The Return To Innocence

So, this Saturday's MLP FIM was a fantastic, perfect example of different types of learning, specifically when working with mental, neurological, and learning disabilities. My love of Rainbow Dash has increased a bit! She's more humble, less egocentric, and more inclusive.
And it reminded me of the ways I learn well.
I tend to learn best when I have more than one thing happening, like Rainbow. I prefer books and lessons like Twilight, and I love musicals like Pinkie... but my method of learning is peripheral absorption. I could have stopped researching holism in relation to neuroscience years ago. I kept going because a new thought, question, or concern forms in my mind, I rush to look it up, and by doing that I drag other bits of information into the edges of my processing.
This is also how it can be easy to lose information into the depths of brain fog, seizure activity, memory problems, and mental fatigue. I can fixate on specific subjects out of desperation, and once the symptoms of information degradation has passed, I can call up the tidbits I saved and re-learn them.
This is also part of why some of my friends hate the show Futurama. They are so irritated that they lash out. I cannot explain very well that the program is a very specific kind of background comfort. I've been told, "You can recall all this dialogue from Futurama. That means you don't have memory problems. You just need to turn that focus on to important and smarter things, because Futurama is stupid." What they don't realize is that I use Google search for most of my quote-backs. And this is where being autistic comes into play, of course. Special Interests, specific focuses, comforts. I could easily do the same with MLP, but it is still new. I could and would repeat every since episode over and over. I could do that with other series, like Archer. Adventure Time. The Tomorrow People. Lost Girl. The Big Bang Theory. The Simpsons. American Dad.

MLP FIM is a huge part of my special Interests, specific focuses, comforts.
"Testing Testing 1 2 3" is my new favorite episode. I hope schools wind up applying it to help learning disabled students.

http://naamah-darling.livejournal.com/623299.html
Seriously, you guys. Seriously. *points* This woman. This woman is awesome. She is AMAZING. All her custom ponies are amazing; they are fantastic, they are extraordinary.
But I think she and I can both say with total confident honesty that Serenity is the best. (Okay, the best so far. But still.) And Serenity belongs to ME, because this woman made her JUST FOR ME. As a special gift.
And she knew she was doing it even before I told her I was considering requesting a custom since they are pricey and I wanted to save up money. And there she was smirking and giggling smugly because I had no idea, and then I got Serenity in the mail and I cried and sobbed so hard because the happiness and joy was overwhelming.
And now Serenity is literally imbued with my magic, and I love her more than any toy I have received in my adult life...
And seriously, people, you should seriously consider Namaah's ponies. She is absolutely incredible.
But Serenity is still the best. Truth. *nods*
https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10151406320840684.1073741827.640545683&type=1

And still, whenever I feel anxious and upset and depressed, I just touch the lotus bud symbol on her forehead, and I actually honestly feel better.

Edited to add:

Serenity the pony called to me, so decided to take a photo to show how much I adore her.

I have not loved a toy so much since I was a teenager. I cannot thank naamah_darling enough for creating and naming this pony just for me. This may be one of the most perfect toy gifts I have gotten in my adult life.

Serenity has been charged and imbued with as much personal magic energies as I could give her. She is now a method of helping me work with physical, emotional, and psychic self stimming in a weird way.
I talk to her during episodes of anxiety and depression; I kiss the lotus bud blaze on her forehead when I say goodnight. I brush her hair with wood combs and boar brushes. It relaxes me.

She soothes my brain and centers my mind in ways I cannot explain. She is a toy, custom made... but she is special beyond description.





It doesn't matter how old or young you are. There will always be some sort of toy or physical object that represents something important, something life-like or abstract or surreal, that you bond to deeply.

http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Magical_Mystery_Cure#WikiaArticleComments

Oh my various gods. I am actually reading - and loving - a massive philosophical debate regarding My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic. But, I must highlight this fascinating comment. Also, I have learned that this season finale is just Part One of a trilogy, which might mean that the status quo will return or things will just get interesting from now on. Also, this comment is kind of awesome and I wanted to discuss it - oh my gods, is this turning me into more of a Brony, or does it just mean I like philosophy in everything? Probably the latter.
Also, screw spoilers. I was late to the party, and anyway the secret has been out for a while.

***
Ack, you're getting too philosophical! Again, while I'm not necessarily saying you're wrong, you have to remember what the canon is -- a (sometimes overly) straight-forward and light-hearted cartoon that little kids watch; yes, a cleverly written show with an adult audience both admiring and often with insatiable standards...but again, little kids watch this: they aren't going to get into complex areas of logic and reason.

