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...because I have no idea if anyone is watching this show.

I knew it! Sarah and Helena were the twins. That's why Sarah could have biological children while the (other) clones were sterile.
I still believe Sarah and Helena are the Original Experiments, and that Kira has that healing factor because of all the insanity in Sarah's DNA. No wonder any offspring of either Sarah or Helena would be... superpowered, essentially.

I honestly have no clue why I love the show so much. It airs right after "Doctor Who" on BBC America, so I keep on with it just because. But it's getting so freaking awesome. I hope Season Two gets awesomer. I hope my theory about Sarah is correct.

Into Tired

May. 26th, 2013 01:14 am
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Adam took me to see Star Trek Into Darkness. IMAX 3D. (IMAX 3D somehow tasted like red push pins or thumb tacks. I don't make up these rules, I just synesthete them.)
I still stand by this previous observation:
However, having seen the thing (and giggled and eyerolled and also snickered during the famous "reverse radiation" scene) I can say that it really was enjoyable for what it was. A simple alternate universe Kirk era Star Trek with different stuff happening. Errors and complaints noted. Also, OW MY PHYSICS quite often. And also, Kirk's famous speech at the end and the nice segue into the original Star Trek theme was lovely, and I did clap a bit.
(I get that people were really outraged that Khan was played by a Caucasian British guy. Because Ricardo Montalban's Khan was a South Asian character played by a Latino actor. So, white actor = not a good idea. Lots of people wrote angry blog posts that basically all said... something something superhuman supremacist genetically perfect humans etc... I think? Or... or... migraine? I don't know, ow. I just know that Social Justice Issues Regarding Humans Versus Genetically Upgraded Superior Humans Versus Superior Humanoid Aliens Can Be Complicated.)
(Wait, wait. Also, what about the other 72 genetic upgrades? Especially since at the end, they were spoiler?)

Also, when we all got up to leave, my left side decided to show how hemiplegic it can get after three hours of IMAX 3D, and I dragged my left leg while clutching my purse handle in my left first which couldn't open, and Adam took my right hand and we walked slowly behind Charlotte and Billy until we got to the parking lot. While Adam stopped at Charlotte and Billy's car to chat, I hobbled to our car and got in and buckled in and waited for sensation and mobility to kick back in. It was better by the time we got home twenty minutes later. It took two full hours to really come back, and then it was like fire ants. I always hate that part.

Hemiplegia, hemiparesis, and hypertonia all at once sucks, guys. Try to avoid it.
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Oh. Oh, dear.
...I don't think I can pay to see this movie anymore.
I mean, sure, it is probably extremely enjoyable. Yes. And I know the Io9 article was very tongue in cheek. But still. You know?
Besides, I heard it was very loud and literally irritating in theaters and my hypersensitivity with sensory processing disorder hates that.

Now, with the first movie, Adam and I were able to facepalm and repeat "It's just fiction, it's just fiction... OW MY SCIENCE. It's okay, it's okay, it's just fiction... OW MY PHYSICS." And after we stopped comforting each other and rocking back and forth (I kept stroking his hair and whispering "It's okay, sweetie, emphasis on the fiction...") we were able to giggle about it and be amused overall and say it was a very highly enjoyable film for what it was, because a lot of stuff was still very very awesome. But with "Into Darkness"... I dunno, guys. I don't know. Someone please tell me why the movie is awesome enough to love? I want to enjoy it despite all the crazy motherfucking flaws mentioned. But... you know... ow, my science?

To make myself laugh really hard, I shall just enjoy this commercial for the ninth time.
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I did not write this. I just shared it.


Originally posted by [ profile] naamah_darling at NIMH does the smart thing, ditches the DSM
The National Institute of Mental Health is abandoning the DSM.

This is potentially monumental, and I've seen very little mention of it anywhere. Partly, I think, because people don't really grok how big a deal this is.

This is a very good thing, and for those who don't grasp why, I will try to explain. (Though the link does a really great job of it, so really, you can just go read it.)

