of salt and fog

Meh.
Still tired, but I have grown accustomed to that. The Trileptal is working just fine, but I sometimes find myself in a dreamlike state, mood enhancer. Like walking on air through fog, sometimes. But I can see sunlight just ahead and I simply follow the sun.
I have discovered that actively thinking about having seizures -- like, for several straight minutes -- will actually trigger one, or at least a strong aura. I did not know this. How fascinating the mind can be.
Because the Trileptal causes sodium depletion, I now add a pinch of salt to my liter bottle of water in the mornings at work. It helps. I will feel more energized, less foggy.
Adam is coming home -- by the time I come home from work today, he will be there. It fills me with joy.
The triphala is really starting to work. I feel light and purified and strong.
My cat is learning to get along with my roommates better and better: Danny says that she jumped onto his chest and rubbed his face and purred for several minutes. He thinks she missed me, being at Charlotte's all weekend.
I want to know why the weather is still cold in the mornings. It really throws off one's sense of temperature balance. I step outside huddled in my jacket, and by the time I leave work, I do not even need the jacket.
I long for warm weather all day. Not hot... just warm. Temperate. The sun.
The sun.

of salt and fog

Meh.
Still tired, but I have grown accustomed to that. The Trileptal is working just fine, but I sometimes find myself in a dreamlike state, mood enhancer. Like walking on air through fog, sometimes. But I can see sunlight just ahead and I simply follow the sun.
I have discovered that actively thinking about having seizures -- like, for several straight minutes -- will actually trigger one, or at least a strong aura. I did not know this. How fascinating the mind can be.
Because the Trileptal causes sodium depletion, I now add a pinch of salt to my liter bottle of water in the mornings at work. It helps. I will feel more energized, less foggy.
Adam is coming home -- by the time I come home from work today, he will be there. It fills me with joy.
The triphala is really starting to work. I feel light and purified and strong.
My cat is learning to get along with my roommates better and better: Danny says that she jumped onto his chest and rubbed his face and purred for several minutes. He thinks she missed me, being at Charlotte's all weekend.
I want to know why the weather is still cold in the mornings. It really throws off one's sense of temperature balance. I step outside huddled in my jacket, and by the time I leave work, I do not even need the jacket.
I long for warm weather all day. Not hot... just warm. Temperate. The sun.
The sun.

of salt and fog

Meh.
Still tired, but I have grown accustomed to that. The Trileptal is working just fine, but I sometimes find myself in a dreamlike state, mood enhancer. Like walking on air through fog, sometimes. But I can see sunlight just ahead and I simply follow the sun.
I have discovered that actively thinking about having seizures -- like, for several straight minutes -- will actually trigger one, or at least a strong aura. I did not know this. How fascinating the mind can be.
Because the Trileptal causes sodium depletion, I now add a pinch of salt to my liter bottle of water in the mornings at work. It helps. I will feel more energized, less foggy.
Adam is coming home -- by the time I come home from work today, he will be there. It fills me with joy.
The triphala is really starting to work. I feel light and purified and strong.
My cat is learning to get along with my roommates better and better: Danny says that she jumped onto his chest and rubbed his face and purred for several minutes. He thinks she missed me, being at Charlotte's all weekend.
I want to know why the weather is still cold in the mornings. It really throws off one's sense of temperature balance. I step outside huddled in my jacket, and by the time I leave work, I do not even need the jacket.
I long for warm weather all day. Not hot... just warm. Temperate. The sun.
The sun.

mirrors and minds

For fadingmemories and for anyone else who is still haunted by the demon in the mirror...

You know what makes me wake up some nights with my fist in my mouth, teeth pressing into my knuckles, breath tearing out my lungs? It is the knowledge of the fact that even as I eat normal meals and snacks, that even as I eat a light breakfast, heavy lunch, middling dinner with snacks, that I still count every calorie, that the mirror still tells me of invisible fat, that every other night I reach into a drawer, pull out a tape measure, and measure my waistline praying that the number is not above 24.
Sometimes I think I am over the ED. That I am... "cured". That just because I am eating so well, I cannot be touched by anorexia ever again.
Our minds are sweet liars, too.

mirrors and minds

For fadingmemories and for anyone else who is still haunted by the demon in the mirror...

You know what makes me wake up some nights with my fist in my mouth, teeth pressing into my knuckles, breath tearing out my lungs? It is the knowledge of the fact that even as I eat normal meals and snacks, that even as I eat a light breakfast, heavy lunch, middling dinner with snacks, that I still count every calorie, that the mirror still tells me of invisible fat, that every other night I reach into a drawer, pull out a tape measure, and measure my waistline praying that the number is not above 24.
Sometimes I think I am over the ED. That I am... "cured". That just because I am eating so well, I cannot be touched by anorexia ever again.
Our minds are sweet liars, too.

mirrors and minds

For fadingmemories and for anyone else who is still haunted by the demon in the mirror...

You know what makes me wake up some nights with my fist in my mouth, teeth pressing into my knuckles, breath tearing out my lungs? It is the knowledge of the fact that even as I eat normal meals and snacks, that even as I eat a light breakfast, heavy lunch, middling dinner with snacks, that I still count every calorie, that the mirror still tells me of invisible fat, that every other night I reach into a drawer, pull out a tape measure, and measure my waistline praying that the number is not above 24.
Sometimes I think I am over the ED. That I am... "cured". That just because I am eating so well, I cannot be touched by anorexia ever again.
Our minds are sweet liars, too.