Their are no "maybes" or "most likely" with this - the cutie-mark represents, not just your special talent and what you are naturally gifted in, but essentially your future - and not just your future, get over it, but your happiness...your 'true self', what makes you special, the road and life that will make you happy; it's why their is so much simplicity and eagerness for foals to find their cutie-marks because they don't have to necessarily think about themselves and their future in the broad way humans do...it's just a matter of figuring out what they are good at (hence, the CMC trying all sorts of ridiculous things to make things interesting and funny) i.e. what their special talent is, which doubles in what makes them happy and fulfills which also parallels in being their destiny and what they are meant for in life i.e. what will make them happy like no other.

The whole thing is unbelievably simple and straightforward, and that's the point of the canon; it's how it works...everything we are thinking of are genuine wonderful questions because they are normally complex abstract philosophical discussions, but as before, this is a children's cartoon....they are not going to go off the wall:

1) Foals don't have to think too hard about their future - not like humans do...it's just a matter of figuring out what they are particularly good at, narrowing down what their 'special talent' is which...

2) Will appear on their flank as a "cutie-mark" when they realize this; which doubles as the realization of their life's calling and what they are "meant" to do which will bring them a happiness and fulfillment like no other...something called "destiny".

3) They wouldn't get a cutie-mark for anything other then something they were 'meant' to do - meant to in the sense of being something they were genuinely good at ('special talent') and exceptional, and fits with their personality, and also in the sense of being an indication of what they are meant to do in life that will bring them a happiness and fulfillment like no other...a state of being that is truer and more representative of themselves like nothing else -- hence, their "true selves".

4) Hence the extreme importance of finding out what their cutie-marks are for, and why things are so awkward and difficult for foals and why "Blank Flank" is such a stigma...ponies can't make a life for themselves that is happy and fulfilling doing anything else -- someone with a bread-making cutie-mark can't start making fruit and expect to be happy, or live a life that's as happy (or happy at all)...they will inevitably and continuously be miserable forever and ever because they are not doing what they are meant to do i.e. what they are naturally and exceptionally good at i.e. what fits best with their personality and character i.e....they are ignoring their 'true selves'.

This, my friends, is why none of the Mane 5 questioned anything when the cutie-marks were reversed...you have to understand just how dependent they are on cutie-marks - everything is unbelievably simplified in their world, and also has it's drawbacks....because even though they realized they were not good at what they are doing, they refused to even try to think about doing anything else, and nobody else tried to help them, simply because this was their cutie-mark -- of course Rainbow Dash must take care of animals, because it's her destiny, it's what she is meant to do and must be what she's good at, it must fit with her personality, her special talent and what makes her happy like nothing else will....because she wouldn't get a cutie-mark for anything else if none of that were the case.

Ergo, despite being unhappy, despite being unsuccessful....nobody helped the Mane 5 and nobody else bothered to help them in this time-warp episode because, well, "it's got to be my destiny....and it's what my cutie-mark is telling me!"

This is also why Twilight, who by the way, behaved quite appropriately actually for the situation and even asked about books, didn't ask too many questions nor did anyone else...because again, the comfort of knowing this is what she was meant to do all along, what she is good at, what her cutie-mark must have always meant...this is a time for celebration, not a time for asking longevity questions!

Destiny is always a comforting simple and explicitly good thing in their world, no.questions.asked.
***

Also, as I have just learned: Lauren Faust, the creator herself, said that while Twilight Sparkle becoming an alicorn was not what she had planned, she no longer works on the show and won't undermine what the writers and showrunners are currently doing. Also, Tara Strong joked "Everypony relax, Twilight is not leaving her friends, however the voice acting will be taken over by Morgan Freeman."
The point is, the status quo won't actually change; it will just mean that a princess alicorn will be living in Ponyville library while still hanging out with her friends. Hell, if I became some respected celebrity, I wouldn't leave my friends either; although I might buy a bigger house.

On gently defending being a mature, intelligent, intellectual, grown-up adult fan of "My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic" (via LJ comments on a post describing how a group of male "bronies" at a brony convention were being asshole douchebags to non-fans):