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) is a big-ass book released by the American Psychiatric Association that provides a standard method of categorization for mental illnesses based on related symptoms. Like a dictionary, it has given doctors, psychiatrists, and other medical professionals a common vocabulary with which to describe and define mental illness, so they are using the same terms in more or less the same ways, and arriving at consistent (even if they are sometimes inaccurate) diagnoses. It has been revised several times since the first edition in 1952, and has been released in four, soon to be five, major versions.

It has been a useful tool, but it is now insufficient. Over and above the fact that it has always and still does pathologize certain normal, healthy behaviors, which I won't go into here, it relies on a primarily medical definition of mental illness. It does not place a diagnosis in context with the patient's environment or upbringing, etc., or even with their experience of their symptoms.*

That would perhaps be tolerable, but . . . the DSM does this by relying on a purely symptomatic mode of classification, without taking into account underlying neurological/biological causes – different things may cause similar symptoms. So, it reduces mental illness to medical causes . . . but doesn't then require there to be a common cause. Disorders are defined by symptom clusters, and not by actual, you know, hard data about neurotransmitters, brain activity, and so forth.

To liken it to something more familiar, chest pain might be caused by blocked blood vessels in the heart, or might be caused by acid reflux. If we were working by the DSM model of diagnosis via symptomatic classification, they would both be the same, yet I am sure every single person reading this understands that a heart attack and heartburn are not at all the same thing. Classifying them under the same category and treating them the same would be disastrous. (The linked article uses the exact same example, yes. Because it's perfect.)

The more we learn about mental illness, the more we learn that it is a tremendously complicated thing. What seems to be one category of illness (depression) can actually be two or more conditions which appear similar but stem from very different biological causes. Depression might be caused by a lack of serotonin. It might be caused by a lack of dopamine. It might be caused by a thyroid imbalance. There is more than one chemical irregularity responsible for the set of symptoms we call "depression."

As an example from my actual life, until recently, bipolar disorder was not divided into bipolar I and bipolar II. There was just bipolar I, which is the classic "manic-depression" that everyone's probably heard of. You didn't get classified as bipolar unless you had manic states. Because this automatically excluded people whose bipolar disorder skewed toward the depressive side and seldom or never ticked into the manic, or excluded people who didn't recognize mania for what it was, bipolar II was often diagnosed as unipolar depression.

When you treat bipolar II like unipolar depression, you can get a very sick and possibly dead bipolar II person. At the very least, you get a person who doesn't get better, because bipolar disorder does not just go away. SSRI drugs, often the first line of defense against depression, usually do not work on bipolar depression. You can see why this sucks.

This mistake is part of why my mother was never diagnosed properly, and why her depression was never managed. She suffered needlessly because of it. For a long time, I did, too. There are ugly real-world consequences to the symptoms-only approach. Not just human suffering, but jacking up data that could have led to better treatments.

Imagine all the bipolar II people who were thought to be depressed who were doubtless included in data collections, in experiments, altering the results. SSRIs don't work on bipolar people, but bipolar II people totally made it into SSRI testing. We can't know what kind of effect this has had. We can know that it isn't good. It's not leading to better drugs. It's not leading to better treatment. It's leading to mistakes. It's leading us to ditch treatments that only work on 10% of people with a particular symptom, when those 10% are mostly people with a totally different underlying condition. That treatment, applied only to the people with that condition, might be 60% effective or more. We have lost opportunities because of this. It is a certainty.

Back in the dark ages, we went at everything symptomatically because we had no way to understand what was happening inside us. We thought that fevers were caused by poisonous emanations from the earth, or evil spirits. Medical treatment was often "bleed more, poop more, puke more, one of those will make you feel better." Well, now we understand things a lot more thoroughly, and we acknowledge that treating the root cause of a thing is better than going after the symptoms and not resolving the issue. Why address lethargy, weight gain, depression, constipation, high cholesterol, and infertility with who knows how many drugs and treatments when you could just treat a simple thyroid hormone deficiency with one very cheap and easy to obtain drug?

