Inside

I feel empty. I always knew days like this would happen; it is a writer's life, after all. But it does hurt. I have saved the visuals; I know what the scene is. I know the dialogue and the actions. That does not bother me. It is the loss of words and phrases that hurts deeply. The descriptions and quips and quotes gone all down the drain in one of the book's most pivotal scenes. And I stare at the blank space after Jeremy's schizophrenic meltdown in the abandoned building and I think, "It would have been beautiful once I edited it. The Unicorn and the Phoenix meeting for the first time. The way Kara really sees Dana, the way the Phoenix inside makes her strong and powerful and everything she lacks confidence in. It was beautiful."

I can rewrite it. I will have to. But I need a few more minutes to meditate on the loss. I don't think I've ever been this stunned over losing part of a text file. I cried myself to sleep last night to the lull of herbal sedatives and his heartbeat.

And yes, I know, I should stop whining and remind myself that I am a writer by gift and I'll think of something new...but that will completely negate the entire point of what I just said.

Inside

I feel empty. I always knew days like this would happen; it is a writer's life, after all. But it does hurt. I have saved the visuals; I know what the scene is. I know the dialogue and the actions. That does not bother me. It is the loss of words and phrases that hurts deeply. The descriptions and quips and quotes gone all down the drain in one of the book's most pivotal scenes. And I stare at the blank space after Jeremy's schizophrenic meltdown in the abandoned building and I think, "It would have been beautiful once I edited it. The Unicorn and the Phoenix meeting for the first time. The way Kara really sees Dana, the way the Phoenix inside makes her strong and powerful and everything she lacks confidence in. It was beautiful."

I can rewrite it. I will have to. But I need a few more minutes to meditate on the loss. I don't think I've ever been this stunned over losing part of a text file. I cried myself to sleep last night to the lull of herbal sedatives and his heartbeat.

And yes, I know, I should stop whining and remind myself that I am a writer by gift and I'll think of something new...but that will completely negate the entire point of what I just said.