Rrrrrrr.

Trileptal. New directions: 300 mg at night, 150 mg in the morning.
Wheee.
The neurologist's receptionist had called me back and said that the doctor wanted me on the second dose immediately, so she is calling it in to the CVS across the street from my work. I said to her, "Does he know I am on my period and that can be a major trigger? Why do I need a sudden increase in dosage?" She actually agreed with me, since the 300 was doing fine with me -- apparently not enough for the doctor. Because, you know, I had one seizure bad enough to warrant it. While, y'know, stressed and on my period. Triggered. Meh. He is the doctor.

So I will be a good patient and follow doctor's orders. I'd rather fix the root of the problem, find out the causes and work on that, not have more drugs, but he is the doctor. It all comes down to the fact that the seizures will happen when they happen, you can't just drug them away completely. But at least the drugs will keep them from happening too frequently. That is the point of the drugs. The drugs are not miracles, however. They won't stop the problem forever. And I don't want to keep going higher so soon -- give me a few months, at least. I do believe the neurologist understands all this (he'd better) and that is why he increased the dose so slowly.

However, part of me wants to say no, part of me god help me actually enjoys the "happy" feeling, when the seizures cause the joy, euphoria, crystal clarity, extreme physical sensitivity, brightness, razor-sharp understanding of the world almost like extrasensory perception, incredible overwhelming light and happiness; the "wow, the world is so bright and wonderful, I love everything" episodes -- but yet these moments are often outweighed by the dark, terrifying, abyss-like extremity of confusion, disorientation, panic, fear, the loss of control, the spinning world, the paralyzed mind; the "holy fuck what is happening where did my brain go oh my god am I dying" episodes.

So, yeah, I suppose it is best that I take more medicine, then.
On the phone, my husband said, "Good girl. Thank you. I love you."
(I love you too, baby, for ever and ever, my rising sun in the dark)
Yes, I will listen to my doctor, he is right, and I do need a higher dose. But I don't have to like it much.
Again, meh.

Rrrrrrr.

Trileptal. New directions: 300 mg at night, 150 mg in the morning.
Wheee.
The neurologist's receptionist had called me back and said that the doctor wanted me on the second dose immediately, so she is calling it in to the CVS across the street from my work. I said to her, "Does he know I am on my period and that can be a major trigger? Why do I need a sudden increase in dosage?" She actually agreed with me, since the 300 was doing fine with me -- apparently not enough for the doctor. Because, you know, I had one seizure bad enough to warrant it. While, y'know, stressed and on my period. Triggered. Meh. He is the doctor.

So I will be a good patient and follow doctor's orders. I'd rather fix the root of the problem, find out the causes and work on that, not have more drugs, but he is the doctor. It all comes down to the fact that the seizures will happen when they happen, you can't just drug them away completely. But at least the drugs will keep them from happening too frequently. That is the point of the drugs. The drugs are not miracles, however. They won't stop the problem forever. And I don't want to keep going higher so soon -- give me a few months, at least. I do believe the neurologist understands all this (he'd better) and that is why he increased the dose so slowly.

However, part of me wants to say no, part of me god help me actually enjoys the "happy" feeling, when the seizures cause the joy, euphoria, crystal clarity, extreme physical sensitivity, brightness, razor-sharp understanding of the world almost like extrasensory perception, incredible overwhelming light and happiness; the "wow, the world is so bright and wonderful, I love everything" episodes -- but yet these moments are often outweighed by the dark, terrifying, abyss-like extremity of confusion, disorientation, panic, fear, the loss of control, the spinning world, the paralyzed mind; the "holy fuck what is happening where did my brain go oh my god am I dying" episodes.

So, yeah, I suppose it is best that I take more medicine, then.
On the phone, my husband said, "Good girl. Thank you. I love you."
(I love you too, baby, for ever and ever, my rising sun in the dark)
Yes, I will listen to my doctor, he is right, and I do need a higher dose. But I don't have to like it much.
Again, meh.

Rrrrrrr.

Trileptal. New directions: 300 mg at night, 150 mg in the morning.
Wheee.
The neurologist's receptionist had called me back and said that the doctor wanted me on the second dose immediately, so she is calling it in to the CVS across the street from my work. I said to her, "Does he know I am on my period and that can be a major trigger? Why do I need a sudden increase in dosage?" She actually agreed with me, since the 300 was doing fine with me -- apparently not enough for the doctor. Because, you know, I had one seizure bad enough to warrant it. While, y'know, stressed and on my period. Triggered. Meh. He is the doctor.

