Umm...

'Kay, learned lesson. When feeling a migraine coming, don't take so much caffeine that your bladder starts yelling at you. My pulse is actually too slow for some reason. PMS symptoms hitting hard too, which is probably how the headache started.

I finally went to CVS to make copies of the Thanksgiving group photo. By accident, I made them too big, so I now have one rather huge 8x10 and two somewhat large 5x7 reprints. I think I'll give the biggest one to Beca.

My wonderful boyfriend gave me an electric blanket for a holiday present the other day. It feels like velvet and it's forest green. I've been cocooning myself in it and purring.

Strange, strange dreams last night. No, I did NOT dream about happy naked people! Leave me alone. But Misha and Ben were rock stars for some reason, and at some point I was holding a beautiful baby that turned into a ball of light. And Adam and I were crowned prince and princess of something. I've never had so many detailed consecutive dreams featuring a bunch of friends before. I wonder if this means that I've finally becoming socially adept or something.

I'm tired. Winter does this, cuts up my resolve and makes me kitten-sleepy and dry and depressed and I want to curl up in my new blanket and go away; I wish I could sleep till March. I don't care for Christmas. Why shouldn't every day be about loving and giving? Why do the Christians get to be so acknowledged for things that are not their own while everyone else has to put up with the depravity and depression of commercialism? "We won't let them starve because it's Christmas." How about "We won't let them starve because they're people just like us."? It makes me colder than outside. Good cheer, nothing. I have good cheer every day. I don't need people telling me about the wrong-day birth of a terribly misinterpreted legend to be happy and loving. I will gladly celebrate a holiday. Just not the one they want. I wish it was just Winter Solstice instead of Christmas. I'll just have to let it be in my tired mind.

Umm...

'Kay, learned lesson. When feeling a migraine coming, don't take so much caffeine that your bladder starts yelling at you. My pulse is actually too slow for some reason. PMS symptoms hitting hard too, which is probably how the headache started.

I finally went to CVS to make copies of the Thanksgiving group photo. By accident, I made them too big, so I now have one rather huge 8x10 and two somewhat large 5x7 reprints. I think I'll give the biggest one to Beca.

My wonderful boyfriend gave me an electric blanket for a holiday present the other day. It feels like velvet and it's forest green. I've been cocooning myself in it and purring.

Strange, strange dreams last night. No, I did NOT dream about happy naked people! Leave me alone. But Misha and Ben were rock stars for some reason, and at some point I was holding a beautiful baby that turned into a ball of light. And Adam and I were crowned prince and princess of something. I've never had so many detailed consecutive dreams featuring a bunch of friends before. I wonder if this means that I've finally becoming socially adept or something.

I'm tired. Winter does this, cuts up my resolve and makes me kitten-sleepy and dry and depressed and I want to curl up in my new blanket and go away; I wish I could sleep till March. I don't care for Christmas. Why shouldn't every day be about loving and giving? Why do the Christians get to be so acknowledged for things that are not their own while everyone else has to put up with the depravity and depression of commercialism? "We won't let them starve because it's Christmas." How about "We won't let them starve because they're people just like us."? It makes me colder than outside. Good cheer, nothing. I have good cheer every day. I don't need people telling me about the wrong-day birth of a terribly misinterpreted legend to be happy and loving. I will gladly celebrate a holiday. Just not the one they want. I wish it was just Winter Solstice instead of Christmas. I'll just have to let it be in my tired mind.

Eyes wide shut

( I am what I am )

I just want to lie down and rest. The cramps and nausea are like fire. My belly is swollen and sore like I've been punched. I'm congested with unknown allergies that burn my eyes. I feel depressed and hopeless and I wish I didn't.
And I think this is why: http://www.well-net.com/PMS/Symptoms1.html

Hopefully the weekend will find me happier. But I like this quiz result. It makes me feel content because it's the truth.

