The Return To Innocence

So, I'm not going to fully describe the four distinct simple partial seizures, the Raynaud's flare, the lumbar and sciatic spasms that literally crippled me and put me on the floor writhing, the chondromalacia patella flare that was just purely evil, the spastic hemiplegic flare that left my entire left side feeling ghost-like, the fibromyalgia burning that I compared to nerves hooked on heated barbed wire and connective tissues touching a bonfire - skin included - the sinus and jaw pain caused by my generally being irritated, the depression, the twitching anxiety.
Details are pointless. But since I am a disability advocate, I will leave this open for questions and stories and understandings and commiserations and complaints, since a huge percentage of my Friends List is disabled in some way.

My female cats are taking turns jumping on my lap and nuzzling me, occasionally preventing me from getting up. Obviously I could remove the cats from my lap at will, but I don't want to, and also they kind of dig in because they really want to hang out. Fine by me.

Although, if anyone actually wants details, please ask. You never know.

So, hey.
I just realized that I'm not flaring or in much pain today. It feels weird.
The only pain is in my knees, which is probably indicating that it will rain soon.
But, yeah.
It's nice. Weird, but nice.

So, hey.
I just realized that I'm not flaring or in much pain today. It feels weird.
The only pain is in my knees, which is probably indicating that it will rain soon.
But, yeah.
It's nice. Weird, but nice.

I got some words of sympathy from some coworkers who had noticed how badly I'd been limping, and I even got to share a joke with one about my Dancing With The Stars dream being over. Haze of painkillers and pain that kept breaking through, and I surprised myself by still being mentally sharp and able to breeze through the day, and before I knew it five-thirty had arrived and I hobbled to the elevator gratefully. Knowing that someone understood how I was hurting made me feel comforted.

Adam won't be home from New York until well after midnight. We hope he will have the weekend off.

I am going to work on my novel, take a bunch of supplements, play with my cats, drink a smoothie, watch "Lost," and go to bed early. I hurt too much to do much else.

Links to think about:
The Troubling Allure Of Eating Disorder Books.
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/05/11/the-troubling-allure-of-eating-disorder-books/
Enlightment Therapy.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/26/magazine/26zen-t.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=zen%20psychotherapy&st=cse
Are You Killing The Apostrophe?
http://encarta.msn.com/encnet/Features/Columns/?article=ApostropheCatastrophe>1=27004
Are Me and Him Ruining the Movies?
http://encarta.msn.com/encnet/Features/Columns/?article=RuiningMovies
Do You Feel 'Bad' or 'Badly'?
http://encarta.msn.com/encnet/features/columns/?article=BadOrBadly
Errors That Aren't: 12 Grammar Rules You Can Toss Out the Window.
http://encarta.msn.com/encnet/Features/Columns/?article=ErrorsThatArent
Neil Gaiman Says That George RR Martin Is Not Your Bitch.
http://journal.neilgaiman.com/2009/05/entitlement-issues.html

Not any better. In fact, sort of worse. I had to stay home just to get rest and stretch my right leg and tend to the knee. I couldn't get out of bed without stumbling until eleven or so. My right leg refused to hold me up. I called work and explained in voicemails what was wrong and I gave them my home phone number so they could reach me if they need anything from me. I've put on the best knee brace I have and I'm taking it easy and wearing the flattest shoes I own, which thankfully, are Aerosoles and were probably made specifically for the comfort of a person with a screwed-up knee.
I didn't want to stay home, obviously, but I knew that if I'd gone in, my knee would have gotten worse and I would have needed to go home anyway.
At this point I can just exercise carefully, treat my knee delicately, and not overdo anything. When I back to work tomorrow, I'll be wearing the brace.

I hate this.

Oh, well.

I will just keep going.

Especially if I could get one of these:
http://www.physorg.com/news161257258.html

Not any better. In fact, sort of worse. I had to stay home just to get rest and stretch my right leg and tend to the knee. I couldn't get out of bed without stumbling until eleven or so. My right leg refused to hold me up. I called work and explained in voicemails what was wrong and I gave them my home phone number so they could reach me if they need anything from me. I've put on the best knee brace I have and I'm taking it easy and wearing the flattest shoes I own, which thankfully, are Aerosoles and were probably made specifically for the comfort of a person with a screwed-up knee.
I didn't want to stay home, obviously, but I knew that if I'd gone in, my knee would have gotten worse and I would have needed to go home anyway.
At this point I can just exercise carefully, treat my knee delicately, and not overdo anything. When I back to work tomorrow, I'll be wearing the brace.

I hate this.

Oh, well.

I will just keep going.

Especially if I could get one of these:
http://www.physorg.com/news161257258.html

Dear Buddha,
Please bring me a pony and a plastic rocket.
And a new right knee.
Thank you.
Love, Jo.

Putting ice on it for half an hour helped, though. It stopped acting like it was being stabbed constantly
I think when I get home I shall massage the bloody hell out of both my knees with all the creams and salves I have.

Adam suggests going to a local medical supply store and buying a special knee brace, and having it personally fitted for my knee. He's wary of my purchasing one online.

What I find ironic -- or maybe not -- is that it's my right leg that has so many problems, when it's my left that is affected by cerebral palsy.
Then again, the poor right leg has been forced to overcompensate for all these years.
Hell.