distance

Adam will be in Las Vegas by the time I get ready for bed.

It doesn't matter what sort of "long distance relationship" you have, or a relationship where one partner travels constantly; it's still a heartache. You could be three states apart all the time. You could be on both sides of a country, or a continent apart. One of you could be traveling constantly.

I hate when some people try to one-up each other in this. As if they deserve more pain and heartache because their lovers are more of a distance away. They cry that no one understands; they feel they are the only ones. To them I implore that they acquire even a modicum of maturity, or else they should shut up. It doesn't matter; it's not exclusive.

Adam and I started out exclusively long-distance, and stayed like that for two years while I finished college. Now his job sends him all over the country for days, weeks at a time. I'm used it it, I'm fine with it: It still hurts. I miss him before he even leaves.

I admire, applaud, and sympathize with anyone who has this and has gone through this.

distance

Adam will be in Las Vegas by the time I get ready for bed.

It doesn't matter what sort of "long distance relationship" you have, or a relationship where one partner travels constantly; it's still a heartache. You could be three states apart all the time. You could be on both sides of a country, or a continent apart. One of you could be traveling constantly.

I hate when some people try to one-up each other in this. As if they deserve more pain and heartache because their lovers are more of a distance away. They cry that no one understands; they feel they are the only ones. To them I implore that they acquire even a modicum of maturity, or else they should shut up. It doesn't matter; it's not exclusive.

Adam and I started out exclusively long-distance, and stayed like that for two years while I finished college. Now his job sends him all over the country for days, weeks at a time. I'm used it it, I'm fine with it: It still hurts. I miss him before he even leaves.

I admire, applaud, and sympathize with anyone who has this and has gone through this.

distance

Adam will be in Las Vegas by the time I get ready for bed.

It doesn't matter what sort of "long distance relationship" you have, or a relationship where one partner travels constantly; it's still a heartache. You could be three states apart all the time. You could be on both sides of a country, or a continent apart. One of you could be traveling constantly.

I hate when some people try to one-up each other in this. As if they deserve more pain and heartache because their lovers are more of a distance away. They cry that no one understands; they feel they are the only ones. To them I implore that they acquire even a modicum of maturity, or else they should shut up. It doesn't matter; it's not exclusive.

Adam and I started out exclusively long-distance, and stayed like that for two years while I finished college. Now his job sends him all over the country for days, weeks at a time. I'm used it it, I'm fine with it: It still hurts. I miss him before he even leaves.

I admire, applaud, and sympathize with anyone who has this and has gone through this.

distance, continued

I think what personally gives me strength is a combination of two things: Having started off in a long distance relationship, and having that relationship be my first real, solid love.

Before Adam, I had not had any steady boyfriends. A flirtation here and there, a month or two of "going out". I was terrified of getting in deep and then having heartbreak. I kept myself as emotionally distant as possible. I wasn't emotionally mature enough. Even Damar wasn't a deep relationship; we flirted, we made out on the couch, we referred to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, but for those five years there was still just a teenage playfulness.
Mom says that I was too empathic, too emotionally intense, too sensitive. Even being touched intimately was overwhelming. It was also tied into that phobia of losing control.

I met Adam for the first time when I was nineteen. When Tish and Bane began a relationship over distance. Tish was incredibly pleased and proud to set me up with Adam over phone calls and emails and instant messaging. She referred to him as the love of my life very early on. But by the time Adam and I physically met, things were different. We had to be friends only; and naturally it would have happened anyway. He was involved with Jenn in a whirlwind romance; I had been cruelly dumped by Ben when I shouldn't have even gotten involved. Emotional immaturity still on my part. Oh, I would have been scared away quickly.
Eventually, destiny and the universe decided enough was enough.

I had not expected to fall in love with a man I had only seen for a single week. Not expected to fall in love over a phone line. But I think that was how it was supposed to be. Face to face might have been devastating. In the safety of distance, I could be within myself. He hadn't needed to impress me. His voice was all I needed. I didn't need to hide; there was no reason. Which made coming together all the more sweet. That moment in the airport plays over and over in my dreams every night. And neither of us forget that I, the shy one, was the one who initiated the first kiss, the first hug, the first hand-holding, the first request for sex. Because I was finally ready. Because I knew. Because there was no running away anymore. This was it. It was done. He was it.
It was why two years later, on September 22 2001, I didn't even hesitate to step on the plane and leave my entire life behind in New York, to live in Maryland with the only man I had ever said "I love you" to.

