unhappy almost "Halloween"

Last night Charlotte came over to help clean. I had been watching Bravo's "100 Scariest Movie Moments." Perhaps I shouldn't have. Charlotte and I talked and laughed, and at some point Adam called and said he was accompanying Lex and Dan to the Interrogation concert. I would have been fine with it except for the way he said it. He was doing it to essentially "baby-sit" his friends and make sure they didn't get themselves in trouble. Chalk it up to PMS and just general irritation on my part, but I exploded to Charlotte and said something about how these guys are in their late twenties and early thirties, and if they needed to be baby-sat in order to keep them out of trouble maybe they didn't deserve to be adults; and if Adam felt the burning need to keep watch maybe he was just as bad. I was more pissed off at Adam for being so flippant and ignoring my requests for him to just come home, since he didn't really want to go with them. He is still over at Lex's. We were supposed to go out and do things today; now I have no desire to do anything. However, I just want my husband home. I realized I have a reason, and it's subconscious, but... this day seven years ago, or rather at midnight last night, we had confessed that we were in love; and I guess in my mind I kind of hold that event special or something. I know he needs to go out with the "guys" and just be a moron to release... but he didn't call me to tell me he'd be staying over at Lex's. I woke up from nightmares at five in the morning, seeing the bed was still empty, and called him just to ask where he was. He sounded as if he just wanted to get me the hell off the phone so I could leave him alone.
Fuck him.

Right now, though, I just blame myself. I'm overreacting. This is bullshit. I don't control my husband. He can do whatever he wants. But last night, all I wanted was to spend time with him, make love with him, fall asleep with him.

I honestly don't mind spending today by myself. I just originally didn't want to, and I thought I had sort of explained that in simple words.

I guess I'm just being a foolish selfish woman.

unhappy almost "Halloween"

Last night Charlotte came over to help clean. I had been watching Bravo's "100 Scariest Movie Moments." Perhaps I shouldn't have. Charlotte and I talked and laughed, and at some point Adam called and said he was accompanying Lex and Dan to the Interrogation concert. I would have been fine with it except for the way he said it. He was doing it to essentially "baby-sit" his friends and make sure they didn't get themselves in trouble. Chalk it up to PMS and just general irritation on my part, but I exploded to Charlotte and said something about how these guys are in their late twenties and early thirties, and if they needed to be baby-sat in order to keep them out of trouble maybe they didn't deserve to be adults; and if Adam felt the burning need to keep watch maybe he was just as bad. I was more pissed off at Adam for being so flippant and ignoring my requests for him to just come home, since he didn't really want to go with them. He is still over at Lex's. We were supposed to go out and do things today; now I have no desire to do anything. However, I just want my husband home. I realized I have a reason, and it's subconscious, but... this day seven years ago, or rather at midnight last night, we had confessed that we were in love; and I guess in my mind I kind of hold that event special or something. I know he needs to go out with the "guys" and just be a moron to release... but he didn't call me to tell me he'd be staying over at Lex's. I woke up from nightmares at five in the morning, seeing the bed was still empty, and called him just to ask where he was. He sounded as if he just wanted to get me the hell off the phone so I could leave him alone.
Fuck him.

Right now, though, I just blame myself. I'm overreacting. This is bullshit. I don't control my husband. He can do whatever he wants. But last night, all I wanted was to spend time with him, make love with him, fall asleep with him.

I honestly don't mind spending today by myself. I just originally didn't want to, and I thought I had sort of explained that in simple words.

I guess I'm just being a foolish selfish woman.

unhappy almost "Halloween"

Last night Charlotte came over to help clean. I had been watching Bravo's "100 Scariest Movie Moments." Perhaps I shouldn't have. Charlotte and I talked and laughed, and at some point Adam called and said he was accompanying Lex and Dan to the Interrogation concert. I would have been fine with it except for the way he said it. He was doing it to essentially "baby-sit" his friends and make sure they didn't get themselves in trouble. Chalk it up to PMS and just general irritation on my part, but I exploded to Charlotte and said something about how these guys are in their late twenties and early thirties, and if they needed to be baby-sat in order to keep them out of trouble maybe they didn't deserve to be adults; and if Adam felt the burning need to keep watch maybe he was just as bad. I was more pissed off at Adam for being so flippant and ignoring my requests for him to just come home, since he didn't really want to go with them. He is still over at Lex's. We were supposed to go out and do things today; now I have no desire to do anything. However, I just want my husband home. I realized I have a reason, and it's subconscious, but... this day seven years ago, or rather at midnight last night, we had confessed that we were in love; and I guess in my mind I kind of hold that event special or something. I know he needs to go out with the "guys" and just be a moron to release... but he didn't call me to tell me he'd be staying over at Lex's. I woke up from nightmares at five in the morning, seeing the bed was still empty, and called him just to ask where he was. He sounded as if he just wanted to get me the hell off the phone so I could leave him alone.
Fuck him.

