Inside

[brightrosefox]

I feel empty. I always knew days like this would happen; it is a writer's life, after all. But it does hurt. I have saved the visuals; I know what the scene is. I know the dialogue and the actions. That does not bother me. It is the loss of words and phrases that hurts deeply. The descriptions and quips and quotes gone all down the drain in one of the book's most pivotal scenes. And I stare at the blank space after Jeremy's schizophrenic meltdown in the abandoned building and I think, "It would have been beautiful once I edited it. The Unicorn and the Phoenix meeting for the first time. The way Kara really sees Dana, the way the Phoenix inside makes her strong and powerful and everything she lacks confidence in. It was beautiful."

I can rewrite it. I will have to. But I need a few more minutes to meditate on the loss. I don't think I've ever been this stunned over losing part of a text file. I cried myself to sleep last night to the lull of herbal sedatives and his heartbeat.

And yes, I know, I should stop whining and remind myself that I am a writer by gift and I'll think of something new...but that will completely negate the entire point of what I just said.

Comments

[ronin-lethe.livejournal.com]

no. it is a vital part of yourself that is lost, you have every right to mourn it.
but don't try to think of something new....let them tell you what happens. it will be right. you will wish for the lost part, as you should. you are mother to this story, after all. but it will be right. they will make sure of it.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

You always know the best things to say. You should be just as much writer as I am. You might as well be the aunt if I am the mother.

[ronin-lethe.livejournal.com]

well the aunt part is cool, but as for the rest, i'm more content being a part-time muse *grin*
call if you need to, i should be home from work at, um, 5 30 ish.
love you always...

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

Yay! I have a muse again! That works just fine. :)