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Sep. 21st, 2002 04:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightrosefoxSitting here bored fuckless waiting for Adam to call or come home or something and get his damn clothes that neither of us can ever seem to find -- oh wait, they're in the laundry.
Just finished watching "Hackers". Love the soundtrack. Angelina Jolie's still hot.
Basically no motivation to even begin writing. Where the fuck did all my muses go? Oh right-- I graduated college, moved away from New York, and the one person I pretty much wrote the novel for is too busy to call or email me anymore. Yes, Tish, I still love you, but Jesus mother fucking Christ, nobody is that preoccupied to even grace a thought to the person who was their best friend for two and a half fucking years.
What else? Oh yes, I guess distance really does make the heart grow fonder, because I don't remember a single time in recent months when one of us has walked in the door and the other has pounced on us like we haven't seen each other in a month. It's one thing to say, "You look so hot right now that all I want to do is rip your clothes off and fuck you." It's another thing to actually do it.
Am I not-pounceable? Am I just so goddam-Christ that fragile? Doesn't ANYBODY think I'm stronger than I look?
Look, I love all my friends more than anything and I always will. I will never, never, never turn anyway from a friend. I will not leave my boyfriend just because I want him to be more playful than he thinks I can be. I will talk it out, like I always have. I am not some fucking midget people can just bump into and say "Oh hi cutie, didn't see you there." Oh, and I don't appreciate being called Midget, Shortie, Mollusc, or any other cute degrading nickname. I don't appreciate being treated like a china doll. I don't appreciate it when I'm told, "Oh, you hit your head? Is it bleeding? No? Then you're fine. I'll see you tomorrow." Is it too much to say, "Oh, sorry, sweetie, I hope you feel better and I'm glad you're not bleeding"?
It is one thing to desensitize yourself to things. It is another to do it when it's not necessary.
I want someone who isn't a drunken stranger to look at me and not be able to look away. I want someone to see me as something other than a mini-human.
I don't know what the fuck I want.
Sorry for the rant. I have a migraine. I'll just go take some Aleve and maybe it will go away.
Oh, and I know people will read this, look at me, and say "You have to understand, this is how we are. It doesn't mean we don't love you and appreciate you, it just means that we have different ways of expressing it."
Yeah, I've heard it before. Know why I never get into arguments with friends? Because I can play out the dialogue in my head. I know what will be said. I know that whatever I say, I'll lose. I also know that I should quit complaining, whining and nagging. And I should lern to drive.
Yeah. I know all of it.
I also hate ergonomic keyboards.
Just finished watching "Hackers". Love the soundtrack. Angelina Jolie's still hot.
Basically no motivation to even begin writing. Where the fuck did all my muses go? Oh right-- I graduated college, moved away from New York, and the one person I pretty much wrote the novel for is too busy to call or email me anymore. Yes, Tish, I still love you, but Jesus mother fucking Christ, nobody is that preoccupied to even grace a thought to the person who was their best friend for two and a half fucking years.
What else? Oh yes, I guess distance really does make the heart grow fonder, because I don't remember a single time in recent months when one of us has walked in the door and the other has pounced on us like we haven't seen each other in a month. It's one thing to say, "You look so hot right now that all I want to do is rip your clothes off and fuck you." It's another thing to actually do it.
Am I not-pounceable? Am I just so goddam-Christ that fragile? Doesn't ANYBODY think I'm stronger than I look?
Look, I love all my friends more than anything and I always will. I will never, never, never turn anyway from a friend. I will not leave my boyfriend just because I want him to be more playful than he thinks I can be. I will talk it out, like I always have. I am not some fucking midget people can just bump into and say "Oh hi cutie, didn't see you there." Oh, and I don't appreciate being called Midget, Shortie, Mollusc, or any other cute degrading nickname. I don't appreciate being treated like a china doll. I don't appreciate it when I'm told, "Oh, you hit your head? Is it bleeding? No? Then you're fine. I'll see you tomorrow." Is it too much to say, "Oh, sorry, sweetie, I hope you feel better and I'm glad you're not bleeding"?
It is one thing to desensitize yourself to things. It is another to do it when it's not necessary.
I want someone who isn't a drunken stranger to look at me and not be able to look away. I want someone to see me as something other than a mini-human.
I don't know what the fuck I want.
Sorry for the rant. I have a migraine. I'll just go take some Aleve and maybe it will go away.
Oh, and I know people will read this, look at me, and say "You have to understand, this is how we are. It doesn't mean we don't love you and appreciate you, it just means that we have different ways of expressing it."
Yeah, I've heard it before. Know why I never get into arguments with friends? Because I can play out the dialogue in my head. I know what will be said. I know that whatever I say, I'll lose. I also know that I should quit complaining, whining and nagging. And I should lern to drive.
Yeah. I know all of it.
I also hate ergonomic keyboards.