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brightrosefox...so I won't. Because panicking won't get me anywhere.
But I am still struggling to breathe. Because I have a very negative balance in my checking account, and by the time the fraudluent charge is investigated and I get the money back, it will be the very end of the month, and my direct deposited paycheck will probably be depleted a bit, and that sucks. But I can only hope that the bonus I'll get will be decent enough to help cover the important bills. I can only hope that my roommate will start getting better paychecks so I can get some rent money to put toward bills. It's all about bills and bills and bills.
Just...
don't panic, I tell myself. Yes, you were stupid somehow, and somehow someone stole your bank card number. But you did the best you could.
A couple more weeks and it will be okay. I'll have my money back. And my husband will be home, and my cats will feel better, and I'll get my house cleaned up, and it will be okay.
And really, it's not so horrible. It could be much worse. I tell myself, quit whining, you're not so bad off.
I have some cash in my wallet. I can bring my lunch to work from home. I don't have to pay for transportation. I don't need to go anywhere or do anything on the weekends. I can live. But it is just that breathlessness of waiting, of nervous anticipation, and I'm a classic worrier and anxiety-driven and I just need to take some deep deep breaths.
...because my body is in a state of near collapse, the pain beast straining against the web in the ether, the electrical current rushing like lightning under every part of my skin, all four elements pounding and screaming across muscles and tendons and joints nerves, migraine threatening to wipe out all coherency, and I am shivering and cold and the Raynaud's is flaring. It's stress, I say. I am doing this to myself, I am allowing stress to destroy me. I will not allow it to control me, I will not allow it to hurt me. I will not, I will not, I will not--
...because I'm stronger than it, I am stronger than all of it, and I will not give in, because it will kill me, and I deserve this strength--
YES.
But I am still struggling to breathe. Because I have a very negative balance in my checking account, and by the time the fraudluent charge is investigated and I get the money back, it will be the very end of the month, and my direct deposited paycheck will probably be depleted a bit, and that sucks. But I can only hope that the bonus I'll get will be decent enough to help cover the important bills. I can only hope that my roommate will start getting better paychecks so I can get some rent money to put toward bills. It's all about bills and bills and bills.
Just...
don't panic, I tell myself. Yes, you were stupid somehow, and somehow someone stole your bank card number. But you did the best you could.
A couple more weeks and it will be okay. I'll have my money back. And my husband will be home, and my cats will feel better, and I'll get my house cleaned up, and it will be okay.
And really, it's not so horrible. It could be much worse. I tell myself, quit whining, you're not so bad off.
I have some cash in my wallet. I can bring my lunch to work from home. I don't have to pay for transportation. I don't need to go anywhere or do anything on the weekends. I can live. But it is just that breathlessness of waiting, of nervous anticipation, and I'm a classic worrier and anxiety-driven and I just need to take some deep deep breaths.
...because my body is in a state of near collapse, the pain beast straining against the web in the ether, the electrical current rushing like lightning under every part of my skin, all four elements pounding and screaming across muscles and tendons and joints nerves, migraine threatening to wipe out all coherency, and I am shivering and cold and the Raynaud's is flaring. It's stress, I say. I am doing this to myself, I am allowing stress to destroy me. I will not allow it to control me, I will not allow it to hurt me. I will not, I will not, I will not--
...because I'm stronger than it, I am stronger than all of it, and I will not give in, because it will kill me, and I deserve this strength--
YES.
