New scenes: Need feedback

[brightrosefox]

I'm a little irritated by the apparent stagnant flow here. Maybe it's just me. Suggestions?

****


They saw it through second sight, before actual sight. The sky above them rolled into black clouds, swirling clouds, menacing clouds. “It’s not real,” Kara murmured.

“Everything is real,” Dana answered in a low voice. She stepped back, arms out to her sides, palms down flat. Her eyes flared. Automatically, Kara, skittered back a few steps. She felt heat curl against her skin, tasting gently, moving along her bare arms. Her sleeveless top billowed out slightly, as if from a rush of warm air. Her eyes watered; she blinked and wiped them but she didn’t look away. Static built up in the air.

She couldn’t tell if the slow way Dana raised her arms over her head was from the pressure or the atmosphere, but it created an intense flare of heat that surrounded the two of them in a dome-like shape. It reminded her of the first time she saw Tom’s avatar.

Dana’s power flicked like a creature showing off its color. It quickly reshaped into a column, iridescent energy shimmering, and sucked back into Dana’s hands. The skin from her wrists to her fingertips began to burn with bluish white intensity. Kara saw air molecules spark, bounce and vibrate as force gathered and prepared to spring. When Dana thrust her hand further skyward, the power pounced, panther-tense coiled spring that shot up into nowhere. But Kara thought she heard someone scream, too distant to try and pinpoint. She reached out, tentative, and came up against a wall so thick it threatened to swallow her. Not just black, not just dark – it had distinct elements of white, of light. Chaos. Kara hadn’t realized that. The power of light represented chaos. Then that meant that darkness was the opposite – order. But order could be far worse than chaos if it got out of hand. Order could destroy just as much.

Dana/Phoenix’s eyes were open, rolled all the way back. What could be seen of the hazel was outlined by molten gold. The whites flared. Chaos. Where does that put Jeremy? What does that mean if the two of them are. . .

Something nudged the very back of her brain, something ancient and silent; something deeply primal.

Dana lowered her head and Kara saw her eyes.

Oh my gods. No.

“Yes,” whispered the Unicorn.

The world spun and fell backwards.

***


Jeremy howled and pitched forward. Sprawled face-down on the floor, he gritted his teeth and slammed his fists down.

“That wasn’t fair and you know it! You ought to know by now! I’ll find you anyway! I’ll find you no matter what, Dana!”

If she lets you, the Shadow smirked in his head.

Jeremy’s eyes crystallized. “Shut. The. Fuck. Up.”

Make me.

The scream shattered windows. Ice formed on the side of the building and broke apart as the echoes died.

Panting, his nose bleeding, Jeremy staggered to the nearest broken window and raised shaking hands. Glass reformed in the frame. He peered out from it, at the isolated world. No one had heard. No one cared anymore. Except her.

***


Thomas spent the first few paragraphs standing behind his brother, reading with a growing pallor. Then, as his knees shook, he grabbed a chair and leaned toward the screen. His gut twisted. “It’s funny,” he said hoarsely at one point. “You’d think the worst horrors are the ones that seem so unreal. The supernatural ones. The stuff no one needs to believe in.”

“It’s sick,” Ian agreed weakly. “It’s old. It’s so common that it’s overlooked. I didn’t even think.”

“Of course not. We were too busy trying to look for what was there that we didn’t even notice what was obvious. And he knows that.” Tom slammed his palm onto the table. “Fucking hell, he’s playing with us.”

“Maybe not,” Ian said, breathlessly, trying to talk past his fear. “He’s broken, remember? He might not have rationalized it on that level yet. Most psychotic stalkers only think about getting their target. They don’t think about who they’re becoming or what they’re doing. That’s why they’ve always been so dangerous. They don’t see themselves anymore. They don’t see anything. And then they can’t see anything.”

“So,” Tom murmured. “We can’t look at this like some cosmic war anymore.”

“No, it is a war,” said Ian. “But that’s just become. . .a side effect, I guess. All that power has to go somewhere. It leaks. The obsession is taking on other forms. He’s finding other ways to get to her. Like, the whole of reality.”

Tom cursed again. “Why couldn’t he have just been trying to destroy humanity? It would have been easier.”

Ian tried to laugh. His voice was dry.