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something to remember
Apr. 12th, 2006 03:41 pmI am home sick today, bad tummy. Probably something I ate in the past couple of days.
I am finally feeling much better.
It is also nice that my husband has the day off, we can lounge together. Or something like that.
We have been in the living room. I've been reading Eating In The Light Of The Moon curled up on my couch. Earlier Adam asked for a hug while lying down on his couch. I had been thinking hard about things: what the book was saying, the half of the sandwich I had thrown out, the water retention due to PMS. So when he held me close I murmured, "You love me" and he made a happy assenting sound. "Even if I gained fifty pounds?" I asked. He smiled. "Yes, even if you gain fifty pounds. Although you could never gain fifty pounds. I'd even love you if you lost five pounds. But no more than five."
"Okay," I smiled, "I won't lose more than five pounds."
So then I was back on my couch, reading again, and he asked what I was reading. I showed him the cover. He joked about the title. I explained, "It's written by a doctor. It's a book about, you know, eating disorders and how to overcome them." And then in an OCD moment I started chewing on my lip, running my hands over my stomach, touching my unfamiliar fleshed out face. He smiled and made a dismissive gesture. "Eat. You are loved." I made a noise and said, "Yeah, that's what they usually say."
He got up and started toward the doorway, which is at the foot of my couch. He stopped and came at me. "Joanna, I know I can't understand. All I can do is this." And he leaned down and hugged me hard and rained kisses on my neck and held me close.
Earlier, when he asked me what I wanted to do for the rest of the day, I immediately replied that I wanted chocolate. Lots of it. Dark chocolate, creamy chocolate, chocolate cake. And plain potato chips. And pickles. And he laughed, "Aww, look who's PMSing!"
This book is really, really good, by the way.
I am finally feeling much better.
It is also nice that my husband has the day off, we can lounge together. Or something like that.
We have been in the living room. I've been reading Eating In The Light Of The Moon curled up on my couch. Earlier Adam asked for a hug while lying down on his couch. I had been thinking hard about things: what the book was saying, the half of the sandwich I had thrown out, the water retention due to PMS. So when he held me close I murmured, "You love me" and he made a happy assenting sound. "Even if I gained fifty pounds?" I asked. He smiled. "Yes, even if you gain fifty pounds. Although you could never gain fifty pounds. I'd even love you if you lost five pounds. But no more than five."
"Okay," I smiled, "I won't lose more than five pounds."
So then I was back on my couch, reading again, and he asked what I was reading. I showed him the cover. He joked about the title. I explained, "It's written by a doctor. It's a book about, you know, eating disorders and how to overcome them." And then in an OCD moment I started chewing on my lip, running my hands over my stomach, touching my unfamiliar fleshed out face. He smiled and made a dismissive gesture. "Eat. You are loved." I made a noise and said, "Yeah, that's what they usually say."
He got up and started toward the doorway, which is at the foot of my couch. He stopped and came at me. "Joanna, I know I can't understand. All I can do is this." And he leaned down and hugged me hard and rained kisses on my neck and held me close.
Earlier, when he asked me what I wanted to do for the rest of the day, I immediately replied that I wanted chocolate. Lots of it. Dark chocolate, creamy chocolate, chocolate cake. And plain potato chips. And pickles. And he laughed, "Aww, look who's PMSing!"
This book is really, really good, by the way.
