pain, entry 3

Still hurts. Still bad. Still upset. Still angry. Don't know how it happened. I want it to stop. I can't walk. The only way I can make it look somewhat normal is with a bastardized version of a catwalk stride. One foot directly in front of the other, limp to the left, right foot splayed out with toes pointed sideways. I'm exahusted. All I did was walk three blocks and I want to collapse. It hurts. I'm shaking. Microspasms in the muscles. Spastic overload.
Hell.
I won't cry.
Shit happens. I'll work with it. I work through it.
I will let it pass through me.
Or it will consume.

My husband is sick. He has a cold, maybe something more. And all I can do is talk to him over the phone and the miles, and worry.

I am eating only because I need to, but I am making sure each meal is balanced with plenty of calories. I have to. I'm unable to eat breakfast without feeling sick.

I want to shatter something, break something against a wall, and scream and scream.

pain, entry 3

Still hurts. Still bad. Still upset. Still angry. Don't know how it happened. I want it to stop. I can't walk. The only way I can make it look somewhat normal is with a bastardized version of a catwalk stride. One foot directly in front of the other, limp to the left, right foot splayed out with toes pointed sideways. I'm exahusted. All I did was walk three blocks and I want to collapse. It hurts. I'm shaking. Microspasms in the muscles. Spastic overload.
Hell.
I won't cry.
Shit happens. I'll work with it. I work through it.
I will let it pass through me.
Or it will consume.

My husband is sick. He has a cold, maybe something more. And all I can do is talk to him over the phone and the miles, and worry.

I am eating only because I need to, but I am making sure each meal is balanced with plenty of calories. I have to. I'm unable to eat breakfast without feeling sick.

I want to shatter something, break something against a wall, and scream and scream.

pain, entry 3

Still hurts. Still bad. Still upset. Still angry. Don't know how it happened. I want it to stop. I can't walk. The only way I can make it look somewhat normal is with a bastardized version of a catwalk stride. One foot directly in front of the other, limp to the left, right foot splayed out with toes pointed sideways. I'm exahusted. All I did was walk three blocks and I want to collapse. It hurts. I'm shaking. Microspasms in the muscles. Spastic overload.
Hell.
I won't cry.
Shit happens. I'll work with it. I work through it.
I will let it pass through me.
Or it will consume.

My husband is sick. He has a cold, maybe something more. And all I can do is talk to him over the phone and the miles, and worry.

I am eating only because I need to, but I am making sure each meal is balanced with plenty of calories. I have to. I'm unable to eat breakfast without feeling sick.

I want to shatter something, break something against a wall, and scream and scream.

OMG walking

I walked around my office building today.
I even climbed stairs. Three flights of stairs.
And after work, I walked six streets, and then I walked home from the bus stop.
Hurt like a bitch, but I did it.
This feels so good I don't even know what else to say.
Something in my legs is releasing. Breathing. Relaxing. Loosening. The only way I can describe it is "air conditioning" under my skin. It is what happens when occasionally my CP-affected muscles become loose and relaxed enough to actually feel "normal" (and what is normal anyway), at least temporarily.
I feel so relieved.
I can almost walk normally again.
This is awesome news.
Let's see how long it lasts, hmm? It might all crumble tomorrow and I might be back where I started. Let's hope that doesn't happen.
Yes.

OMG walking

I walked around my office building today.
I even climbed stairs. Three flights of stairs.
And after work, I walked six streets, and then I walked home from the bus stop.
Hurt like a bitch, but I did it.
This feels so good I don't even know what else to say.
Something in my legs is releasing. Breathing. Relaxing. Loosening. The only way I can describe it is "air conditioning" under my skin. It is what happens when occasionally my CP-affected muscles become loose and relaxed enough to actually feel "normal" (and what is normal anyway), at least temporarily.
I feel so relieved.
I can almost walk normally again.
This is awesome news.
Let's see how long it lasts, hmm? It might all crumble tomorrow and I might be back where I started. Let's hope that doesn't happen.
Yes.

OMG walking

I walked around my office building today.
I even climbed stairs. Three flights of stairs.
And after work, I walked six streets, and then I walked home from the bus stop.
Hurt like a bitch, but I did it.
This feels so good I don't even know what else to say.
Something in my legs is releasing. Breathing. Relaxing. Loosening. The only way I can describe it is "air conditioning" under my skin. It is what happens when occasionally my CP-affected muscles become loose and relaxed enough to actually feel "normal" (and what is normal anyway), at least temporarily.
I feel so relieved.
I can almost walk normally again.
This is awesome news.
Let's see how long it lasts, hmm? It might all crumble tomorrow and I might be back where I started. Let's hope that doesn't happen.
Yes.

The cure for everything?

http://community.livejournal.com/metaquotes/5796657.html
I laughed so hard I cried, gasped for breath, actually stumbled out of the chair and onto the couch, stumbled for the stairs, and called Danny down so he could read it.
I laughed so hard I think I temporarily cured my cerebral palsy. Seriously. I'm physically more relaxed and loose than I've been in five years.
I laughed that hard.
Serotonin and dopamine receptors are having the biggest party in my brain.
Oh my gods. Ow. My stomach muscles hurt like hell.
Oh, but clicking on that context link is so worth it...
Wow.

I'm gonna go spin around on my left foot and maybe dance for an hour. I feel like I can do that now. The world's all sparkly.
Yep. Serotonin-dopamine rush. Mmm.
Thank you, metaquotes.

The cure for everything?

http://community.livejournal.com/metaquotes/5796657.html
I laughed so hard I cried, gasped for breath, actually stumbled out of the chair and onto the couch, stumbled for the stairs, and called Danny down so he could read it.
I laughed so hard I think I temporarily cured my cerebral palsy. Seriously. I'm physically more relaxed and loose than I've been in five years.
I laughed that hard.
Serotonin and dopamine receptors are having the biggest party in my brain.
Oh my gods. Ow. My stomach muscles hurt like hell.
Oh, but clicking on that context link is so worth it...
Wow.

I'm gonna go spin around on my left foot and maybe dance for an hour. I feel like I can do that now. The world's all sparkly.
Yep. Serotonin-dopamine rush. Mmm.
Thank you, metaquotes.

The cure for everything?

http://community.livejournal.com/metaquotes/5796657.html
I laughed so hard I cried, gasped for breath, actually stumbled out of the chair and onto the couch, stumbled for the stairs, and called Danny down so he could read it.
I laughed so hard I think I temporarily cured my cerebral palsy. Seriously. I'm physically more relaxed and loose than I've been in five years.
I laughed that hard.
Serotonin and dopamine receptors are having the biggest party in my brain.
Oh my gods. Ow. My stomach muscles hurt like hell.
Oh, but clicking on that context link is so worth it...
Wow.

I'm gonna go spin around on my left foot and maybe dance for an hour. I feel like I can do that now. The world's all sparkly.
Yep. Serotonin-dopamine rush. Mmm.
Thank you, metaquotes.