This approach has not really spread to mental health yet. Frankly, that's because we do not yet understand the causes well enough to treat them. Without understanding the causes, something like the DSM has some value, diagnostically. It gives us something to go on, and its not completely horrible or inaccurate or anything, just inadequate and far too broad. Clinging to it is unjustifiable.

NIMH's new protocol, the Research Domain Criteria project, or RDoC, is not a new classification system, it will be the framework for gathering data to fill in the gaping holes in our understanding of how mental illness actually works.

Essentially, NIMH, which carries out a great deal of very important mental health information-gathering and research, is jettisoning the DSM as a classification system for purposes of that information-gathering and research. Currently, the DSM classifications are used when researching mental illness, which biases results inherently in favor of those classifications.

It is not going to transform what doctors do and how they treat mental illness starting tomorrow. What it will do is lead us to a better understanding of mental illness, and over time that will lead to radically better treatment.

This is a big step forward for mental health research. In my opinion, we will start seeing results surprisingly soon, as the first waves of research yield more accurate information. There is so much we don't know that increasing the data set even a little bit is going to improve things.

I'm excited about this. I look forward to seeing what new things we learn.

(The fact that NIMH's announcement comes only a few weeks before the DSM-5 is released amuses me.)

* Example: I "hear voices." Also, I am sometimes other people, a little bit. The DSM doesn't acknowledge those things as a deliberately and carefully cultivated coping mechanism, only as a bad thing indicative of other bad things. In context, it is healthy. In the book, it's pathological. Regardless, it's a sanity-saver, and one I continually seek to reinforce. Doesn't matter how it looks on paper. Say hello to the boys. They keep me safe.

X-posted from Dreamwidth. Comment count: comment count unavailable
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This is just so I can remember my favorite evolution videos without having to search all over YouTube.

As I told a yowling Christian Creationist* a while back:
Listen carefully: Evolution does not claim to be connected with gods, God, aliens, or something that might cause creation. Evolution means this: Changes in trait or gene frequency in a population of organisms from one generation to the next - and it has nothing to do with how the world/universe was created/made. Which means that, hey, we're not saying it was aliens... but it was [probably] aliens.
Also, this may be mind-blowing, but "theory" is an established idea that has been tested.
Happy now? Okay. Now watch the whole thing and stop fighting over facts.

And yes, even the most fundamentalist Christian can agree that creationism and evolution are two different things. There's a term for it, which I completely forget - amniogenesis, maybe? Something like that? I mean, Intelligent Design is even based on it, I think. In fact, Deism is the idea that a god created everything and then backed off and let evolution happen all on its own, through reason and science.
For all we know, something like that happened. We don't know. If a theory is an idea that has been tested, then a belief is a personal knowledge that has not become fact and faith is an emotion tied to belief. And that is where the battle of religions happens. The problems with belief and faith is that they are so strong, so intense, so powerful, that they overcome logic and reason and become a way of thought, a way of life, and the person is literally unable to truly see or understand any other method.

*She was really sweet and really smart, but I could tell she had been literally brainwashed by parents, family, friends, churches, and teachers. Once we had these talks, I watched her brain go ker-klunk as she realized how massive and amazing the world actually was beyond what she thought she knew. I told her she could still believe that her God created everything... but evolution was nowhere near the same thing. She actually burst into tears and hugged me. Really, I don't care if you believe in Intelligent Design; I just want you to know exactly what real evolution actually means. That the theory of evolution simply means that the idea has been established and tested. Which has nothing to do with whatever creating entity you believe in. Evolution is its own thing, or miracle, if you wish. Fun, though, isn't it?

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I love getting gifts in exchange for giving gifts.

