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Reconnected
Oct. 6th, 2008 11:41 amI connected with all three alter egos this weekend, through the somewhat mentally draining combination of deep private meditation, psychotropic herbs, and muscle relaxants. If my guardians work together hard enough, they can remove the worst effects of my cerebral palsy and fibromyalgia for a few precious hours. Naturally the medications help. But when I add in the Girls and the intense specific meditation technique, the effects are quickly magnified.
Unfortunately, in order to get me to where I was on Saturday, it takes a certain amount of effort that can backfire the next day, as was evident on Sunday. My muscles tried to go back to their usual clenched and spastic state, which caused massive pain and tension, which made me cry.
This is why I don't call on the triad very much, why I usually just take the medications and maybe meditate lightly. Still, it was so worth it to be able to move and stretch and spin and dance like nothing was wrong. I work my magic* into every meditation and don't really use specific rituals, because my personal magic is part of me, my life, and I don't usually need to call it when it's already there. Sometimes it doesn't work the way I wish it would, but I use it whenever I can.
I haven't mentioned this before because it's a recent development that I wasn't sure would work. I don't usually talk about my alters much here, not because I worry that people would think I'm crazy, but because my relationship with them is so intensely personal. Some might say that I don't have alters at all, it's just all me, nothing but my own mind, a kind of psychic placebo. That's okay. At least I know who I am.
The energy cocktail I took this morning (rhodiola, yerba mate, cordyceps) is working so well I want to cry with joy and relief. I may take a chance tonight and meditate with the triad (without medication) to try and get the tension out of my legs and lower back.
I'm not looking forward to the day when I might need a cane. I'm working hard to never get to that point.
(*Magic as defined as a conceptual system that asserts human ability to control the natural world through mystical, paranormal or supernatural means, as well as natural forces that cannot be detected by science, and in fact may not be detectable at all.)
Unfortunately, in order to get me to where I was on Saturday, it takes a certain amount of effort that can backfire the next day, as was evident on Sunday. My muscles tried to go back to their usual clenched and spastic state, which caused massive pain and tension, which made me cry.
This is why I don't call on the triad very much, why I usually just take the medications and maybe meditate lightly. Still, it was so worth it to be able to move and stretch and spin and dance like nothing was wrong. I work my magic* into every meditation and don't really use specific rituals, because my personal magic is part of me, my life, and I don't usually need to call it when it's already there. Sometimes it doesn't work the way I wish it would, but I use it whenever I can.
I haven't mentioned this before because it's a recent development that I wasn't sure would work. I don't usually talk about my alters much here, not because I worry that people would think I'm crazy, but because my relationship with them is so intensely personal. Some might say that I don't have alters at all, it's just all me, nothing but my own mind, a kind of psychic placebo. That's okay. At least I know who I am.
The energy cocktail I took this morning (rhodiola, yerba mate, cordyceps) is working so well I want to cry with joy and relief. I may take a chance tonight and meditate with the triad (without medication) to try and get the tension out of my legs and lower back.
I'm not looking forward to the day when I might need a cane. I'm working hard to never get to that point.
(*Magic as defined as a conceptual system that asserts human ability to control the natural world through mystical, paranormal or supernatural means, as well as natural forces that cannot be detected by science, and in fact may not be detectable at all.)
