, the chronically pained. We know ourselves well enough. We love to speak out. We love to advocate. We kindly reply, "Thank you, but I do not wish to participate in your personal health vendettas, you sweet well-meaning but incredibly frustrating people." See, that is just how we know ourselves, you see.
No power in the 'verse can stop us. Spoons are fragile. Spears are sharp. Always be prepared. Battle is like dancing. Embrace it.

jorivertam2

(No, I have no idea what any of this, what it means, or where it came from. It is certainly stream of consciousness. I just love the character of River Tam from 'Firefly' and how she represents, in my mind, working with what I have in regards to my own permanent disabilities and chronic illnesses.)
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