Now, people listen to my story and applaud me, call me strong, call me brave. But to me, it was what had to be done. There was no question. There was no doubt. It was not even up for debate. Literally, I'd had no choice. This is my soul mate. This is my everything. This is my forever.

This morning, we delighted in whispering "I'll miss you" over and over against each other's lips; and we held each other for as long as we could before I had to leave for work. I cherished how he held on to me even as I slid off the bed. I cherished the contented sigh that fell from his lips as he watched me sleepily, then murmured happily, "You'll miss me" and fell back asleep.

It makes every moment we're together that much more precious. It solidifies the love. It makes us understand that we are stronger than steel because we can handle it and come out smiling.

It is good to be missed.
It is good to be loved.

distance, continued

I think what personally gives me strength is a combination of two things: Having started off in a long distance relationship, and having that relationship be my first real, solid love.

Before Adam, I had not had any steady boyfriends. A flirtation here and there, a month or two of "going out". I was terrified of getting in deep and then having heartbreak. I kept myself as emotionally distant as possible. I wasn't emotionally mature enough. Even Damar wasn't a deep relationship; we flirted, we made out on the couch, we referred to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, but for those five years there was still just a teenage playfulness.
Mom says that I was too empathic, too emotionally intense, too sensitive. Even being touched intimately was overwhelming. It was also tied into that phobia of losing control.

I met Adam for the first time when I was nineteen. When Tish and Bane began a relationship over distance. Tish was incredibly pleased and proud to set me up with Adam over phone calls and emails and instant messaging. She referred to him as the love of my life very early on. But by the time Adam and I physically met, things were different. We had to be friends only; and naturally it would have happened anyway. He was involved with Jenn in a whirlwind romance; I had been cruelly dumped by Ben when I shouldn't have even gotten involved. Emotional immaturity still on my part. Oh, I would have been scared away quickly.
Eventually, destiny and the universe decided enough was enough.

I had not expected to fall in love with a man I had only seen for a single week. Not expected to fall in love over a phone line. But I think that was how it was supposed to be. Face to face might have been devastating. In the safety of distance, I could be within myself. He hadn't needed to impress me. His voice was all I needed. I didn't need to hide; there was no reason. Which made coming together all the more sweet. That moment in the airport plays over and over in my dreams every night. And neither of us forget that I, the shy one, was the one who initiated the first kiss, the first hug, the first hand-holding, the first request for sex. Because I was finally ready. Because I knew. Because there was no running away anymore. This was it. It was done. He was it.
It was why two years later, on September 22 2001, I didn't even hesitate to step on the plane and leave my entire life behind in New York, to live in Maryland with the only man I had ever said "I love you" to.

Now, people listen to my story and applaud me, call me strong, call me brave. But to me, it was what had to be done. There was no question. There was no doubt. It was not even up for debate. Literally, I'd had no choice. This is my soul mate. This is my everything. This is my forever.

This morning, we delighted in whispering "I'll miss you" over and over against each other's lips; and we held each other for as long as we could before I had to leave for work. I cherished how he held on to me even as I slid off the bed. I cherished the contented sigh that fell from his lips as he watched me sleepily, then murmured happily, "You'll miss me" and fell back asleep.

It makes every moment we're together that much more precious. It solidifies the love. It makes us understand that we are stronger than steel because we can handle it and come out smiling.

It is good to be missed.
It is good to be loved.

distance, continued

I think what personally gives me strength is a combination of two things: Having started off in a long distance relationship, and having that relationship be my first real, solid love.

Before Adam, I had not had any steady boyfriends. A flirtation here and there, a month or two of "going out". I was terrified of getting in deep and then having heartbreak. I kept myself as emotionally distant as possible. I wasn't emotionally mature enough. Even Damar wasn't a deep relationship; we flirted, we made out on the couch, we referred to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, but for those five years there was still just a teenage playfulness.
Mom says that I was too empathic, too emotionally intense, too sensitive. Even being touched intimately was overwhelming. It was also tied into that phobia of losing control.

