Brainstuff

Yesterday I had a large vanilla latte with extra vanilla. Right now I am having a large vanilla latte with extra vanilla.
This is the most caffeine I have had all week. I'm not a big coffee drinker. I don't drink soda at all.

I think I may be having a simple partial seizure, but oddly enough it is not affecting my ability to produce thoughts, words, etcetera. It's mostly physical and motor. My muscles are tensing and clenching, I feel hazy. I pause before reaching for something especially with my left hand, I hesitate before getting up to go anywhere or move anything. Things feel dreamy and far away, and I feel like my central nervous system is working in slow motion. But it's not scary at all. It's okay, I feel fine.
I've been sending good vibes to shadesong, who is in the hospital being monitored for seizures. They want her to seize as much as possible so they can study her brainmeats. As it turns out, Trileptal is not a drug that works for her. When they crashed her off it, she did much better in cognitive faculties, especially with her creative writing.
This got me thinking. I want to talk to epileptic writers who are taking Trileptal and ask them exactly how it effects their writerbrains. And I want to talk to epileptic writers on other drugs to see how it affects theit writerbrains. The Trileptal drug works fine for me, I like it a lot, and I hear it does well for other people... but I have been thinking about talking to my doctor about the other medications. Neurontin, Gabatril, maybe. I chose Trileptal because it was reported to have few side effects and because I like things that enhance GABA in my brain. However, what if Trileptal has a declining affect on the writerbrain? I know everyone's brain works differently; Trileptal wasn't working well for 'Song and it hurt her writerbrain... but it's not hurting mine. Still, what if it does?
I wonder if I am being paranoid. I wonder if this is just my brain jabbering. I want my writerbrain to be at top game. The only problem is I have a writerblock in Chapter 21. I had to erase a whole page and start over. And now I am having trouble making words come. See, it's all in my head, it is visual, I can see everything happening -- but it is so hard to describe in words, and I need to. I wish my muses would return. Shaky writerbrain.
Maybe I am just distracted. My husband is on a flight to Arizona, after all. I am alone at work. My husband's 20-year-old dog is having trouble walking and getting up from the floor and that worries me because if Ralph dies it'll be very traumatic and messy, and it is a new fear. We need a new water heater. We also need a new air conditioning system and a new heating system for the house. I understand we can finance it. That's our best option.
Yes, so I guess I am a bit distracted, and mildly stressed without realizing it.

Mmmm, vanilla latte.

Brainstuff

Yesterday I had a large vanilla latte with extra vanilla. Right now I am having a large vanilla latte with extra vanilla.
This is the most caffeine I have had all week. I'm not a big coffee drinker. I don't drink soda at all.

I think I may be having a simple partial seizure, but oddly enough it is not affecting my ability to produce thoughts, words, etcetera. It's mostly physical and motor. My muscles are tensing and clenching, I feel hazy. I pause before reaching for something especially with my left hand, I hesitate before getting up to go anywhere or move anything. Things feel dreamy and far away, and I feel like my central nervous system is working in slow motion. But it's not scary at all. It's okay, I feel fine.
I've been sending good vibes to shadesong, who is in the hospital being monitored for seizures. They want her to seize as much as possible so they can study her brainmeats. As it turns out, Trileptal is not a drug that works for her. When they crashed her off it, she did much better in cognitive faculties, especially with her creative writing.
This got me thinking. I want to talk to epileptic writers who are taking Trileptal and ask them exactly how it effects their writerbrains. And I want to talk to epileptic writers on other drugs to see how it affects theit writerbrains. The Trileptal drug works fine for me, I like it a lot, and I hear it does well for other people... but I have been thinking about talking to my doctor about the other medications. Neurontin, Gabatril, maybe. I chose Trileptal because it was reported to have few side effects and because I like things that enhance GABA in my brain. However, what if Trileptal has a declining affect on the writerbrain? I know everyone's brain works differently; Trileptal wasn't working well for 'Song and it hurt her writerbrain... but it's not hurting mine. Still, what if it does?
I wonder if I am being paranoid. I wonder if this is just my brain jabbering. I want my writerbrain to be at top game. The only problem is I have a writerblock in Chapter 21. I had to erase a whole page and start over. And now I am having trouble making words come. See, it's all in my head, it is visual, I can see everything happening -- but it is so hard to describe in words, and I need to. I wish my muses would return. Shaky writerbrain.
Maybe I am just distracted. My husband is on a flight to Arizona, after all. I am alone at work. My husband's 20-year-old dog is having trouble walking and getting up from the floor and that worries me because if Ralph dies it'll be very traumatic and messy, and it is a new fear. We need a new water heater. We also need a new air conditioning system and a new heating system for the house. I understand we can finance it. That's our best option.
Yes, so I guess I am a bit distracted, and mildly stressed without realizing it.