So, a dear online jeweler friend of mine customized a very personal ring for me: kyanite in the center, lepidolite and charoite on either side, wrapped in silver wire. She also made me another ring with a center charoite stone and two lapis lazuli side stones.
Another friend made me a citrine bracelet and a lepidolite bracelet. Another friend will be sending me unpolished Baltic amber bracelets. From another friend, I'll be getting Reiki-infused bracelets of blue kyanite and multi-color tourmaline.

I am highly metaphysical and spiritual about gemstones and minerals, so wearing all these stones against my skin actually causes my mind and body to react in amazing, wonderful ways. Some people will tell me it is all a simple placebo effect; I will accept that, having been raised by an atheist skeptic. But if gemstone energy helps me in any way, then more power to it, literally.
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I am about to really really open up here.
Please don't scold me. Please don't smack me. Please don't get upset. Maybe I have said these things before and I forgot.
Please... just listen.

Dear brain science people:
 Does anyone know about temporal lobe epilepsy paired with any comorbid mood disorders, psychiatric disorders, neurological, neurobiological, or neurochemical disorders? I'm not just talking about depression and anxiety. I'm talking about disorders like dysthymia and even cyclothymia.
There are times when psychic talons are grabbing my brain and squeezing and shaking and something deep inside is insisting that nothing I do is worth anything. Now, that may just be major depressive disorder talking, honestly. But right now, as I launch myself into deep medical science studies and talk to doctor after doctor, I do wonder if the Things inside my brain are deeper and darker than I think. It is getting difficult to make myself fully happy.
The people around me, online and in person, who can really make me laugh and be joyful beyond joy... they are so few, and I do not know know to make more friends in person who can do the same. I need my nerds and geeks and artists and writers and and scientists and bookworms and polymaths and comedians, and I feel far too shy and anxious to reach out. The worst they can say is "No, I am busy" and that is fine. That is always completely fine and understood and it is okay.
Sometimes I want to cry and I have no idea what to say. All I can do is write back and forth, like a pen pal. Maybe that is the best way to do this. Just write. So they cannot see and hear me while I cry and while my words become scrambled and tumbled. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. What should I do? What should I say?
I want someone to understand why I still want to be Jean Grey when I grow up, even though she always dies.
To repeat: I have spoken to doctors and therapists at length. I am not at liberty to divulge anything right now. Sorry.

You know...
Maybe this is another major depressive episode with anxiety. I mean, I did have several seizures, and PMS, and constant fibromyalgia attacks, and my mother keeps pushing me about health issues I'm already working on, and the news is always ridiculous and depressing, yada yada yada...

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I really wonder if I am the only person actively trying to research the major comparisons between Chinese sea buckthorn oil and Brazilian andiroba, copaiba, pracaxi, and acai oils. I'm talking bioactive compounds, nutritional compounds, fatty acid compositions, phytosterols, polyphenols, microelements, carotenes, capacity for tissue regeneration and cellular regeneration, etcetera.
Part of me wants all those oils and extracts all in one, but it feels selfish. What if all the Brazil oils can do everything the Chinese oil can do? No, seriously, I mean that.
Would I be satisfied? Yeah, probably. It's just that I've been invested in sea buckthorn oil for over a decade and it's hard to switch to another healing botanical from another country just like that.

Actually, what am I doing? I don't have to choose. I had a memory lapse. Sigh. I love you, Rochelle.
(Those glowing reviews, by the way, are mine. I was the Superfruit co-creator.)

So, where does your OCD and or ADD addled brain wander off to late at night when you want to sleep but can't because *something is important on the internet (and you forgot why)*
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I see color everywhere. I taste color everywhere. I hear, sense, feel, and connect with color. I cannot imagine a world, any world, without color, even in my dreams, even without my eyes. I speak in color. Everything I touch makes me explode in color.

People ask me why I can't use my mild psychic skills to 'heal' myself. I still have trouble explaining exactly why that is not possible. I can only pull, manifest, and manipulate elemental colors and cosmic colors so much.
I do not expect people to know what I mean. My perceptions are my own. However, I know many people who understand what I mean.

"It's something about the color..."
It's always something about the color.

