For weeks and months, I wanted a silver ring with an amber stone. I wanted an amber ring to help me meditate and focus, to help with psychic workings. Amber is powerful.
I finally found one on Ebay and bought it.
It's on my right middle finger today.
It's a heart shape. I'm wearing it with the heart pointed inward, like a claddagh.
It makes me miss my love.
He has IM'ed me two new Gin Blossom songs. One is called "Heart Shaped Locket." He says it reminds him of me.
"Who's the girl with a heart shaped locket?
Sole survivor of a post-teen scene
Lights me up like a bottle-rocket
Cleopatra meets Sandra Dee
Yeah the girl's gonna ruin me"
He says I am his queen. Like Cleopatra. It makes me blush and duck my head (even though he can't see me over the computer). I tell him that I don't know what to say to that. I tell him I feel like every time he says something like that, I need to hold on to it like it is precious, because he doesn't express deep declarations like it that often, the way a lot of men might, and I don't know if that's a good thing or something that needs to be worked on, but then I don't really care how much I get compliments.
And he tells me, "Good. Because you're beautiful too."
And here I am blushing again. He tells me he misses me badly every time he is away, because he wants to have me all the time.
What woman doesn't want a man like that?
There are women whose boyfriends, fiances, and husbands tell them sweet nothings constantly, give them pet names, declare undying glamourous love every single day. Mine is sneakier than that. He makes sure his words go deep and stay deep, he makes sure I don't expect his words because everything he says has a deeper meaning. He doesn't call me pet names because he can't think of any yet. But sometimes he has called me Kitten or Butterfly.
I don't know if I want to be one of those other women, the ones who receive gifts of love-words so often that it is almost saccharine. But in a good way. Maybe I do want it. Who wouldn't? But I also like it this way. It is creative. It is... unexpected.
He tells me he should be home around late Sunday, if he times the drive right. He has a map in his head, with photographic directional memory. He can travel anywhere in the country that he has been to before, by memory. He'll be coming home to me.
Home to me.
I want it so badly I am shaking.
I want to infuse the amber heart ring with something. Are there any suggestions?