O trancendance...
Sep. 13th, 2003 12:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightrosefoxSex. Sex is good. I'm still vibrating. I think I touched the soul of the world this morning. My mind was so clear, the oral sex so perfectly done, and I had not a single care but to make this amazing man happy and loving and loved. I was sitting on top, so my head could fall back, and he encouraged me to relax and let go...and when the orgasm hit, it was unlike any sensory experience I have ever had consciously. It was not a rushing explosion of warmth in my loins, it was not a full-body shudder clench. It was flying. It was as if my body belonged to someone else and I was riding the end of the wave. I swayed and swooned and I was lighter than air. Bodiless. Just a soul. Reaching into him, who was reaching into me. It was incredibly...uplifting.
Then I turned around and gave it right back to him.
Emotions mingling, minds merging, bodies humming. Trancendental Illumination Orgasm, to turn a phrase. Phasing out of reality, not knowing exactly where one is, only knowing there is the deepest love any soul can give and return. The physicality of devotion, desire, fascination, experimentation. Fantasy made flesh. Crystal knowledge of the power of the empathic-sexual bond. I am still unsure of which dimension I'm exisiting in. Body in one. Essence in another. "Body wake, body sleep."
We didn't sleep. I can prove it--foreplay to afterglow lasted eight hours.
A while ago, I bought an Igia ElectroSage thing, but we'd forgotten about it till last night/this morning. You put wired pads on a muscle group, crank up stress, strength, and intervals. It contracts and moves and smoothes the muscles for you. Like automatic ab crunches. Hospitals use it for bed-ridden patients who can't exercise. We used it on my legs and on his back. No more knots. A crumbling of pain walls. Oh, sweet freedom. This is my therapy.
Something changed, I think. An even deeper, greater understanding of what this is. Understanding and knowledge that we are true. Realizing what we could really do together.
That's why my novel is so powerfully vital to me. My characters reflect my life, paraphrased. The psychic dreams and visions are mine, or friends'. Words from life. And my two main lovers are not only the hosts of the two most powerful entities in reality--eternal transcendant soul mates--they may have helped to create the maps of the human, animal, and mythical souls.
We are only human, but my link to his soul is more poweful than my life or my death. It goes beyond everything I've ever felt for anyone. And I know we are not the only ones. But our kind of lovers are rare, aren't we...?
Oh, would that everyone knew this feeling. Connected emotions. Sympathetic spirits. Where could we go then? Would it be heaven or hell--or both?
In a week, the autum equinox will come. And, I just realized that it is also the anniversary of the day Adam and I discussed becoming a real couple, albeit long distance. In a month--three days before Samhain, in fact--will be the day we first said "I love you". And a month after that, on Thanksgiving, Adam and I shall have celebrated four years together. Four years. I didn't even have friends for that long. Everyone who knows us, and strangers who see my website, ask when we're getting married. Soon. Does that help? One more year to five, and then we'll see how it will progress. Engagement? Just skip right to a wedding? I'm shrugging, as I always do. What will happen, will happen. Although I did have a dream the other night...a wedding in my subconscious...
It was outdoors, pagan-like. My bridesmaids were Beca, Beth, and Erin. Adam's groomsmen were James, Marc, and Dan. As the bridesmaids began to walk, there was no music--instead, Danny stepped forward and sang the first line of the Brunnen G fight song. Watson and Bane picked it up. Then Adam and the officiary (whom we apparently knew). As the girls slowly walked, they chimed in till my whole Family was singing a stunning a rendition of the Brunnen G song. Then, music started. An instrumental version of the "Princess Bride" theme. I walked between my parents, holding their hands as they held simple bouquets. I was grinning like an idiot, gripping Mom's and Dad's hands to keep from running up there. Adam and I held hands while the officiary explained the significance of those songs for the mostly confused audience. In the dream, he said that the Brunnen G theme was about fighting for love, country, family, home, willingess to die for it. Besides, it would have sounded really cool. The Princess Bride theme was just...our storybook fairy tale love.
The one thing I focused on after I woke up was the officiary saying, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of these two amazing people in holy matrimony, what the hell took you guys so long?"
I woke up when everyone burst out laughing. The fact that the man had said it all in one breath strung together perfectly, with that imperceptible pause before "holy", was impressive. Had he planned that? I wonder who he was and what part he played in our lives. Maybe an old friend.
This doesn't mean that will happen. It would be wonderful if it did, because Lexx is still an underground phenomenon and very few would recognize those chanting notes. And besides, seeing a bunch of prettily dressed people belting it out when you expected Pachelbel's Cannon is just creative.
