the same deep water as --
Nov. 8th, 2006 10:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightrosefoxI seized on the train this morning. Not visible. I was taking a nap -- I like to sleep as soon as the train pulls away from the Shady Grove station. I automatically wake up before the train gets to Gallery Place; years of Metro travel to the same place will do that. I jolted awake at Metro Center feeling horribly disoriented, body temperature in flux, feeling as though the whole world had broken off from reality. And then I realized that this was one of those "dream seizures."
After a few months of consideration, I have classified my complex partial seizures into three categories whose names are self-explanatory: Terror seizures, which feel as though the universe is crashing down on me and I've lost complete control, with panic and fear and paranoia and psychic chaos. Euphoria seizures, which feel like a drug high and cause all my senses to increase a thousandfold, making me feel ecstatic, overjoyed, and full of wonder if not incredibly confused, as well as slightly manic, wanting to touch and be touched. Dream seizures, a bizarre dulled combination of the two, in which everything feels muted, dull, and disconnected, in which I feel as though I am dreaming a very realistic dream, that the world around me is only a dream.
Out of all of these, the dream seizures takes the longest to recover from. Mostly because I will feel it for hours: The sense that I'm just waking from a long, intense dream. However, the dream seizures are the most "responsive" for me -- I can easily respond and communicate with the world, I have no problems interacting. However, I may seem tired, dizzy, disoriented, distant, lacking emotion, irritated, and slightly confused. I don't like to be touched or make long eye contact. Talking to people is fine, as long as the conversations are not too complex. My thoughts will feel muddled at times and razor sharp at others, but I may not be thinking coherently.
So, here I am, two and a half hours after the episode, feeling my spine tingle and jump and twitch. My boss did not come in; he is out sick. I consider this a good thing for my state of mind. Less direct interaction. This may last for a few more hours.
After a few months of consideration, I have classified my complex partial seizures into three categories whose names are self-explanatory: Terror seizures, which feel as though the universe is crashing down on me and I've lost complete control, with panic and fear and paranoia and psychic chaos. Euphoria seizures, which feel like a drug high and cause all my senses to increase a thousandfold, making me feel ecstatic, overjoyed, and full of wonder if not incredibly confused, as well as slightly manic, wanting to touch and be touched. Dream seizures, a bizarre dulled combination of the two, in which everything feels muted, dull, and disconnected, in which I feel as though I am dreaming a very realistic dream, that the world around me is only a dream.
Out of all of these, the dream seizures takes the longest to recover from. Mostly because I will feel it for hours: The sense that I'm just waking from a long, intense dream. However, the dream seizures are the most "responsive" for me -- I can easily respond and communicate with the world, I have no problems interacting. However, I may seem tired, dizzy, disoriented, distant, lacking emotion, irritated, and slightly confused. I don't like to be touched or make long eye contact. Talking to people is fine, as long as the conversations are not too complex. My thoughts will feel muddled at times and razor sharp at others, but I may not be thinking coherently.
So, here I am, two and a half hours after the episode, feeling my spine tingle and jump and twitch. My boss did not come in; he is out sick. I consider this a good thing for my state of mind. Less direct interaction. This may last for a few more hours.