Eyes wide shut

( I am what I am )

I just want to lie down and rest. The cramps and nausea are like fire. My belly is swollen and sore like I've been punched. I'm congested with unknown allergies that burn my eyes. I feel depressed and hopeless and I wish I didn't.
And I think this is why: http://www.well-net.com/PMS/Symptoms1.html

Hopefully the weekend will find me happier. But I like this quiz result. It makes me feel content because it's the truth.

Oh.

Adam is leaving for New York tonight for a job; more dropping off of computers and printers. He's taking Watson, who has to go up anyway, and then Beca and Watson will ride down with Adam Saturday night or Sunday morning. I'll at least get to see Beca later in the week and give her the photo reprint and a hug. That makes me happy. And Beth will be going up there, which will bring much happiness too. It makes me smile to know happiness will be had well.

Adam didn't have time to see me and say goodbye, so he called just after I got home to tell me he wasn't coming home till later. I know it sounds foolish, but I felt horribly upset. It's the PMS, I know; I should not be this emotional. But he was sincerely disappointed that he couldn't hug me and kiss me goodbye--even for a day-- so I naturally started falling apart and I hate when that happens. Gods, what am I supposed to do when he goes off on another job for a week, two weeks?

It's funny; after that fourth anniversary milestone we've just gotten closer, so much closer than ever, possibly, because we seem to have changed, we don't merely just compliment and balance but we also harmonize, yes, become larger apart and even larger together with each breath of the other's name. Yes, it is a breathtaking thing to see, and I am glad you can see it and I can too.

So like I said ... it hurts. Maybe more than before, if it is even humanly possible to hurt more than a lengthy long-distance True Love.

I'm afraid I have to leave, and I can't touch you to say goodbye ... all you have of me right now is my voice, but I will come back, I promise ... it won't be as long as last time, and I will be loving you all the way ...

It's only a day.

Oh.

Adam is leaving for New York tonight for a job; more dropping off of computers and printers. He's taking Watson, who has to go up anyway, and then Beca and Watson will ride down with Adam Saturday night or Sunday morning. I'll at least get to see Beca later in the week and give her the photo reprint and a hug. That makes me happy. And Beth will be going up there, which will bring much happiness too. It makes me smile to know happiness will be had well.

Adam didn't have time to see me and say goodbye, so he called just after I got home to tell me he wasn't coming home till later. I know it sounds foolish, but I felt horribly upset. It's the PMS, I know; I should not be this emotional. But he was sincerely disappointed that he couldn't hug me and kiss me goodbye--even for a day-- so I naturally started falling apart and I hate when that happens. Gods, what am I supposed to do when he goes off on another job for a week, two weeks?

It's funny; after that fourth anniversary milestone we've just gotten closer, so much closer than ever, possibly, because we seem to have changed, we don't merely just compliment and balance but we also harmonize, yes, become larger apart and even larger together with each breath of the other's name. Yes, it is a breathtaking thing to see, and I am glad you can see it and I can too.

So like I said ... it hurts. Maybe more than before, if it is even humanly possible to hurt more than a lengthy long-distance True Love.

I'm afraid I have to leave, and I can't touch you to say goodbye ... all you have of me right now is my voice, but I will come back, I promise ... it won't be as long as last time, and I will be loving you all the way ...

It's only a day.

Please, Christina, tell me you won't fuck this up...

I talked to Mom. So. My niece. Christina. She and her husband. They are smoking crack again. They missed court dates. They missed taking Nicole to school. They missed drug tests and job interviews and efforts to stay clean. God, this is like Theresa again again again. Mom and Dad had to take Christina as a child then too. My sister was not a bad person, I loved her, oh god. I love Tina too. But this.

Now, I certainly have nothing against knowing someone is using a controlled drug recreationally, as long as they are doing it responsibly and occasionally! As long as they know their limits and are aware of side effects and consequences and know how to handle themselves! However, I draw the line at crack and heroin and will not tolerate that knowledge in any circumstance, and will get very angry and hurt. I am very angry and hurt. They are on welfare and cannot do this withot consequences. They are hurting themselves. They are hurting their family (me, Daddy, Mom). Worse, worse, they are hurting their child. Oh, Nicole Nicole, my baby I am so sorry.

