An old entry revisited
Sep. 10th, 2003 12:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightrosefoxJust because I find some of them amusing...
How To Be A God
1. Be born in unusual circumstances (mother was tree, father was god; father was vase of flowers, mother was sea nymph; mother was mysteriously impregnated by shining light; vomited forth from mouth of universe)
2. Have unusual childhood involving supernatural powers, much to annoyance of family, classmates, and small rodents
3. Live for several thousand years and have large groups of people decide to worship you all because you were playing a trick on another god and accidentally made it rain on a field of dying crops
4. Die a noble, proud, heroic death (get nailed to a tree by pesky humans, hang upside down from a tree for a week while having liver eaten by crows, get splinters from screwing a tree that you thought was a nymph)
5. Come back to life
6. Live for a few more thousand years in form/existence of your choice (ball of light, human, burning bush, turtle)
7. Die again
8. Come back to life--again
9. Realize followers have decided to worship other god/gods because you were out of the loop too long and Mr. White-bearded Killjoy over there inticed your followers with fancy fruit
10. Fade away to the land of small gods and annoy people who don't have any gods. Make them start believing in you. Have them build a temple, and in the process of converting others see them be killed by the followers of the sneaky god who overthrew you because he's a jealous egomaniac and his worshippers don't truly believe in him any more than they believe in a potato--they just like pretending to so they can have an excuse to kill heathens.
11. Get bored, commit suicide, get reincarnated, find more followers. Set up condo in Maui. Pick up lots of hot babes and start calling yourself Bob. Everybody loves Bob.
How To Be A God
1. Be born in unusual circumstances (mother was tree, father was god; father was vase of flowers, mother was sea nymph; mother was mysteriously impregnated by shining light; vomited forth from mouth of universe)
2. Have unusual childhood involving supernatural powers, much to annoyance of family, classmates, and small rodents
3. Live for several thousand years and have large groups of people decide to worship you all because you were playing a trick on another god and accidentally made it rain on a field of dying crops
4. Die a noble, proud, heroic death (get nailed to a tree by pesky humans, hang upside down from a tree for a week while having liver eaten by crows, get splinters from screwing a tree that you thought was a nymph)
5. Come back to life
6. Live for a few more thousand years in form/existence of your choice (ball of light, human, burning bush, turtle)
7. Die again
8. Come back to life--again
9. Realize followers have decided to worship other god/gods because you were out of the loop too long and Mr. White-bearded Killjoy over there inticed your followers with fancy fruit
10. Fade away to the land of small gods and annoy people who don't have any gods. Make them start believing in you. Have them build a temple, and in the process of converting others see them be killed by the followers of the sneaky god who overthrew you because he's a jealous egomaniac and his worshippers don't truly believe in him any more than they believe in a potato--they just like pretending to so they can have an excuse to kill heathens.
11. Get bored, commit suicide, get reincarnated, find more followers. Set up condo in Maui. Pick up lots of hot babes and start calling yourself Bob. Everybody loves Bob.