May. 19th, 2013

brightrosefox: (Default)
So. I talk a lot about fibromyalgia, often about epilepsy, occasionally about cerebral palsy. I don't talk enough about how the minutiae and tiny complexities of cerebral palsy affect me on a daily basis, because there is so much to talk about with so much to explain, and not even my husband gets everything - in fact, since his brain works too quickly for... well, everything, my brain is slightly illogical, very odd to him. Only my mother and father understand Joanna's Brain. I mean that literally. Someone could insist that they know how I work, but they actually cannot, they are literally unable to figure me out unless they observed me very closely as I grew.
Now. The thing that seems to puzzle people most about my brain is that I have trouble making easy connections between what I see and hear and feel, and what is observed and perceived. It is why I am a terrible housewife. It's why I don't clean the house as often as I should. It's why I forget to do things, why I get scolded, why I can easily irritate people. Connections get lose very quickly and very easily. I need to see, hear, feel, understand, over and over and over. "Jo, why the hell did you do that? Jo, why the hell didn't you do that? Jo, didn't you get that? You forgot to do that! You need to do that!" - phrases I hear constantly. I act on impulse. Often, the impulse is on a childish level, where I just don't notice or understand or even care. Yes, I have OCD and ADHD Inattentive and Sensory Processing Disorder. They do contribute to how I act and react. But I can readily admit that sometimes, it is just me. Sometimes my brain happens without rhyme or reason. I may be a thirtysomething adult woman, but most of the time parts of my brain don't realize it.
Neurology is weird, isn't it?
brightrosefox: (Default)
Aww, I remember writing this last year and people being very amused.
***
Bright eyed, bushy haired, bright colors, babbling due to painkillers and happy muscle relaxants and healing gemstones and all that weird pseudoscience silliness that I believe in despite my atheist agnostic upbringing.
I've been pagan since I was a teenager, so hah. Polyagnostic polytheist pantheist eclectic witch who will believe even if proven completely wrong. Even when my parents insists that it's just my brain and that psychic powers don't exist, I will agree because that is true, too. There are so many truths out there. I love quantum everything.
See, I follow the Discworld concept: Even if a deity manifests in front of be and insists it is a great god, I will tell it "That's nice. Just because you exist doesn't mean I believe in you. I believe in my Higher Brain smushed with my Subconscious, which you possibly came from. But since you are here, let's party anyway. Red wine?"
I firmly believe that Man created God, and the Universe created both Man and God, and all gods everywhere sprang fully formed from Man's brain because Man's brain is more complex and extreme than we can ever conceive. The universe is bigger than everything.
And I have also always believed in All The Gods, so whenever someone asks me if I believe in God, I always ask "Which one?" which leads to confusion and people thinking I'm, like, evil or something and must be saved or whatever that means. *shrug* I don't care. I like what I like and I don't want to push it on anyone because my faith is mine and your faith is yours.
I just ask that you please please do not attempt to convert me to Christianity because nope nope nope. I am half Jewish, I know that Christianity is a Jewish heresay, I know Yeshua was just a man who explored various believes including paganism and then returned to talk about it, and that he wasn't part god, he was just a very good orator. So, no. I am who I am and if you leave me alone I will not roll my eyes and facepalm at you. I love you all, I always will... but I can love everyone without being bothered by proselytizing. Love is love is love is love. There is no wrong or right, there is only love.
***
brightrosefox: (Default)
Hey, [livejournal.com profile] naamah_darling. I couldn't find that old post with Amber's original origin story, so I'm just copying it as a new post. This Amber is kind of the same Amber, and she was supposed to go on to meet Clara and they would save the world, etc. I'm cherry picking right now.
Also, the vampires are not exactly the vampires we think of when we think of vampires. They have sharp teeth because they are predatory, not really because they need blood to survive.

Blood And Soul )

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