I met Adam for the first time when I was nineteen. When Tish and Bane began a relationship over distance. Tish was incredibly pleased and proud to set me up with Adam over phone calls and emails and instant messaging. She referred to him as the love of my life very early on. But by the time Adam and I physically met, things were different. We had to be friends only; and naturally it would have happened anyway. He was involved with Jenn in a whirlwind romance; I had been cruelly dumped by Ben when I shouldn't have even gotten involved. Emotional immaturity still on my part. Oh, I would have been scared away quickly.
Eventually, destiny and the universe decided enough was enough.

I had not expected to fall in love with a man I had only seen for a single week. Not expected to fall in love over a phone line. But I think that was how it was supposed to be. Face to face might have been devastating. In the safety of distance, I could be within myself. He hadn't needed to impress me. His voice was all I needed. I didn't need to hide; there was no reason. Which made coming together all the more sweet. That moment in the airport plays over and over in my dreams every night. And neither of us forget that I, the shy one, was the one who initiated the first kiss, the first hug, the first hand-holding, the first request for sex. Because I was finally ready. Because I knew. Because there was no running away anymore. This was it. It was done. He was it.
It was why two years later, on September 22 2001, I didn't even hesitate to step on the plane and leave my entire life behind in New York, to live in Maryland with the only man I had ever said "I love you" to.

Now, people listen to my story and applaud me, call me strong, call me brave. But to me, it was what had to be done. There was no question. There was no doubt. It was not even up for debate. Literally, I'd had no choice. This is my soul mate. This is my everything. This is my forever.

This morning, we delighted in whispering "I'll miss you" over and over against each other's lips; and we held each other for as long as we could before I had to leave for work. I cherished how he held on to me even as I slid off the bed. I cherished the contented sigh that fell from his lips as he watched me sleepily, then murmured happily, "You'll miss me" and fell back asleep.

It makes every moment we're together that much more precious. It solidifies the love. It makes us understand that we are stronger than steel because we can handle it and come out smiling.

It is good to be missed.
It is good to be loved.

flinch

So, last night, Adam handed me a lottery ticket and told me to check the numbers when the time came. He joked, "You'll know it's won if my plane crashes because that's probably the only way I'll win the lottery."
He just called me from his layover in Ohio, and said, "Well, I almost won the lottery." There was so much turbulence due to weather that there was some serious thought that the plane would in fact go down. This, obviously, was not happy news. When Adam breaks out in a fear sweat, it's bad. Adam doesn't scare easily at all.
He says he wants to go home. I don't blame him. I want him home. I napped on the train this morning and had a brief dream in which, yes, his plane nearly crashed.
But he says he's okay. Now. And there is still another three and a half hour flight to Las Vegas. I will cross my fingers. He says he will call when he is in his hotel room safe.
Airplane turbulence terrifies me.

flinch

So, last night, Adam handed me a lottery ticket and told me to check the numbers when the time came. He joked, "You'll know it's won if my plane crashes because that's probably the only way I'll win the lottery."
He just called me from his layover in Ohio, and said, "Well, I almost won the lottery." There was so much turbulence due to weather that there was some serious thought that the plane would in fact go down. This, obviously, was not happy news. When Adam breaks out in a fear sweat, it's bad. Adam doesn't scare easily at all.
He says he wants to go home. I don't blame him. I want him home. I napped on the train this morning and had a brief dream in which, yes, his plane nearly crashed.
But he says he's okay. Now. And there is still another three and a half hour flight to Las Vegas. I will cross my fingers. He says he will call when he is in his hotel room safe.
Airplane turbulence terrifies me.

flinch

So, last night, Adam handed me a lottery ticket and told me to check the numbers when the time came. He joked, "You'll know it's won if my plane crashes because that's probably the only way I'll win the lottery."
He just called me from his layover in Ohio, and said, "Well, I almost won the lottery." There was so much turbulence due to weather that there was some serious thought that the plane would in fact go down. This, obviously, was not happy news. When Adam breaks out in a fear sweat, it's bad. Adam doesn't scare easily at all.
He says he wants to go home. I don't blame him. I want him home. I napped on the train this morning and had a brief dream in which, yes, his plane nearly crashed.
But he says he's okay. Now. And there is still another three and a half hour flight to Las Vegas. I will cross my fingers. He says he will call when he is in his hotel room safe.
Airplane turbulence terrifies me.

