Such is this insanity called life

At least last night was fun. Kat has been here, a driving force to balance my stumbling mind. She has selflessly been helping me do what I need to do around the house. I am glad she is all right. She was in Florida, in a rainstorm, in a friend's SUV. It skidded and flipped over and rolled. She got her arm cut up badly. But she is fine. I am glad she is here.
I'm glad to have loving friends, if only just to hear their voices. I will happily comfort anyone who needs comfort, and in doing so I find my own comfort.

So last night, I met Adam and Kat at Charlotte's house for a while. We went home to relax and have dinner. We then met up with Lex and Lena, who I haven't seen since the wedding. We went to a bar in Olde Towne Gaithersburg. I had Blueberry Wheat beer (it's yummy). I love being with Lena. She's a great conversationalist. We literally had ten different dialogues going on at the same time, switching back and forth between them all and not losing track. We need to hang out more often.

Adam and I did not go to sleep until very, very late. Birds were starting to sing. Kat was already asleep in the living room. I know Bernie was asleep in his room.
Oh yeah -- Libby won't be home for a while. She is very very sick, naturally. She has inflamed pockets in her intestines, after all.
Funny; I am panicking more than I should. I admit, am a lunatic when I panic. I have my father's quiet tendency to assume the world is ending when there's bad news, but I also have my mother's general exuberance, so when the two combine, there you go.

Adam says I need him more than I know; without him I am lost. Perhaps he is right.
I don't know what to do. I know things will be all right. Adam gently reminded me that his parents have only been living with us for two weeks. The plan was a month and a half. I'm already losing my mind And now Libby is hospitalized and no one knows when she will be let out. Let us just hope it will be in time for her to recover and get on that plane. Yes, that is what I think about. I just want my life.
Jenn always tells me to breathe when I am talking about Libby. It's true. I don't breathe much. And I find, as I told Beca over the phone tonight, that when Libby is away, I can draw in such a deep, cleansing breath that I don't realize I had not been. It is just how it is. I love her; but I cannot be near her for too long. And if I am, part of me must... go away, until I can cope. People are actually amazed that I lived with her for over three and a half years. And they wonder why I wasn't too social for so long. I apologize for that. Putting up shields against Libby meant putting up psychic titanium. And I already had so many, before I met Adam. All that mental and emotional armor. I was never a social creature. Too much careful webwork of "No one can hurt me" barriers. That is hard to break though.

I want everything to be okay. He tells me it will be okay. Things will happen as they are meant to happen. I want to believe it.

Fatigue has conquered me. All day, I have been exhausted to the point of desperation. I have been lying down every chance I get. All the stress and panic and exhaustion being released, leaving me hollow, sunken, deflated, empty. I do not know what can fill that. Love, maybe.

I just want everything to be okay. I want everything to be as it should be.

Such is this insanity called life

At least last night was fun. Kat has been here, a driving force to balance my stumbling mind. She has selflessly been helping me do what I need to do around the house. I am glad she is all right. She was in Florida, in a rainstorm, in a friend's SUV. It skidded and flipped over and rolled. She got her arm cut up badly. But she is fine. I am glad she is here.
I'm glad to have loving friends, if only just to hear their voices. I will happily comfort anyone who needs comfort, and in doing so I find my own comfort.

So last night, I met Adam and Kat at Charlotte's house for a while. We went home to relax and have dinner. We then met up with Lex and Lena, who I haven't seen since the wedding. We went to a bar in Olde Towne Gaithersburg. I had Blueberry Wheat beer (it's yummy). I love being with Lena. She's a great conversationalist. We literally had ten different dialogues going on at the same time, switching back and forth between them all and not losing track. We need to hang out more often.

Adam and I did not go to sleep until very, very late. Birds were starting to sing. Kat was already asleep in the living room. I know Bernie was asleep in his room.
Oh yeah -- Libby won't be home for a while. She is very very sick, naturally. She has inflamed pockets in her intestines, after all.
Funny; I am panicking more than I should. I admit, am a lunatic when I panic. I have my father's quiet tendency to assume the world is ending when there's bad news, but I also have my mother's general exuberance, so when the two combine, there you go.