Often, I dream in octarine, the color of magic. Everything is magic, and everything is color, and color shows me the depths of the universe that I cannot fully reach, not until I join that cosmic wave, full of indescribable colors that define what it means to exist.

This is why religion will never work for me. Not enough color. Not enough expansion. Too much external force. I need more color. I need more inside. I need my whole brain, which cannot happen unless the dead white matter and the damaged neurons somehow move again.

I am my own connection to whatever forces move existence. I am responsible for my own existence. My Higher Brain, my Subconscious, my Quantum Psychic Brain, and my Self are working together to create the most intense positive energy I have ever realized.

My transformation will come only from within myself. I am waiting. I am moving in directions that feel so right to me, no matter what external forces claim. I am opening myself to every past hurt, every negative feeling, and shifting them into the light. It it is a constant cycle, and it hurts so much that sometimes I cannot handle it. Meditative techniques are like lifelines.

The important thing is that I keep going. I keep growing. That is what matters. I am following the colors. I am the colors. I am made of light.
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I am writing this revealing post because my Psychic Quantum Consciousness smacked me with Get Well (apply directly to the forehead) and I am finally feeling human. Ish?

My nap refreshed me slightly. So did pain drugs and herbs.
Then I decided to paint my nails twice over: first with Sally Hansen Nailgrowth Polish in Divine Wine and then with Revlon Top Speed Polish in Dress Code.
The Nailgrowth formula will help my nails grow stronger (biotin, peptides, chondroitin, keratin, silk powder). The Top Speed formula will help my nails stay healthy (minerals, gemstone powders, vitamins, silk powder, keratin).
My nails are shimmery metallic dark violet, with shimmery golden dark red bleeding through beneath. I was surprised by the beauty of Dress Code, which is much more purple than Decadent (indigo violet) and more shimmery. Revlon is really good with nail colors. The fascinating thing is how the dark red and dark violet shades are merging as the polishes finish drying. (I am also pretty sure "Dress Code" may also be named "Violet" as the Revlon site does not have a polish color called Dress Code in the Top Speed line, but the shade Violet looks exactly like Dress Code.)
I had also applied makeup this afternoon, since brightening concealer used as foundation and dark red lipgloss made me look a little less ill and exhausted. I felt like an alien, but a pretty alien.

Beautiful colors do help take my mind of how terrible I am feeling.
Eventually I will stop feeling terrible and start feeling, um, in less pain? and now I am finally, finally starting to climb out of this bizarre depressive episode that has been like a rabbit hole lined with steel thorns.
Combined with one of the most severe fibromyalgia attacks in recent months or even years plus attacks from the various sydromes associated with spastic ataxic cerebral palsy, the depression shattered me for quite a while. I am deeply grateful that it began lifting just as I desperately wanted to lie on my psychic battlefield in a deep pool of my own psychic blood, too tired and too drained to keep fighting, willing to let my pain monsters grab me and take me like a trophy to wherever they live when not hunting. I didn't feel alarmed enough to call my doctors, I just felt desperate to sleep for a day straight until I felt human again. I honestly don't know what it's like to feel so darkly depressed, but I would probably admit I was getting fairly close.

All I can say is that I really am feeling better, covered in sunlight and moonlight with healing powers, since I am a witch and a pagan after all. And I can thank every friend I have for helping me, whether they knew it or not. And I can also thank my Higher Brain and my Subconscious combined, which I like to call the Psychic Quantum Consciousness, because quantum brains are cool.

See this entry for various explanations and stuff:
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Still fucked up, crappy, reclusive, snarling, burning with electric pain, etc.

To quote a good friend:
"I've been doing okay, but it's like... I just get my feet under me, and something else knocks me over, and then it takes me forever to get up again. And, frustratingly, embarrassingly, it doesn't take much to unbalance me.
People say not to let your illness define who you are, and I agree with that, but often there's no letting about it. It does dictate what you are able and are not able to do. Even when you are able to do more, that's the illness letting up. So a very large part of my frustration is born of being unable to be the person I desperately wish I was."