Mmmm, vanilla latte.

Brainstuff

Yesterday I had a large vanilla latte with extra vanilla. Right now I am having a large vanilla latte with extra vanilla.
This is the most caffeine I have had all week. I'm not a big coffee drinker. I don't drink soda at all.

I think I may be having a simple partial seizure, but oddly enough it is not affecting my ability to produce thoughts, words, etcetera. It's mostly physical and motor. My muscles are tensing and clenching, I feel hazy. I pause before reaching for something especially with my left hand, I hesitate before getting up to go anywhere or move anything. Things feel dreamy and far away, and I feel like my central nervous system is working in slow motion. But it's not scary at all. It's okay, I feel fine.
I've been sending good vibes to shadesong, who is in the hospital being monitored for seizures. They want her to seize as much as possible so they can study her brainmeats. As it turns out, Trileptal is not a drug that works for her. When they crashed her off it, she did much better in cognitive faculties, especially with her creative writing.
This got me thinking. I want to talk to epileptic writers who are taking Trileptal and ask them exactly how it effects their writerbrains. And I want to talk to epileptic writers on other drugs to see how it affects theit writerbrains. The Trileptal drug works fine for me, I like it a lot, and I hear it does well for other people... but I have been thinking about talking to my doctor about the other medications. Neurontin, Gabatril, maybe. I chose Trileptal because it was reported to have few side effects and because I like things that enhance GABA in my brain. However, what if Trileptal has a declining affect on the writerbrain? I know everyone's brain works differently; Trileptal wasn't working well for 'Song and it hurt her writerbrain... but it's not hurting mine. Still, what if it does?
I wonder if I am being paranoid. I wonder if this is just my brain jabbering. I want my writerbrain to be at top game. The only problem is I have a writerblock in Chapter 21. I had to erase a whole page and start over. And now I am having trouble making words come. See, it's all in my head, it is visual, I can see everything happening -- but it is so hard to describe in words, and I need to. I wish my muses would return. Shaky writerbrain.
Maybe I am just distracted. My husband is on a flight to Arizona, after all. I am alone at work. My husband's 20-year-old dog is having trouble walking and getting up from the floor and that worries me because if Ralph dies it'll be very traumatic and messy, and it is a new fear. We need a new water heater. We also need a new air conditioning system and a new heating system for the house. I understand we can finance it. That's our best option.
Yes, so I guess I am a bit distracted, and mildly stressed without realizing it.

Mmmm, vanilla latte.

