the same deep water as --

[brightrosefox]

I seized on the train this morning. Not visible. I was taking a nap -- I like to sleep as soon as the train pulls away from the Shady Grove station. I automatically wake up before the train gets to Gallery Place; years of Metro travel to the same place will do that. I jolted awake at Metro Center feeling horribly disoriented, body temperature in flux, feeling as though the whole world had broken off from reality. And then I realized that this was one of those "dream seizures."
After a few months of consideration, I have classified my complex partial seizures into three categories whose names are self-explanatory: Terror seizures, which feel as though the universe is crashing down on me and I've lost complete control, with panic and fear and paranoia and psychic chaos. Euphoria seizures, which feel like a drug high and cause all my senses to increase a thousandfold, making me feel ecstatic, overjoyed, and full of wonder if not incredibly confused, as well as slightly manic, wanting to touch and be touched. Dream seizures, a bizarre dulled combination of the two, in which everything feels muted, dull, and disconnected, in which I feel as though I am dreaming a very realistic dream, that the world around me is only a dream.
Out of all of these, the dream seizures takes the longest to recover from. Mostly because I will feel it for hours: The sense that I'm just waking from a long, intense dream. However, the dream seizures are the most "responsive" for me -- I can easily respond and communicate with the world, I have no problems interacting. However, I may seem tired, dizzy, disoriented, distant, lacking emotion, irritated, and slightly confused. I don't like to be touched or make long eye contact. Talking to people is fine, as long as the conversations are not too complex. My thoughts will feel muddled at times and razor sharp at others, but I may not be thinking coherently.
So, here I am, two and a half hours after the episode, feeling my spine tingle and jump and twitch. My boss did not come in; he is out sick. I consider this a good thing for my state of mind. Less direct interaction. This may last for a few more hours.

Comments

[ncalrod.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a pretty surreal experience.

I feel sort of like that if I go off my psych meds for a couple of days (never on purpose of course, usually when I run out and have trouble with a refill).

Its like walking around in a dream feeling disconnected and disoriented. Not fun by any stretch of the imagination.

[sidheblessed.livejournal.com]

You know what? I think you learn more about a condition by talking to someone who actualy has it. I've certainly come to a better understanding of the experience of epilsepy through reading your journal.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

Thanks, that's uplifting. I feel the best way to truly understand anything is to talk to the people who know it best -- real people, not doctors.

[breanda19.livejournal.com]

Hi, my name is Brenna and I often see you on the beauty101 group. A few months ago you posted something saying you were going into a stage of treatment and you wouldn't be around for awhile. I hope you are doing well.
I clicked on the link to your page from the beauty101 moderators and I read this entry. I actually have a question for you...
I have no history of epilepsy or abnormal brain activity but these dream seizures you are writing about sound identical to what happens to me. I get them a few times a week and I feel the exact same disconnectedness that you feel. I pinpointed recently that sometimes I feel like my actions have no consequences, not like I would seriously hurt (or hurt at all) myself or others, but I feel as if saying stupid things doesn't matter. I don't say them, but I'm always tempted to just do something totally random.
Does that sound like something that happens to you as well?
I hope these are not seizues, but they are kind of scary to me because they last for so long- recently I had one that went on for almost two days.
Should I speak to my doctor? Or do lost of other people experience this two and just never talk about it? I've mentioned it to friends and my boyfriend and they seem to have no idea what I am talking about.
I hope you are well.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

Yes, that does happen to me... I feel emotionally disconnected, as though I wouldn't care about the consequences of my actions.
I do think you should visit your general physician first; ask him or her to test you for a possible seizure disorder. Then I would make an appointment to see a neurologist. You may take an EEG or MRI. But the tests may not show anything. My EEG never showed any signs of epilepsy, but my MRI showed scarring and damaged tissue in my brain. You don't necessarily need a history of abnormal brain activity or epilepsy, because epilepsy can happen at any time, most of the time with absolutely no discernible cause. You may not have a seizure disorder, but I do feel you should get this checked out.
*hugs you*