No arguments, on that, please. I cannot right now. I just... I am too tired and snarly. I was born damaged, I grew up damaged, my damage got worse in my adulthood... I'm not going to pretend I am made of roses and kittens and songbirds. I am a cripple. I am disabled. I am fucked up. I am I AM. Primary to that, I am Joanna, a writer, a reader, a sensitive, a weird nerd with geek properties, a polytheist polyagnostic pantheist pagan who agrees with all the skeptics because everything is true because we have High Brains mashed with Subconscious Brains that work to make Quantum Psychic Brains, and I know I can't prove a damn thing but I don't care if I can't, because I know things and I don't care if my skeptics doubt me.
If I "pray" to my Quantum Psychic Brain that created gods and spirits to fit my needs, so be it. If my "prayers" to my Quantum Psychic Brain are mostly about treating and healing my horrible terrible chronic pains, so be it.

I am who I am. And you know what? My disabilities really are part of that. Other cripples may argue, and I will let them. Nobody ever is the same, and why should they be? I am Joanna the Peaceful Dragon Warrior Princess of the Mediterranean, full of disability, and I. Am. Proud. My spears and swords are raised high.
And that is all I will say for now.



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Guess what I just learned that I probably should have known about all along?
The Grand Design Spiral Galaxy M81 was the basis for the God Galaxy in Futurama, first shown in "Godfellas."
No wonder I always loved seeing it in Futurama.
It is also one of the most conspicuous spiral galaxies known, which is awesome, because it's easy to observe.
Also, to quote a friend, "Astronomers once thought that every object they saw was a star. But now, we know that the cosmos is a whole lot Messier..." (rimshot)
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And yet another email from a well-meaning stranger who insists that if only I would stop all my medications and eat certain foods for the rest of my life, I would be completely healed and all my disabilities would vanish. Ah, willful ignorance, my nemesis, we meet again.
Dear Idiot: If you happen to read this, allow me to correct your incredible errors. No one should ever attempt stop any prescription medication without consulting their doctors. No food or combination of foods can cure medical conditions that began with brain damage from birth. It is extremely important to eat a healthy, balanced, fresh, whole diet. Such nutrition will absolutely have a positive effect on overall health, immunity, and various bodily functions. Such nutrition will even contribute to the body's own amazing healing powers. However, to claim that food, and food alone, is the one and only necessary treatment for every conceivable ailment is irresponsible, ignorant, and stupid.
Trust me, I get where you're coming from. I was raised for twenty years on supplements, herbs, vitamins, fresh food, exercise, and the occasional pill to deal with a temporary ailment. I didn't touch a long-term pharmaceutical drug until my late twenties. And do you know what happened when I did? It changed my life. Certain drugs began to control my seizures, anxiety, depression, nerve pain, muscle tension, body spasms, and other major neurological and physical disabilities. I had no idea how wonderful modern "Big Pharma" could be when it was applied responsibly. You see, I had spent so long believing in the mantra of "Big Pharma Is Evil" that I ignored dozens of symptoms and attempted to heal myself with supplements and holistic treatments that did not help in the ways I actually needed. I scoffed at suggestions of prescription drugs. I snarled at the thought of being on long term painkiller drugs. How could I? I would never trust that awful killer Big Pharma! Guess what? I was a complete idiot. I was so stupid that I let myself go on for years with symptoms and syndromes building up until I had no more choice - I had to get professional help.
I am forever grateful for the pharmaceutical drugs that I take. They really did save my life. But hey, I will never, ever tell anyone that they should do what I did, either go totally holistic or totally pharmaceutical. I believe so strongly in the balance of the two things that I still take my supplements and alternative treatments every day. I make sure that every herb, vitamin, food, and exercise works as well as possible with my "evil scary Big Pharma drugs." This has been such a beautiful thing for me that I plan on doing in until I die.
Yes, my symptoms still flare on a regular basis. Yes, often the only thing that soothes my pains and aches and twitches are those pharmaceutical drugs. But do you know what I will never want? I would never want anyone to hear my story and assume that they can live with a disease, disorder, or illness and heal themselves just by eating a bunch of fruit. As much as I love all that fruit, I eat it as food and as supplemental medicine. I live in the 21st century, in an age of powerful medicines; I can eat all the roots, leaves, powders, elixirs, fruits, and vegetables I want, but that will not cure any of my medical conditions. I accept that and I embrace that.
And here's an amazing fact: Many of those evil, scary pharmaceutical medicines were extracted and synthesized from good old food, herbs, plants, trees, coral reefs, and all sorts of glorious, fantastic things found in nature. Isn't that wonderful? Sure, a great deal of sciencey things happen to turn nature into drugs. But without nature, we would not have medicine. So don't you fucking dare tell me how I should treat my health conditions. If I wanted to ask, I would have asked. And you could have just made a kind suggestion. I probably would have thanked you and smiled and done some research. So be nice. Typing this whole thing out took some time. And now, if you will excuse me, I need to take a painkiller to ease the fiery pain in my hands and wrists.
Thank you for reading. I wish you good health for all your days.
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I want to make up a song about the Moringa plant to the tune of "Maria" from "West Side Story" but I was never good at song parodies...

