Memorial Days

As I came into work, I kept thinking, what would I do if something happened today? What would I do if something happened any day? I thought about my loved ones. I thought, especially, about Jason, who is alive. Jason who was working construction on the Pentagon that day. Who was standing not fifty feet from where the plane hit. Who fell four stories. Who returned to help the surivors. Who is alive. We love you, boyo.
I wanted to say something profound, but so many others will be doing that. This is a Rememberance Day. So all I can do is remember and hold my beloved ones close. I'm wearing my family beads today. Three of them are white, blue, and red.
( She will dance on our graves, when we are dead and gone )

Faith and Fate: Good things

There are times when you're just so low and dark that you think you'll never be able to see any light again--and then there are times when a huge weight is lifted from your shoulders and you can see the sun in all his glory and the moon in all her brilliance. I love times like this, because you know then that you really are loved. Not just for today of all days, but any day. You're alive, the ones you love are alive, and the dead are with you always in spirit.
I just finished some conversations with several people, all good conversations. Happy ones. Letting me know that everything is still okay. Letting me know that there's still hope and love and a chance for a wonderful life. My parents are in good health and my father's current stone project is coming along very well, as is my mother's paintings and sketches and classes. Watson and Beca want to meet them for Thanksgiving. I want that more than anything right now--for my sister self to see the love I grew up in, to see the eye-popping brilliant sheer artistic creative beauty I was born into. I want her to see, to truly see, what such love can be. I had a dream last night where my mother painted a portrait, featuring me, Adam, Beca and Watson. It was the most beautiful painting I had ever seen. It held such reverence. It captured the essence of our souls and it was created from pure love.
I'm sometimes amazed I'm not religious. I don't think I ever will be. My faith in fate is too strong. Does that make sense?
I love my family. All of them. I think that they are my faith and my fate, and I have to remember that. I am very glad to have these people in my life.