My friends call me a "brony" because I watch the current show (repeatedly) and I own two of the current pony dolls (plus a few 1980s and 1990s pony dolls for nostalgia). But I can't see myself going to a convention; no amount of benzodiazepine drugs could help me feel relaxed enough. Conventions are wonderful wonderful things, especially with how they bring people together. But the one time I went to a small convention, I found myself hiding near restrooms for hours, freaking out over the noise and the crowds. I wish i could say I love going to conventions. I can't. I have nightmares about them.
I have a few close friends who quietly express their joy with me, and we rarely do it outside of our personal gatherings.
I've not yet met any "brony" who was horrid to "non-brony" fands, and I hope I don't.
This sort of creepy thing makes me want to cover myself in a heavy black cloak and hide. Like, "I am in no way associated with this! Leave me out of it! I want to watch my cute cartoons in peace! And when I eat Cheetos I'm usually watching Futurama anyway! If I'm watching My Little Pony I'm usually eating cake! Or salad! Or ice cream!"
(Should I mention that my friend B. and I call each other "Pinkie Pie" (her) and "Fluttershy" or "Twilight Sparkle" (me) in private? Seriously, though screw those conventions.)
Whenever I have a depressive episode or an anxiety attack, I actually go to YouTube and pull up that "Smile Smile Smile" video with Pinkie Pie because it really does make me smile. I tend to quote Fluttershy and Twilight often. My friend B. and I have inside jokes about that "house-sitting for Harry the bear" scene in the "Party Of One" episode. But deeper fandom is so intense and often so frightening that I stay far away. The most I do is read a few fanfiction stories if they're written well (like one where Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle fell in love with each other and the other characters wildly encouraged them and hijinks ensued). I enjoy the silly, weird, cute, "Dude, it's just a cartoon, lighten up" bits. But I stay far away from deeper fandom, because I have found that the deep dark parts of the brony fandom are full of fucked-up, scary, creepy cave-dwellers who pay lip-service to the whole "Love and Tolerate the shit out of people" thing.
I am a fan. But I am in the shallow end of the fandom. Whenever someone on Facebook tags me in a post about the cartoon and calls me Brony, I usually hide it from my public Timeline thingy mostly because it takes up space. I don't care if people call me "brony" and I do find it cute. I like staying in the shallow ends of the brony fandom. But with the way some parts of the fandom is acting up these days, I'm starting to get embarrassed, and I know other fans are as well.

And a comment by another person:
"There is something badly, deeply wrong when the fandom for a show aimed at the female, school aged demographic is inherently hostile to women."

All of this makes me facepalm and headdesk simultaneously and cry, "It's a cartoon show about talking ponies, you tantrum-throwing glass-headed wallabies! Quit taking it so seriously. And wear some deodorant!"

And that is all I want to say about that. I love this cartoon show. I love laughing about it, I love making fun and dancing around and being ridiculous and singing about the characters. I never, ever considered the idea that other fans of the gods damned cartoon show would be such giant empty-headed pricks. I really am embarrassed.

I am going to play this repeatedly until I am no longer insane. Or until I am a different kind of insane. Either way, I am going to SMILE DAMN IT.

Just me and my Little Pony. I am adorkable.
Seriously, though, Lotus Star helps me stay calm. I charged her with a personal witchcrafty quantum magic meditation ritual thingy. Every time I hold her, comb her, or even look at her, I allow my amygdala to slowly reset itself to calm and peace, no matter how temporary. That's all I need sometimes. Everything is fleeting yet lovely.
(I also did the same to my Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle dolls, but since this G3 doll is so different, I gave it different properties. Fluttershy helps me sleep; Twilight Sparkle helps me dream. It works out well.)
I'm going to make sure I have fantastic dreams tonight.



http://www.aquantummoment.com/qenergy/

My mother's advice was to find something to laugh at every day. I believe I have achieved that.

Years ago, I decided to not read any more fanfiction because I had no time or brain room for it. But now I find myself reading recommended fanfic in the My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic fandom, and some of them are actually fantastic.
My favorite so far is and probably will be Once Bitten, Twice Shy which is probably the most hilarious, hysterical, adorable, heartwarming, sweetest piece of fanfiction I have ever read. I seriously believe it could be an episode of the actual TV show. Even though some parents would object at the whole "two female characters fall in love" thing. Because people are ridiculous.
I made the mistake of reading the comments, and people actually complained that the characters didn't wonder why the main couple fell in love. Which is odd, seeing as how sexuality itself is rarely explored in the series. One moment, fans complain about two characters in a love-centered episode being a "stereotypical straight couple, because what if the female wanted a female partner?" and the next minute they complain that "why didn't anyone question these two same sex characters about their attraction to each other?" This is why I stay out of the deeper circles of fandom in general. Fans be insane.

Forget all that. The story is fantastically funny and beautifully adorable, and everyone stays in character, and aside from a few general editing nitpicks, I love it very much. Also I relate to it in very personal ways, because I really am just like the two characters who fall in love. I would do everything in each situation. Which makes it even funnier to me. It takes me back to my dating days with my husband, when I was an awkward, squeaky, trembling little creature who had no idea what to do, until I worked up the courage to offer the first holding of hands, the first kiss, even the first declaration of love. I knew exactly what I wanted and my heart did have wings. Erect wings. Yes. Heh. Still shy and blushing and uncertain, but also very certain of my heart. It's a powerful thing, certainty of the heart.

Find something to laugh at every day. It helps.

"Then make it more interesting," Pinkie casually suggested, thinking the solution should have been obvious. Then again, 'if reality sucks, make it more interesting' was pretty much Pinkie Pie's entire life's motto.