Also, I got pure food grade Sea Buckthorn oil, berry oil and seed oil, so time to add it to everything and see how well it will help the occasional acid reflux. Also, we can use it in baking!

And now I want to research the scientific and medical comparisons and differences between Moringa and Sea Buckthorn, sort of like a botanical showdown. Which one has more antioxidant power? Healing power? Bioactive compounds? Micronutrients? Macronutrients? Fatty acids? Immune building factors? Trace minerals? Protection against chromosomal damage? Cellular repair? Or are they fairly equal at most things? Sea Buckthorn has been my main botanical champion for a decade; will Moringa surpass it in my heart? Time to find out!
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Well, I just proved a theory by experimenting on myself:
Certain topical botanicals and nutritional supplements really, actually do help my hair grow faster.
One month ago, I got two inches cut off my hair after having it colored with the newest color technology which promised intense vibrant color saturation. I experimented with those botanical treatments and vitamins and herbal supplements on a daily basis. One month later, my hair is three inches longer and still vibrantly colored at the ends. My roots are vibrant, too, which makes no sense, but hey, science?
Which fascinates me, because a. most human hair only grows half an inch per month and b. even though hair grows faster in warmer weather it's not by much. My personal conclusion: Three inches in a month is insane and unbelievable and kind of implausible. But I was there when it happened, whether it's true or not. I blame quantum magic.
Also, I don't know if it will work on anyone else. Maybe my success was just a weird fluke. Biology and chemistry is made of crazy weird magic.
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I kind of feel like throwing a tantrum and whining. You know, "Why meee? I don't wanna hurt like this! Make it stooop! I'm so tiiired!"
But part of growing up and growing wise is learning to understand how far you can raise your limits.
If there is one platitude I will forever hate, it is the "You have no limits, they are all just in in your mind" bullshit. I certainly do have my limitations. I just have to keep pushing them more and more so it takes more strength to reach them, and along the way I slowly grow stronger in my own way. Once I reach those limits, I exhaust myself, then I rest, and then I push the limits even more, because it's a goal, like climbing a mountain. I don't "push past my limits" - I push my limits beyond so I can keep reaching for them.
Just because I have my limits does not mean I can't surpass them. They will always be there, but the farther away they are, the stronger I become as I work toward them.
But I do allow myself the occasional stomping and screaming and getting angry at the pain along the way, because Dealing With It tends to get very old and very exhausting. Being told to slap on a metaphorical bandage and walk it off makes me snarl and growl. Being told to use the pain as a focus makes me determined. My pain can be a weapon in a way.
I have held these powerful masks and walls in place all my life, and eventually I must let them all come crashing down, and I have no idea what will happen then, I just know it will not be pleasant or good at all. I refuse to bow or bend to anyone else's ideas of what it means to push through pain, but I will absolutely work with my own views. If I bend, I won't break. But even if I do break, I will put myself back together. I am a Diamond. I am Steel. I am a Rose. I am a Lotus. I am fragile and powerful and You Can't Tell Me What To Do. Unless I like what you're telling me. Then I will be happy with your advice and your views. But do not ever tell me what I cannot do for myself, because You Are Not Me. I Am Not You. One Person Is Not Another Person. Here, let us trade shoes and figure out what it is really like.
I am full of love right now, I am shining so intensely that I can barely see past my own soul. Who wants some Love? Who wants some Shiny Love? Seriously, I am radiating energy and power so insanely that all three cats are staring at me, all purring, and I can actually sense all the trees in the neighborhood bending slowly toward my house. I have no idea what any of this means, but I do know that I am full of a powerful thing that I cannot explain in words. I will do my best to help you Shine and Feel Loved as I sit here, by myself, with my cats and my toys and my books and my medicines. I am made of stars, just like you. We are the universe exploring its own imagination.
It's All Good.