Adam says I need him more than I know; without him I am lost. Perhaps he is right.
I don't know what to do. I know things will be all right. Adam gently reminded me that his parents have only been living with us for two weeks. The plan was a month and a half. I'm already losing my mind And now Libby is hospitalized and no one knows when she will be let out. Let us just hope it will be in time for her to recover and get on that plane. Yes, that is what I think about. I just want my life.
Jenn always tells me to breathe when I am talking about Libby. It's true. I don't breathe much. And I find, as I told Beca over the phone tonight, that when Libby is away, I can draw in such a deep, cleansing breath that I don't realize I had not been. It is just how it is. I love her; but I cannot be near her for too long. And if I am, part of me must... go away, until I can cope. People are actually amazed that I lived with her for over three and a half years. And they wonder why I wasn't too social for so long. I apologize for that. Putting up shields against Libby meant putting up psychic titanium. And I already had so many, before I met Adam. All that mental and emotional armor. I was never a social creature. Too much careful webwork of "No one can hurt me" barriers. That is hard to break though.

I want everything to be okay. He tells me it will be okay. Things will happen as they are meant to happen. I want to believe it.

Fatigue has conquered me. All day, I have been exhausted to the point of desperation. I have been lying down every chance I get. All the stress and panic and exhaustion being released, leaving me hollow, sunken, deflated, empty. I do not know what can fill that. Love, maybe.

I just want everything to be okay. I want everything to be as it should be.

Such is this insanity called life

At least last night was fun. Kat has been here, a driving force to balance my stumbling mind. She has selflessly been helping me do what I need to do around the house. I am glad she is all right. She was in Florida, in a rainstorm, in a friend's SUV. It skidded and flipped over and rolled. She got her arm cut up badly. But she is fine. I am glad she is here.
I'm glad to have loving friends, if only just to hear their voices. I will happily comfort anyone who needs comfort, and in doing so I find my own comfort.

So last night, I met Adam and Kat at Charlotte's house for a while. We went home to relax and have dinner. We then met up with Lex and Lena, who I haven't seen since the wedding. We went to a bar in Olde Towne Gaithersburg. I had Blueberry Wheat beer (it's yummy). I love being with Lena. She's a great conversationalist. We literally had ten different dialogues going on at the same time, switching back and forth between them all and not losing track. We need to hang out more often.

Adam and I did not go to sleep until very, very late. Birds were starting to sing. Kat was already asleep in the living room. I know Bernie was asleep in his room.
Oh yeah -- Libby won't be home for a while. She is very very sick, naturally. She has inflamed pockets in her intestines, after all.
Funny; I am panicking more than I should. I admit, am a lunatic when I panic. I have my father's quiet tendency to assume the world is ending when there's bad news, but I also have my mother's general exuberance, so when the two combine, there you go.

Adam says I need him more than I know; without him I am lost. Perhaps he is right.
I don't know what to do. I know things will be all right. Adam gently reminded me that his parents have only been living with us for two weeks. The plan was a month and a half. I'm already losing my mind And now Libby is hospitalized and no one knows when she will be let out. Let us just hope it will be in time for her to recover and get on that plane. Yes, that is what I think about. I just want my life.
Jenn always tells me to breathe when I am talking about Libby. It's true. I don't breathe much. And I find, as I told Beca over the phone tonight, that when Libby is away, I can draw in such a deep, cleansing breath that I don't realize I had not been. It is just how it is. I love her; but I cannot be near her for too long. And if I am, part of me must... go away, until I can cope. People are actually amazed that I lived with her for over three and a half years. And they wonder why I wasn't too social for so long. I apologize for that. Putting up shields against Libby meant putting up psychic titanium. And I already had so many, before I met Adam. All that mental and emotional armor. I was never a social creature. Too much careful webwork of "No one can hurt me" barriers. That is hard to break though.

I want everything to be okay. He tells me it will be okay. Things will happen as they are meant to happen. I want to believe it.

Fatigue has conquered me. All day, I have been exhausted to the point of desperation. I have been lying down every chance I get. All the stress and panic and exhaustion being released, leaving me hollow, sunken, deflated, empty. I do not know what can fill that. Love, maybe.

I just want everything to be okay. I want everything to be as it should be.