So I will be a good patient and follow doctor's orders. I'd rather fix the root of the problem, find out the causes and work on that, not have more drugs, but he is the doctor. It all comes down to the fact that the seizures will happen when they happen, you can't just drug them away completely. But at least the drugs will keep them from happening too frequently. That is the point of the drugs. The drugs are not miracles, however. They won't stop the problem forever. And I don't want to keep going higher so soon -- give me a few months, at least. I do believe the neurologist understands all this (he'd better) and that is why he increased the dose so slowly.

However, part of me wants to say no, part of me god help me actually enjoys the "happy" feeling, when the seizures cause the joy, euphoria, crystal clarity, extreme physical sensitivity, brightness, razor-sharp understanding of the world almost like extrasensory perception, incredible overwhelming light and happiness; the "wow, the world is so bright and wonderful, I love everything" episodes -- but yet these moments are often outweighed by the dark, terrifying, abyss-like extremity of confusion, disorientation, panic, fear, the loss of control, the spinning world, the paralyzed mind; the "holy fuck what is happening where did my brain go oh my god am I dying" episodes.

So, yeah, I suppose it is best that I take more medicine, then.
On the phone, my husband said, "Good girl. Thank you. I love you."
(I love you too, baby, for ever and ever, my rising sun in the dark)
Yes, I will listen to my doctor, he is right, and I do need a higher dose. But I don't have to like it much.
Again, meh.

Well there you go

Pretty much what happens to me during the euphoria seizures, except I don't go absolutely unconscious.

From Dostoyevsky's The Idiot:
"He remembered that during his epileptic fits, or rather immediately preceding them, he had always experienced a moment or two when his whole heart, and mind, and body seemed to wake up with vigor and light; when he became filled with joy and hope, and all his anxieties seemed to be swept away for ever; these moments were but presentiments, as it were, of the one final second…in which the fit came upon him. That second, of course, was inexpressible.
Next moment something appeared to burst open before him: a wonderful inner light illuminated his soul. This lasted perhaps half a second, yet he distinctly remembered hearing the beginning of a wail, the strange, dreadful wail, which burst from his lips of its own accord, and which no effort of will on his part could suppress. Next moment he was absolutely unconscious; black darkness blotted out everything. He had fallen in an epileptic fit."

Well there you go

Pretty much what happens to me during the euphoria seizures, except I don't go absolutely unconscious.

From Dostoyevsky's The Idiot:
"He remembered that during his epileptic fits, or rather immediately preceding them, he had always experienced a moment or two when his whole heart, and mind, and body seemed to wake up with vigor and light; when he became filled with joy and hope, and all his anxieties seemed to be swept away for ever; these moments were but presentiments, as it were, of the one final second…in which the fit came upon him. That second, of course, was inexpressible.
Next moment something appeared to burst open before him: a wonderful inner light illuminated his soul. This lasted perhaps half a second, yet he distinctly remembered hearing the beginning of a wail, the strange, dreadful wail, which burst from his lips of its own accord, and which no effort of will on his part could suppress. Next moment he was absolutely unconscious; black darkness blotted out everything. He had fallen in an epileptic fit."

Well there you go

Pretty much what happens to me during the euphoria seizures, except I don't go absolutely unconscious.

From Dostoyevsky's The Idiot:
"He remembered that during his epileptic fits, or rather immediately preceding them, he had always experienced a moment or two when his whole heart, and mind, and body seemed to wake up with vigor and light; when he became filled with joy and hope, and all his anxieties seemed to be swept away for ever; these moments were but presentiments, as it were, of the one final second…in which the fit came upon him. That second, of course, was inexpressible.
Next moment something appeared to burst open before him: a wonderful inner light illuminated his soul. This lasted perhaps half a second, yet he distinctly remembered hearing the beginning of a wail, the strange, dreadful wail, which burst from his lips of its own accord, and which no effort of will on his part could suppress. Next moment he was absolutely unconscious; black darkness blotted out everything. He had fallen in an epileptic fit."

Yes, welcome to spring...

My cat is going crazy.
From one end of the living room to the other in point two seconds.
Meowing all the way.
Oh, wait, she found her new favorite toy: One of my Scunci "Large Thick No Damage Elastic" hair ties, broken so it's just string. Drives her adorably nuts. I may be going back to CVS for more if this keeps up.
She is so cute.

Yes, welcome to spring...

My cat is going crazy.
From one end of the living room to the other in point two seconds.
Meowing all the way.
Oh, wait, she found her new favorite toy: One of my Scunci "Large Thick No Damage Elastic" hair ties, broken so it's just string. Drives her adorably nuts. I may be going back to CVS for more if this keeps up.
She is so cute.

Yes, welcome to spring...

My cat is going crazy.
From one end of the living room to the other in point two seconds.
Meowing all the way.
Oh, wait, she found her new favorite toy: One of my Scunci "Large Thick No Damage Elastic" hair ties, broken so it's just string. Drives her adorably nuts. I may be going back to CVS for more if this keeps up.
She is so cute.