It makes my heart grow fonder

So he left this morning. Kissed me goodbye and his teeth left a perfect red circle on my neck. It'll fade when he returns in a week.
I feel...okay. Not so empty. It's not so much an hollow carved out space as it is a thick shining cord that stretches and stretches, following him across the miles and hours, not straining, always glowing. Our connection has gotten stronger. I can cope with absence a little better, push the pain into the back of my mind because I know this will give us more reason to miss and love each other. It always has. It always will. This was the foundation, this longing and strength, and this will carry us through.

My shoulder still hurts, but I can think past it now. I can make myself stronger if I'm careful. Muscle relaxers, ibuprofen, heat massage, bedrest when I need it. Thinking of him will make me smile and relax and be comforted.

He has his new work phone with the same number as before. If anyone wants to call him, use his 703 number. He took the family pendant with him. For luck. The bed is growing cold already, but my heart remains whole and my soul stays bright. He will be sleeping next to me in my dreams.

( I will kiss you as I wake )

Damn it

Note to self: Movies like "Moonlight Mile" are not good movies to watch while the love of your life is driving halfway across the country and staying there for a week.

I'm watching VH1 right now. Loudly. It's mindless, pointless background noise. I'm making myself think about anything but the emptiness that's trying to swallow me.

Damn it, I do miss him. But that will just make the homecoming that much sweeter.

Somebody call me or come play with me, I'm lonely.

Writer's Block...Writer's Great Wall of China?

Oh now, this is just frustrating. I need a desk with a window again. I have plenty of motivation and desire; now I just need space and time. I don't understand why it's so difficult to write the book balancing the laptop, of all places, on my lap. Maybe I'm so used to how the book was born, in various computer rooms on campus, rooms with desks and chairs and windows and the white noise hum of other machines. The solid three hour blocks of time between classes and work and socializing. I need to make more time. I need to push the focus back up front.
Dana is headed for a near-breakdown. She has too much power. Ian will need to go on a journey. Thomas and Kara need to explore their relationship. I know what will happen, what has to happen. I need to make it happen. I need the characters to help me move them along. Know what I mean?

What must be said

There are those words that must be said
The stories that live on unspoken
The ballads of love like yours and mine.
I love that you can hurt for me and I can see you
I wish you could tell me so much more
I want you to call me your Angel, I want to call you my
God, I wish we could be
Heaven and earth as one.
My bright shining love, you fly so high without wings
But I can lay you gently on the ground
You can feel safe inside me.
I want us to be
Kittens in a sunbeam
Foxes in the forest dusk
I want to love you as far as it goes
Not beneath you or above you but with you.
I want to run by your side and be the wind in your hair
I will kiss you when you fall asleep
I will be in your eyes when you wake
I will be your strength
I will be your love.
I will be
I will.