Pride, assurance and altruism

So the office is closing at three today -- usually happens the day before a holiday. It's going to be slow till then, I can tell.
This morning I stopped at the coffeehouse. Because I've been very good about not doing it all week, I had a vanilla double espresso, my painkiller. Lots of sugar and whole milk. Caffeine flooding my blood and I was instawake. But my body is still small. At my desk, I took Inositol, Burdock, Fenugreek, Cat's Claw, MSM. Inositol is depleted by caffeine, so when it's in the body it calms and relaxes and pacifies. The others purify and detoxify, flushing the body, calming the nerves. I know I had way too much caffeine anyway; I still feel jittery and nauseated. But it's working through me, and the supplements will help ease it out.

This morning, the alarm jolted me awake at 6:30. The bed was empty; Adam hadn't come home. To my credit, I did not panic or fret. I picked up the phone and called his cell. I guessed where he was. He answered, tired, and said he'd been about to call me anyway. He was at Lex's in Northern Virginia. He had helped drive a few drunk people home after the club, and decided to stay with Lex for a while. In my chest, pride swelled over worry. Not only had he stayed safe, he'd made sure others had, too. I was also proud of myself. No panic attack, no fretting anxiety when I realized he wasn't home. Perhaps this shows that I am maturing past my neuroses. It makes me smile. Something I have always held firm and strong for myself is my ability to rely on myself, not doctors and drugs, to handle my weaknesses and instabilities and neuroticism. Something that impressed everyone I've made friends with. Adam told me that from the day he met me, he'd seen the strength and the conviction. Beca, when we first met, gave me a tremendous compliment when she said that I was probably the only person she knew who was not on prescription medication for an unstable mental issue (ADD doesn't really count). I do pride myself on looking past what a doctor wants to do, taking advice yet seeking alternatives to see if they work. And they have. I am getting so much better.

And so, on to my five things I am grateful for today:
1) Adam is alive and safe, and because of him so are a few other people.
2) My anxiety and panic disorders are slowly becoming controllable
3) I really can go several days without coffee and not even notice
4) The Strattera really does help, not just with ADD, but with anxiety, depression, OCD and, surprisingly enough, introverted dependance and avoidance.
5) Valerian, Passion Flower, Magnesium, and Inositol make up a beautiful relaxation cocktail, especially with Methocarbomol added.

Pride, assurance and altruism

So the office is closing at three today -- usually happens the day before a holiday. It's going to be slow till then, I can tell.
This morning I stopped at the coffeehouse. Because I've been very good about not doing it all week, I had a vanilla double espresso, my painkiller. Lots of sugar and whole milk. Caffeine flooding my blood and I was instawake. But my body is still small. At my desk, I took Inositol, Burdock, Fenugreek, Cat's Claw, MSM. Inositol is depleted by caffeine, so when it's in the body it calms and relaxes and pacifies. The others purify and detoxify, flushing the body, calming the nerves. I know I had way too much caffeine anyway; I still feel jittery and nauseated. But it's working through me, and the supplements will help ease it out.

This morning, the alarm jolted me awake at 6:30. The bed was empty; Adam hadn't come home. To my credit, I did not panic or fret. I picked up the phone and called his cell. I guessed where he was. He answered, tired, and said he'd been about to call me anyway. He was at Lex's in Northern Virginia. He had helped drive a few drunk people home after the club, and decided to stay with Lex for a while. In my chest, pride swelled over worry. Not only had he stayed safe, he'd made sure others had, too. I was also proud of myself. No panic attack, no fretting anxiety when I realized he wasn't home. Perhaps this shows that I am maturing past my neuroses. It makes me smile. Something I have always held firm and strong for myself is my ability to rely on myself, not doctors and drugs, to handle my weaknesses and instabilities and neuroticism. Something that impressed everyone I've made friends with. Adam told me that from the day he met me, he'd seen the strength and the conviction. Beca, when we first met, gave me a tremendous compliment when she said that I was probably the only person she knew who was not on prescription medication for an unstable mental issue (ADD doesn't really count). I do pride myself on looking past what a doctor wants to do, taking advice yet seeking alternatives to see if they work. And they have. I am getting so much better.

And so, on to my five things I am grateful for today:
1) Adam is alive and safe, and because of him so are a few other people.
2) My anxiety and panic disorders are slowly becoming controllable
3) I really can go several days without coffee and not even notice
4) The Strattera really does help, not just with ADD, but with anxiety, depression, OCD and, surprisingly enough, introverted dependance and avoidance.
5) Valerian, Passion Flower, Magnesium, and Inositol make up a beautiful relaxation cocktail, especially with Methocarbomol added.