In any case, I have true confidence and diamond faith now. It's hard to separate something so intwined on a deep soul level. The reason you live the life you are now living, sometimes the reason you sleep at night and wake in the morning. The breath in your lungs. The psychic heartbeat that matches yours. The one thing you would, without question, give your entire being to keep and love for as long as you can. The one person you love most in the only world you know.
Not soul mates. Trancendance. The everything. The anything.
Love.
Then I turned around and gave it right back to him.
Emotions mingling, minds merging, bodies humming. Trancendental Illumination Orgasm, to turn a phrase. Phasing out of reality, not knowing exactly where one is, only knowing there is the deepest love any soul can give and return. The physicality of devotion, desire, fascination, experimentation. Fantasy made flesh. Crystal knowledge of the power of the empathic-sexual bond. I am still unsure of which dimension I'm exisiting in. Body in one. Essence in another. "Body wake, body sleep."
We didn't sleep. I can prove it--foreplay to afterglow lasted eight hours.
A while ago, I bought an Igia ElectroSage thing, but we'd forgotten about it till last night/this morning. You put wired pads on a muscle group, crank up stress, strength, and intervals. It contracts and moves and smoothes the muscles for you. Like automatic ab crunches. Hospitals use it for bed-ridden patients who can't exercise. We used it on my legs and on his back. No more knots. A crumbling of pain walls. Oh, sweet freedom. This is my therapy.
Something changed, I think. An even deeper, greater understanding of what this is. Understanding and knowledge that we are true. Realizing what we could really do together.
That's why my novel is so powerfully vital to me. My characters reflect my life, paraphrased. The psychic dreams and visions are mine, or friends'. Words from life. And my two main lovers are not only the hosts of the two most powerful entities in reality--eternal transcendant soul mates--they may have helped to create the maps of the human, animal, and mythical souls.
We are only human, but my link to his soul is more poweful than my life or my death. It goes beyond everything I've ever felt for anyone. And I know we are not the only ones. But our kind of lovers are rare, aren't we...?
Oh, would that everyone knew this feeling. Connected emotions. Sympathetic spirits. Where could we go then? Would it be heaven or hell--or both?
In a week, the autum equinox will come. And, I just realized that it is also the anniversary of the day Adam and I discussed becoming a real couple, albeit long distance. In a month--three days before Samhain, in fact--will be the day we first said "I love you". And a month after that, on Thanksgiving, Adam and I shall have celebrated four years together. Four years. I didn't even have friends for that long. Everyone who knows us, and strangers who see my website, ask when we're getting married. Soon. Does that help? One more year to five, and then we'll see how it will progress. Engagement? Just skip right to a wedding? I'm shrugging, as I always do. What will happen, will happen. Although I did have a dream the other night...a wedding in my subconscious...
It was outdoors, pagan-like. My bridesmaids were Beca, Beth, and Erin. Adam's groomsmen were James, Marc, and Dan. As the bridesmaids began to walk, there was no music--instead, Danny stepped forward and sang the first line of the Brunnen G fight song. Watson and Bane picked it up. Then Adam and the officiary (whom we apparently knew). As the girls slowly walked, they chimed in till my whole Family was singing a stunning a rendition of the Brunnen G song. Then, music started. An instrumental version of the "Princess Bride" theme. I walked between my parents, holding their hands as they held simple bouquets. I was grinning like an idiot, gripping Mom's and Dad's hands to keep from running up there. Adam and I held hands while the officiary explained the significance of those songs for the mostly confused audience. In the dream, he said that the Brunnen G theme was about fighting for love, country, family, home, willingess to die for it. Besides, it would have sounded really cool. The Princess Bride theme was just...our storybook fairy tale love.
The one thing I focused on after I woke up was the officiary saying, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of these two amazing people in holy matrimony, what the hell took you guys so long?"
I woke up when everyone burst out laughing. The fact that the man had said it all in one breath strung together perfectly, with that imperceptible pause before "holy", was impressive. Had he planned that? I wonder who he was and what part he played in our lives. Maybe an old friend.
This doesn't mean that will happen. It would be wonderful if it did, because Lexx is still an underground phenomenon and very few would recognize those chanting notes. And besides, seeing a bunch of prettily dressed people belting it out when you expected Pachelbel's Cannon is just creative.
In any case, I have true confidence and diamond faith now. It's hard to separate something so intwined on a deep soul level. The reason you live the life you are now living, sometimes the reason you sleep at night and wake in the morning. The breath in your lungs. The psychic heartbeat that matches yours. The one thing you would, without question, give your entire being to keep and love for as long as you can. The one person you love most in the only world you know.
Not soul mates. Trancendance. The everything. The anything.
Love.