Ok Go

According to the flight status on Delta's website, Adam's plane arrived at the gate at 5:41 West Coast Time (8:41 East Coast Time). So, right now he'll be walking through the airport, waiting for his luggage, kissing the ground, and probably going to find a drink to calm his nerves. Yeah, he hates flying.
He promised to call me once he is in his hotel room, at the Flamingo casino. That will mostly likely be either as I am watching the "Robin Hood" season finale shortly (BBC America) or getting ready for bed.

He also left me a note on my laptop, with a clue, which will lead to other notes and clues, which will then lead to a surprise gift. One of my favorite games.
I will update with the results of that later.

Ok Go

According to the flight status on Delta's website, Adam's plane arrived at the gate at 5:41 West Coast Time (8:41 East Coast Time). So, right now he'll be walking through the airport, waiting for his luggage, kissing the ground, and probably going to find a drink to calm his nerves. Yeah, he hates flying.
He promised to call me once he is in his hotel room, at the Flamingo casino. That will mostly likely be either as I am watching the "Robin Hood" season finale shortly (BBC America) or getting ready for bed.

He also left me a note on my laptop, with a clue, which will lead to other notes and clues, which will then lead to a surprise gift. One of my favorite games.
I will update with the results of that later.

Ok Go

According to the flight status on Delta's website, Adam's plane arrived at the gate at 5:41 West Coast Time (8:41 East Coast Time). So, right now he'll be walking through the airport, waiting for his luggage, kissing the ground, and probably going to find a drink to calm his nerves. Yeah, he hates flying.
He promised to call me once he is in his hotel room, at the Flamingo casino. That will mostly likely be either as I am watching the "Robin Hood" season finale shortly (BBC America) or getting ready for bed.

He also left me a note on my laptop, with a clue, which will lead to other notes and clues, which will then lead to a surprise gift. One of my favorite games.
I will update with the results of that later.

Adam's Game

Adam called just before nine; he was waiting on his luggage. He was in pain because somehow a shard of glass had gotten into his shoe and sliced his foot; he's going to get it properly cleaned and sterilized once he gets to the hotel.
Meanwhile, I was still looking for his notes and clues, so he cheerfully dropped a few hints, and now it is done.

The clues have been uncovered; the gift has been found.

The initial starting note was tucked into my laptop, where I'd see it when I opened the screen.
"I miss you very much. I've hidden four notes for you to find. Love, Adam."
The initial clue: Grandfather Time.
In the tiny grandfather clock mounted on the wall to the right of my table (where I have my laptop) was the first note with the first clue, wedged under the glass door.
Note 1: "The more time that passes, the more my love for you grows."
Clue 1: "At morning time, I am awash with rainbows."
The second note was hidden in the living room chandelier that Adam had made by hand after we had first moved into the townhouse, which hung in front of a window.
Note 2: "You lift my heart more than any rainbow, and you inspire love and hope in more people than you know."
Clue 2: "It's not the onion that's making you cry, but you might need a step stool."
In the basket hanging from a corner of the kitchen are several large red onions. The third note was nestled between them.
Note 3: "It's not your size, it's your stature. In my heart, you are a giant."
Clue 3: "Like a torch, you light my world."
This was difficult. My initial reaction was to go out to the front yard and check each of the four torches that stood around the grass. However, the fourth and final note was actually hidden deeply away in the living room overhead lamp, between the lamp's base and the wall. I had to stand on the couch to get it.
The final note and surprise gift:
"Know that although I'm gone, my heart is with you, as are my thoughts. I hope that you have enjoyed my present. I know it is not much, but I hope it tells you I love you. It's not that I didn't want to be in bed sooner, it's that I wanted to spend my time with you even if I wasn't there. I love you, my wife. You are my everything."
He had drawn a rose on the back of the paper.

