Introspection on the nature of the Selves

[brightrosefox]

Well, last night's lucid dream explained it all. I had a lovely chat in the astral plane with Ariana and Sirena. Apparently, both Beca and Charlotte have it right: The girls are spirit guides and also separate extensions of my Self, split off as Selves acting independently of me. However, it is not a multiple personality thing (although my research on the subject uncovered the fact that multiples don't have to be born of trauma or childhood problems). But it is a hyperawareness of all parts of me, the Me as a whole, and some of those parts have names, faces, and personalities, if that makes sense -- it barely makes sense to me.
In the middle of this conversation, Dana appeared. And I discovered something that I should have realized a long time ago -- Dana is not just a fictional character; she never was. Dana is like the other two: a spirit guide, alter ego, and Aspect of myself. But she doesn't like to speak for herself -- she prefers to let me speak with her voice, which is what I'm doing in my novel. But more than that; Dana acts as a wellspring for all of us, holding the energy and power that we all draw from. This is one of the reasons why she stays so quiet. She watches. She is my Muse. She has always been my Muse. Maybe not in this form with this name, but there she is.
I am also beginning to understand why I have been called so specifcally by the Celtic goddesses Danu, Brigit, and Morrigan. My three girls embody some of the aspects, in a sense. They are Aspects of my personality, after all. Sirena, above all else, is the protective one, the one who silently threatens to make intricate knit patterns with the entrails of those who hurt me. She's come through in my voice, eyes, and mannerisms most of the time when I am threatened. My voice will get low and deep and have a warning calm tone. Ariana is more neutral, agreeable, like a mother, encouraging me to step out and test my own strength, but she can also show claws if she has to, and she tends to show in my voice and personality when I am most relaxed, at ease, and almost in an altered state of mind. She likes to speak very softly and smoothly, and I always feel like I'm whispering when I talk with her voice. She is also the one who actively participates in anything magickal. For a long time, I couldn't tell the difference between Siri and Ari at all; I assumed they were the same Aspect of me, until I realized it was two and not one. Dana is the most powerful and therefore the most hidden. She is the Creator Aspect of my soul. She is the Mother, the Sister, the Lover, everything. She doesn't have to speak through my voice; she speaks through my mind, translated into stories and poetry. Out of all the three she's closest to who I am as a whole because the other two came out of her (and now they're all laughing in my mind, go figure, yes I finally get it, shut up). Dana has and had many names in my mind, has been hundreds of fictional characters, but this incarnation has been around the longest.

Now I feel like channeling Carl Jung and John Campbell.


Among those who read this entry, there will be people who are fascinated and intrigued and may even believe me. There will be people who see it as a lovely way to organize my own creative mind, but still see it as fantasy. And there will be those who will believe I need therapy because I shouldn't be talking about weird magical voices in my head, and no I really don't have alter egos who are really aspects of my soul, I'm just a lunatic, but it's cute the way I try and map it all out; silly girl go back to your childish delusions.

The decision to post this to my LiveJournal -- and make it public -- was not without hesitation. I am putting a huge, huge declaration about myself -- my Selves -- out there. I don't expect everyone to say, "Wow, that's great! Yay for you!"
I did not write this for anyone but me. I needed to write it down, "say it out loud", if you will, so I can better grasp it. Acknowledging it is a good way to understand it best.
If people choose to comment, they may, and I welcome it.
But this is who I am. This is who I have always been. And I think that those who know me best, believe in me, and respect me, should be able to respect these parts as well.