Bodystuff

Nature's Promise Chocolate Chip Cookies are very, very tasty. Crunchy, though. But tasty.
In some of the communities I belong to, young women have been recommending womenofthemoon to others, and that makes me happy and proud.
I have this restless mental energy despite the physical fatigue. Perhaps I swallowed the moon while it was going through its half eclipse on the other side of the world.
I almost didn't sleep last night. Steve and I made Thai coffee and I drank two glasses full, with lots of milk and sugar. Adam and I lay there, talking, until two in the morning. The alarm had been set for seven-thirty, so he could have some time before Danny had to drive him to BWI; his plane would leave at eleven-thirty. He and I held each other and whispered loverwords. He said, "This is what I always miss the most, holding you."
My joints feel swollen and inflamed. I have to be careful with my knees and my ankles.
During my searching online, I found an article about Nicole Richie, how she and her father are defending her weight loss. They say that her doctor said it's not anorexia, it's stress. They say that tabloid photos make her look skinnier than she really is. I do not know what to think about that.
That's the thing about the world of celebrity and the altar of Media. Photographs can lie. Photographs can stretch, airbrush, distort. But unless there is hard evidence when both sides proclaim different stories, what is truth? That's the power of Media. She is a strange god. She tells us what we want to hear, what she thinks we should hear, occasionally sprinkled with a little bit of what we need to hear. She can be the coldest, hardest bitch we know. But we need her. We don't always know that we need her.
What is truth?
I've been working out very lightly, because of the exhaustion. I want to become toned and fit not because Media shows me pictures of thin women, but because I want to be for myself. That's my truth.

Bodystuff

Nature's Promise Chocolate Chip Cookies are very, very tasty. Crunchy, though. But tasty.
In some of the communities I belong to, young women have been recommending womenofthemoon to others, and that makes me happy and proud.
I have this restless mental energy despite the physical fatigue. Perhaps I swallowed the moon while it was going through its half eclipse on the other side of the world.
I almost didn't sleep last night. Steve and I made Thai coffee and I drank two glasses full, with lots of milk and sugar. Adam and I lay there, talking, until two in the morning. The alarm had been set for seven-thirty, so he could have some time before Danny had to drive him to BWI; his plane would leave at eleven-thirty. He and I held each other and whispered loverwords. He said, "This is what I always miss the most, holding you."
My joints feel swollen and inflamed. I have to be careful with my knees and my ankles.
During my searching online, I found an article about Nicole Richie, how she and her father are defending her weight loss. They say that her doctor said it's not anorexia, it's stress. They say that tabloid photos make her look skinnier than she really is. I do not know what to think about that.
That's the thing about the world of celebrity and the altar of Media. Photographs can lie. Photographs can stretch, airbrush, distort. But unless there is hard evidence when both sides proclaim different stories, what is truth? That's the power of Media. She is a strange god. She tells us what we want to hear, what she thinks we should hear, occasionally sprinkled with a little bit of what we need to hear. She can be the coldest, hardest bitch we know. But we need her. We don't always know that we need her.
What is truth?
I've been working out very lightly, because of the exhaustion. I want to become toned and fit not because Media shows me pictures of thin women, but because I want to be for myself. That's my truth.

Bodystuff

Nature's Promise Chocolate Chip Cookies are very, very tasty. Crunchy, though. But tasty.
In some of the communities I belong to, young women have been recommending womenofthemoon to others, and that makes me happy and proud.
I have this restless mental energy despite the physical fatigue. Perhaps I swallowed the moon while it was going through its half eclipse on the other side of the world.
I almost didn't sleep last night. Steve and I made Thai coffee and I drank two glasses full, with lots of milk and sugar. Adam and I lay there, talking, until two in the morning. The alarm had been set for seven-thirty, so he could have some time before Danny had to drive him to BWI; his plane would leave at eleven-thirty. He and I held each other and whispered loverwords. He said, "This is what I always miss the most, holding you."
My joints feel swollen and inflamed. I have to be careful with my knees and my ankles.
During my searching online, I found an article about Nicole Richie, how she and her father are defending her weight loss. They say that her doctor said it's not anorexia, it's stress. They say that tabloid photos make her look skinnier than she really is. I do not know what to think about that.
That's the thing about the world of celebrity and the altar of Media. Photographs can lie. Photographs can stretch, airbrush, distort. But unless there is hard evidence when both sides proclaim different stories, what is truth? That's the power of Media. She is a strange god. She tells us what we want to hear, what she thinks we should hear, occasionally sprinkled with a little bit of what we need to hear. She can be the coldest, hardest bitch we know. But we need her. We don't always know that we need her.
What is truth?
I've been working out very lightly, because of the exhaustion. I want to become toned and fit not because Media shows me pictures of thin women, but because I want to be for myself. That's my truth.