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I've spoken before about the various fascinating kinds of partial seizures, but in case anyone forgot, here is a good primer:
http://www.ehow.com/list_6020170_signs-symptoms-focal-seizure.html
I've experienced all of these, often all at once. Last night was a good example. In fact, it swelled up to such a huge, painful, highly disturbing and creepy seizure that I felt myself grab my hair and yank it, and heard myself shouting as loudly as I could, almost screaming, trying to force the seizure out of me.
I've sometimes said that I have been able to use powerful meditative techniques to stop a seizure in its tracks, but admittedly that really only worked on simple partial seizures, also known as warning seizures and auras. Once I'm in a complex partial seizure, I need to ride it out or face its wrath. Thankfully, these seizures often don't last long. Anywhere from under a minute to just under five minutes it is powerful. Anything afterwards is the immediate postictal state that may seem like an extension.
And so, when last night's seizure struck randomly amusingly enough just as I was posting that above link on Facebook, I realized that was losing the outside world too quickly to do anything but sit back and breathe and just let myself be thrown and lost into the psychic world of malfuctioning neurons. I saw the faces of Alicia, my psychic seizure guide, flash before me, and in my mind I grabbed her hand, closed my eyes, and let myself fall.
I was both in and out of my body, so I could feel everything I was doing to myself but I had no control. The world of all my senses was overlaid with the world of all my malfunctioning senses: A beautiful garden leading to a beautiful forest from another world, that Wonderland world that looks like an acid trip on an acid trip. Alicia was guiding me gently through, since the "portal" to my looking glass at the end of the seizure was always somewhere beyond the forest, in various places with various seizures. Without Alicia my mind would be lost, which was exactly why my mind created her and Serena to help me.
At my looking glass portal, Serena waited on the other side to take me and hold me until the pains and spasms calmed. Serena's place always looks like the gleaming bedroom of an old haunted mansion, with dark red velvet and and silk and gold trim on curtains and rugs and beds and chairs. It is always phenomenally comfortable and calming in that room, hence why my mind created it. Serena helped me to the king sized bed, low enough for me to simply lie down without climbing on. I lay there while she pressed a compress to my head, while she massaged acupressure points and gave me a soft scalp massage, humming all the way. Her nails were painted wine red like her lips, her black hair loose to her waist, her outfit a red and gold silk top to match the room, with dark blue jeans and dark green socks to match her eyes. I always wonder if my mind created her as an infinitely wealthy trust fund baby surrounded by comfort and security and luxury and artistry, just as Alicia was created as a forest living polymath martial artist at home in a magic cottage. Parts of me that I long for.
Serena began singing in a soprano voice, so I closed my eyes. When I opened them, I was physically back and the seizure had left me exhausted and feeling ill.
I went to bed and did not wake up until noon today. I don't remember my dreams at all. Probably a good thing. Medicines have been working well so far; time for another Soma. My appetite is still so poor that I am still eating the same bowl of yogurt from two hours ago. There is plenty of food, I just don't really want it. I will most likely heat up a pizza just to get something bigger into my stomach. I need this to not scare me, because memories are coming back, and the last thing I want is to feel that frightening comfort in hunger and restriction. But having multiple disabilities is exhausting, and I don't think that depression episode is really over.
Today is a serious resting day.
http://www.ehow.com/list_6020170_signs-symptoms-focal-seizure.html
I've experienced all of these, often all at once. Last night was a good example. In fact, it swelled up to such a huge, painful, highly disturbing and creepy seizure that I felt myself grab my hair and yank it, and heard myself shouting as loudly as I could, almost screaming, trying to force the seizure out of me.
I've sometimes said that I have been able to use powerful meditative techniques to stop a seizure in its tracks, but admittedly that really only worked on simple partial seizures, also known as warning seizures and auras. Once I'm in a complex partial seizure, I need to ride it out or face its wrath. Thankfully, these seizures often don't last long. Anywhere from under a minute to just under five minutes it is powerful. Anything afterwards is the immediate postictal state that may seem like an extension.
And so, when last night's seizure struck randomly amusingly enough just as I was posting that above link on Facebook, I realized that was losing the outside world too quickly to do anything but sit back and breathe and just let myself be thrown and lost into the psychic world of malfuctioning neurons. I saw the faces of Alicia, my psychic seizure guide, flash before me, and in my mind I grabbed her hand, closed my eyes, and let myself fall.
I was both in and out of my body, so I could feel everything I was doing to myself but I had no control. The world of all my senses was overlaid with the world of all my malfunctioning senses: A beautiful garden leading to a beautiful forest from another world, that Wonderland world that looks like an acid trip on an acid trip. Alicia was guiding me gently through, since the "portal" to my looking glass at the end of the seizure was always somewhere beyond the forest, in various places with various seizures. Without Alicia my mind would be lost, which was exactly why my mind created her and Serena to help me.
At my looking glass portal, Serena waited on the other side to take me and hold me until the pains and spasms calmed. Serena's place always looks like the gleaming bedroom of an old haunted mansion, with dark red velvet and and silk and gold trim on curtains and rugs and beds and chairs. It is always phenomenally comfortable and calming in that room, hence why my mind created it. Serena helped me to the king sized bed, low enough for me to simply lie down without climbing on. I lay there while she pressed a compress to my head, while she massaged acupressure points and gave me a soft scalp massage, humming all the way. Her nails were painted wine red like her lips, her black hair loose to her waist, her outfit a red and gold silk top to match the room, with dark blue jeans and dark green socks to match her eyes. I always wonder if my mind created her as an infinitely wealthy trust fund baby surrounded by comfort and security and luxury and artistry, just as Alicia was created as a forest living polymath martial artist at home in a magic cottage. Parts of me that I long for.
Serena began singing in a soprano voice, so I closed my eyes. When I opened them, I was physically back and the seizure had left me exhausted and feeling ill.
I went to bed and did not wake up until noon today. I don't remember my dreams at all. Probably a good thing. Medicines have been working well so far; time for another Soma. My appetite is still so poor that I am still eating the same bowl of yogurt from two hours ago. There is plenty of food, I just don't really want it. I will most likely heat up a pizza just to get something bigger into my stomach. I need this to not scare me, because memories are coming back, and the last thing I want is to feel that frightening comfort in hunger and restriction. But having multiple disabilities is exhausting, and I don't think that depression episode is really over.
Today is a serious resting day.