This. This is why the courts are taking Nicole away. They say it's just until Tina and Dan can come clean.

Mom wants to foster her, just for a couple months. Danny has family in Florida who also want to take her. We will see what unfolds. Maybe everything will work out for the better. I don't care what Tina and Dan do as long as they stop the crack, as long as they come back to their daughter. Stop stop stop. Please.

Please, Christina, tell me you won't fuck this up...

I talked to Mom. So. My niece. Christina. She and her husband. They are smoking crack again. They missed court dates. They missed taking Nicole to school. They missed drug tests and job interviews and efforts to stay clean. God, this is like Theresa again again again. Mom and Dad had to take Christina as a child then too. My sister was not a bad person, I loved her, oh god. I love Tina too. But this.

Now, I certainly have nothing against knowing someone is using a controlled drug recreationally, as long as they are doing it responsibly and occasionally! As long as they know their limits and are aware of side effects and consequences and know how to handle themselves! However, I draw the line at crack and heroin and will not tolerate that knowledge in any circumstance, and will get very angry and hurt. I am very angry and hurt. They are on welfare and cannot do this withot consequences. They are hurting themselves. They are hurting their family (me, Daddy, Mom). Worse, worse, they are hurting their child. Oh, Nicole Nicole, my baby I am so sorry.

This. This is why the courts are taking Nicole away. They say it's just until Tina and Dan can come clean.

Mom wants to foster her, just for a couple months. Danny has family in Florida who also want to take her. We will see what unfolds. Maybe everything will work out for the better. I don't care what Tina and Dan do as long as they stop the crack, as long as they come back to their daughter. Stop stop stop. Please.

Yes

I'm fine, by the way. I'm eating leftover chicken casserole and clementine oranges and chocolate chip cookies. I am concentrating on me here now. I am concentrating on those I love and how I will love them more when I see them. Whatever bad things are happening, they are things out of my control right now and I will breathe deeply and not let myself be affected.

I will write more of my novel and lose myself in my stormfall world.

See, I am smiling. Soon I will laugh. Because that is who I am, that is why you love me.

I am colorblind/Coffee black and egg white/Pull me out from inside/I am ready/I am ready/I am ready/I am...fine

Yes

I'm fine, by the way. I'm eating leftover chicken casserole and clementine oranges and chocolate chip cookies. I am concentrating on me here now. I am concentrating on those I love and how I will love them more when I see them. Whatever bad things are happening, they are things out of my control right now and I will breathe deeply and not let myself be affected.

I will write more of my novel and lose myself in my stormfall world.

See, I am smiling. Soon I will laugh. Because that is who I am, that is why you love me.

I am colorblind/Coffee black and egg white/Pull me out from inside/I am ready/I am ready/I am ready/I am...fine

Life is like a cookie

I ate too many clementines. That was after the massive bowl of chicken, vegetables and pasta. I am about to eat a handful of cookies. And next to me on the bed is a magazine called "Mind, Body & Spirit Fitness".

Yes, I will read it. While I am eating. Because it is not a fashion magazine that extolls the joy of being as thin and tan as a fifteen-year-old surfer boy but with large breasts, and it does not make you feel like a guilty jerk if you are not thin and tan with snow-white teeth and shiny hair. It is a magazine that tells you how to be healthy. It tells normal people how to continue to be normal.

And it tells us that we are allowed to eat chocolate chip cookies whenever we want.

Life is like a cookie

I ate too many clementines. That was after the massive bowl of chicken, vegetables and pasta. I am about to eat a handful of cookies. And next to me on the bed is a magazine called "Mind, Body & Spirit Fitness".

Yes, I will read it. While I am eating. Because it is not a fashion magazine that extolls the joy of being as thin and tan as a fifteen-year-old surfer boy but with large breasts, and it does not make you feel like a guilty jerk if you are not thin and tan with snow-white teeth and shiny hair. It is a magazine that tells you how to be healthy. It tells normal people how to continue to be normal.

And it tells us that we are allowed to eat chocolate chip cookies whenever we want.