I hate when I do that...

[brightrosefox]

Stick my foot so far in my mouth that I choke. Let's see...sharp blade, sharp blade .... ah, hell with it, I'll just take a long nap when I get home. Upsetting people makes me hate myself and cut myself to ribbons, because naturally I believe that nothing I do or say is ever the right thing, and that I've lost whatever happiness I thought I had. There is only one thing I have faith in: People. Friends. Family. The day I lose faith and loyalty in anyone is the day I will allow Siren to overcome me, the day I will take my own life and be glad of it. I may seem weak, small, timid, shy, anxious, foolish, clumsy, and scared, but I know where I stand. I love my life. I love my friends. I love myself. But I will not hesitate to let life and friends whip and bleed me if it means teaching me a lesson. I need to be taught many lessons about life, because I have never been a social animal. I say wrong things, people take them my words out of context, and I find myself gnawing my own leg to free myself from my own trap.
I hate that. I do. I wish I would never open my mouth. But I do. We all do. Shit pours out. Doesn't mean it's true. Just means that, well fuck, I need to talk, I need a shoulder. But yes, I will allow people to turn me away and slam the door in my face when I deserve it. They have every right.
Wow. I really don't like myself most days do I? Sigh.