My mother's advice was to find something to laugh at every day. I believe I have achieved that.

Years ago, I decided to not read any more fanfiction because I had no time or brain room for it. But now I find myself reading recommended fanfic in the My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic fandom, and some of them are actually fantastic.
My favorite so far is and probably will be Once Bitten, Twice Shy which is probably the most hilarious, hysterical, adorable, heartwarming, sweetest piece of fanfiction I have ever read. I seriously believe it could be an episode of the actual TV show. Even though some parents would object at the whole "two female characters fall in love" thing. Because people are ridiculous.
I made the mistake of reading the comments, and people actually complained that the characters didn't wonder why the main couple fell in love. Which is odd, seeing as how sexuality itself is rarely explored in the series. One moment, fans complain about two characters in a love-centered episode being a "stereotypical straight couple, because what if the female wanted a female partner?" and the next minute they complain that "why didn't anyone question these two same sex characters about their attraction to each other?" This is why I stay out of the deeper circles of fandom in general. Fans be insane.

Forget all that. The story is fantastically funny and beautifully adorable, and everyone stays in character, and aside from a few general editing nitpicks, I love it very much. Also I relate to it in very personal ways, because I really am just like the two characters who fall in love. I would do everything in each situation. Which makes it even funnier to me. It takes me back to my dating days with my husband, when I was an awkward, squeaky, trembling little creature who had no idea what to do, until I worked up the courage to offer the first holding of hands, the first kiss, even the first declaration of love. I knew exactly what I wanted and my heart did have wings. Erect wings. Yes. Heh. Still shy and blushing and uncertain, but also very certain of my heart. It's a powerful thing, certainty of the heart.

Find something to laugh at every day. It helps.

"Then make it more interesting," Pinkie casually suggested, thinking the solution should have been obvious. Then again, 'if reality sucks, make it more interesting' was pretty much Pinkie Pie's entire life's motto.

Very sudden nearly brain-breaking realization:
In 'This Is Spinal Tap', Christopher Guest played Nigel Tufnel, who coined the infamous quote "These go to eleven!" which has spawned countless parodies and satires. In 'The Princess Bride", Christopher Guest played Count Rugen, who had six fingers on his right hand, which made all his fingers... go up to eleven. Also, Rugen keeps edging up the numbers on The Machine, with Humperdinck shoving it up to twenty in the book and fifty in the film, with Rugen yelling "Not to fifty!" or "Not to twenty!"
Somebody please tell me that this was a completely intentional thing, because I have loved 'The Princess Bride' both film and book and 'This is Spinal Tap', since I was a child, and I never, ever, ever made that connection until just right now.

(I hate math, but I have this little OCD thing with numbers where certain numbers mean great things. I with hyperfocus on numbers like a motherfucker, but give me a math problem and watch my brain actually skid completely off its tracks with disastrous explosive screaming death results; it's apparently rather entertaining.)

Speaking of hyperfocus:
tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic
I have decided to read the shit out of that entire page and every little connected page. Every tab, every button, every link. I'm in pain and not at all tired.

Also, I had absolutely no idea about the origins of the My Little Pony "Brony" phenomenon until this helpful video:
http://knowyourmeme.com/videos/13130-my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic

And now I cannot stop playing this:


http://youtu.be/pTPqjKk_xCo


I hear Katy Perry did a similar song. I like this one better.

Very sudden nearly brain-breaking realization:
In 'This Is Spinal Tap', Christopher Guest played Nigel Tufnel, who coined the infamous quote "These go to eleven!" which has spawned countless parodies and satires. In 'The Princess Bride", Christopher Guest played Count Rugen, who had six fingers on his right hand, which made all his fingers... go up to eleven. Also, Rugen keeps edging up the numbers on The Machine, with Humperdinck shoving it up to twenty in the book and fifty in the film, with Rugen yelling "Not to fifty!" or "Not to twenty!"
Somebody please tell me that this was a completely intentional thing, because I have loved 'The Princess Bride' both film and book and 'This is Spinal Tap', since I was a child, and I never, ever, ever made that connection until just right now.

(I hate math, but I have this little OCD thing with numbers where certain numbers mean great things. I with hyperfocus on numbers like a motherfucker, but give me a math problem and watch my brain actually skid completely off its tracks with disastrous explosive screaming death results; it's apparently rather entertaining.)

Speaking of hyperfocus:
tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic
I have decided to read the shit out of that entire page and every little connected page. Every tab, every button, every link. I'm in pain and not at all tired.

Also, I had absolutely no idea about the origins of the My Little Pony "Brony" phenomenon until this helpful video:
http://knowyourmeme.com/videos/13130-my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic

And now I cannot stop playing this:


http://youtu.be/pTPqjKk_xCo


I hear Katy Perry did a similar song. I like this one better.