After reading this, I called Adam back, with tears streaming down my face, laughing and crying and bursting with joy.

And this is why I married that man.

Adam's Game

Adam called just before nine; he was waiting on his luggage. He was in pain because somehow a shard of glass had gotten into his shoe and sliced his foot; he's going to get it properly cleaned and sterilized once he gets to the hotel.
Meanwhile, I was still looking for his notes and clues, so he cheerfully dropped a few hints, and now it is done.

The clues have been uncovered; the gift has been found.

The initial starting note was tucked into my laptop, where I'd see it when I opened the screen.
"I miss you very much. I've hidden four notes for you to find. Love, Adam."
The initial clue: Grandfather Time.
In the tiny grandfather clock mounted on the wall to the right of my table (where I have my laptop) was the first note with the first clue, wedged under the glass door.
Note 1: "The more time that passes, the more my love for you grows."
Clue 1: "At morning time, I am awash with rainbows."
The second note was hidden in the living room chandelier that Adam had made by hand after we had first moved into the townhouse, which hung in front of a window.
Note 2: "You lift my heart more than any rainbow, and you inspire love and hope in more people than you know."
Clue 2: "It's not the onion that's making you cry, but you might need a step stool."
In the basket hanging from a corner of the kitchen are several large red onions. The third note was nestled between them.
Note 3: "It's not your size, it's your stature. In my heart, you are a giant."
Clue 3: "Like a torch, you light my world."
This was difficult. My initial reaction was to go out to the front yard and check each of the four torches that stood around the grass. However, the fourth and final note was actually hidden deeply away in the living room overhead lamp, between the lamp's base and the wall. I had to stand on the couch to get it.
The final note and surprise gift:
"Know that although I'm gone, my heart is with you, as are my thoughts. I hope that you have enjoyed my present. I know it is not much, but I hope it tells you I love you. It's not that I didn't want to be in bed sooner, it's that I wanted to spend my time with you even if I wasn't there. I love you, my wife. You are my everything."
He had drawn a rose on the back of the paper.

After reading this, I called Adam back, with tears streaming down my face, laughing and crying and bursting with joy.

And this is why I married that man.

Adam's Game

Adam called just before nine; he was waiting on his luggage. He was in pain because somehow a shard of glass had gotten into his shoe and sliced his foot; he's going to get it properly cleaned and sterilized once he gets to the hotel.
Meanwhile, I was still looking for his notes and clues, so he cheerfully dropped a few hints, and now it is done.

The clues have been uncovered; the gift has been found.

The initial starting note was tucked into my laptop, where I'd see it when I opened the screen.
"I miss you very much. I've hidden four notes for you to find. Love, Adam."
The initial clue: Grandfather Time.
In the tiny grandfather clock mounted on the wall to the right of my table (where I have my laptop) was the first note with the first clue, wedged under the glass door.
Note 1: "The more time that passes, the more my love for you grows."
Clue 1: "At morning time, I am awash with rainbows."
The second note was hidden in the living room chandelier that Adam had made by hand after we had first moved into the townhouse, which hung in front of a window.
Note 2: "You lift my heart more than any rainbow, and you inspire love and hope in more people than you know."
Clue 2: "It's not the onion that's making you cry, but you might need a step stool."
In the basket hanging from a corner of the kitchen are several large red onions. The third note was nestled between them.
Note 3: "It's not your size, it's your stature. In my heart, you are a giant."
Clue 3: "Like a torch, you light my world."
This was difficult. My initial reaction was to go out to the front yard and check each of the four torches that stood around the grass. However, the fourth and final note was actually hidden deeply away in the living room overhead lamp, between the lamp's base and the wall. I had to stand on the couch to get it.
The final note and surprise gift:
"Know that although I'm gone, my heart is with you, as are my thoughts. I hope that you have enjoyed my present. I know it is not much, but I hope it tells you I love you. It's not that I didn't want to be in bed sooner, it's that I wanted to spend my time with you even if I wasn't there. I love you, my wife. You are my everything."
He had drawn a rose on the back of the paper.

After reading this, I called Adam back, with tears streaming down my face, laughing and crying and bursting with joy.

And this is why I married that man.