brightrosefox: (Default)
‎"Empirical evidence and experimentation are the cornerstone of the scientific method, and there is no reason that it should be any less effective at discovering the details of a self-consistent series of rules just because it's called 'magic' rather than 'physics'."
"Note that 'magic' in our vocabulary means something that breaks physical laws. Someone who was born and raised in a consistently magical universe would see magic as logical and sensible, much like electricity seems to us. What we call magic, they would call physics."

"Magic, as we know it, is essentially a type of energy that can be used to defy the supposed rules of our universe. The energy you use in your martial arts is a variety of it." -Unknown, from this:

I tried to explain the practice of magic to my super-skeptic mother this way. I think she got it, sort of. Now I try to just not say anything that would make people laugh at me, because the phrase "I am a magic practitioner and it involves physics and art" makes people stare at me like I'm insane. I probably am insane, but whatever. As Twilight Sparkle said, "Magic is something you study and practice. It only happens when you decide to do it. It's meant to make something specific that you want to happen happen." Wait, then again, nope. That doesn't always work. Because wild magic is wild. Sometimes it just doesn't work the way you want it to. Oh, that's life.

Meh. Last time Adam taught me lessons, I failed miserably at half of them, but that was due to lack of confidence. Which is true of everything.

Hell, I just know that I Sense Things and Attract Energies. I don't know why, how, what, who, whatever. But, you know, whatever.
brightrosefox: (Default)
‎"Empirical evidence and experimentation are the cornerstone of the scientific method, and there is no reason that it should be any less effective at discovering the details of a self-consistent series of rules just because it's called 'magic' rather than 'physics'."
"Note that 'magic' in our vocabulary means something that breaks physical laws. Someone who was born and raised in a consistently magical universe would see magic as logical and sensible, much like electricity seems to us. What we call magic, they would call physics."

"Magic, as we know it, is essentially a type of energy that can be used to defy the supposed rules of our universe. The energy you use in your martial arts is a variety of it." -Unknown, from this:

I tried to explain the practice of magic to my super-skeptic mother this way. I think she got it, sort of. Now I try to just not say anything that would make people laugh at me, because the phrase "I am a magic practitioner and it involves physics and art" makes people stare at me like I'm insane. I probably am insane, but whatever. As Twilight Sparkle said, "Magic is something you study and practice. It only happens when you decide to do it. It's meant to make something specific that you want to happen happen." Wait, then again, nope. That doesn't always work. Because wild magic is wild. Sometimes it just doesn't work the way you want it to. Oh, that's life.

Meh. Last time Adam taught me lessons, I failed miserably at half of them, but that was due to lack of confidence. Which is true of everything.

Hell, I just know that I Sense Things and Attract Energies. I don't know why, how, what, who, whatever. But, you know, whatever.


brightrosefox: (Default)

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