Right now, though, I just blame myself. I'm overreacting. This is bullshit. I don't control my husband. He can do whatever he wants. But last night, all I wanted was to spend time with him, make love with him, fall asleep with him.

I honestly don't mind spending today by myself. I just originally didn't want to, and I thought I had sort of explained that in simple words.

I guess I'm just being a foolish selfish woman.

Sunshine

It's so sunny and blue outside.
Jason and Bex are upstairs watching "Silent Hill" and "The Hills Have Eyes."
(I'm glad Bex has turned her life around; she has become a very sweet person)
Earlier, they were headed out to Blockbuster's, and invited me along. When they went to get the movies, I went to the Giant, bought canned cat food, Healthy Choice frozen foods on sale, some Entennmen's cakes, a magazine. And I went to Starbucks and got a vanilla latte. I'm eating a Healthy Choice French Bread Pizza. It's fantastic.

Things are fine. Adam and Dan are still out with Lex and that's fine; they're safe and not hurt, and they can stay there all day if they want. I'm very good at entertaining myself. To be honest, I am still surprised when I look at all the friends I have; being a loner for most of one's life can do that.

Sunshine

It's so sunny and blue outside.
Jason and Bex are upstairs watching "Silent Hill" and "The Hills Have Eyes."
(I'm glad Bex has turned her life around; she has become a very sweet person)
Earlier, they were headed out to Blockbuster's, and invited me along. When they went to get the movies, I went to the Giant, bought canned cat food, Healthy Choice frozen foods on sale, some Entennmen's cakes, a magazine. And I went to Starbucks and got a vanilla latte. I'm eating a Healthy Choice French Bread Pizza. It's fantastic.

Things are fine. Adam and Dan are still out with Lex and that's fine; they're safe and not hurt, and they can stay there all day if they want. I'm very good at entertaining myself. To be honest, I am still surprised when I look at all the friends I have; being a loner for most of one's life can do that.

Sunshine

It's so sunny and blue outside.
Jason and Bex are upstairs watching "Silent Hill" and "The Hills Have Eyes."
(I'm glad Bex has turned her life around; she has become a very sweet person)
Earlier, they were headed out to Blockbuster's, and invited me along. When they went to get the movies, I went to the Giant, bought canned cat food, Healthy Choice frozen foods on sale, some Entennmen's cakes, a magazine. And I went to Starbucks and got a vanilla latte. I'm eating a Healthy Choice French Bread Pizza. It's fantastic.

Things are fine. Adam and Dan are still out with Lex and that's fine; they're safe and not hurt, and they can stay there all day if they want. I'm very good at entertaining myself. To be honest, I am still surprised when I look at all the friends I have; being a loner for most of one's life can do that.

On life (including the bad parts)

"Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her: but once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game." - Voltaire

On life (including the bad parts)

"Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her: but once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game." - Voltaire

On life (including the bad parts)

"Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her: but once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game." - Voltaire

all is well

Adam is home; he brought me salad fixings, including avocados. He is making a brisket for dinner. Danny is here too. The house feels better.

all is well

Adam is home; he brought me salad fixings, including avocados. He is making a brisket for dinner. Danny is here too. The house feels better.

all is well

Adam is home; he brought me salad fixings, including avocados. He is making a brisket for dinner. Danny is here too. The house feels better.

complex partial seizure

I'm trying to write this down before I forget; my left hand is still clenching...
Probably around 10:15 or so... I was at my laptop, reading personal accounts from epileptics on the "stories" page of epilepsy.com; I was also watching TV. "The Exorcist" was playing. I started feeling vague, distant, chilled. And then my body jerked backwards, my head whipped forward and down to the left, and my arms flew up and my left hand clenched. I vaguely remember sort of tilting violently off the left arm off my chair, straining my neck. Then I jerked back up and the sensations of numbness, disorientation, extreme cold, and weakness flooded through me. My stomach hurt. I felt the kind of nausea one might get from being in a fast elevator. I was in a fast elevator. The world rushing past. I sat there with my head in my hands, trying to regain my bearings. I wanted to cry. I felt scared. I knew I was shaking. Eventually I got up and took my cup of milk, half empty, and stumbled into the kitchen to spill it out. Jason and Bex were carving pumpkins and Adam was watching. I don't remember if anyone spoke to me. I went back to the living room and curled up on the smaller couch. The movie was still playing; I watched as the priest took the demon from Regan into himself, and threw himself out the window. Regan was sobbing in the corner. I got up, went back to the kitchen, and asked Adam to come into the living room with me. We sat on the couch and I asked him to hold me. He asked if I was okay. I told him I'd had a seizure and I needed someone to just hold me. We stayed like that for a while; he rubbed my back and kissed me. We went into the kitchen and he opened the fridge to show me his tomato jack o'lantern. I was still feeling disoriented, and I was twitching and feeling a tingling, crawling sensation everywhere. Now, I'm tired, and still very cold. Sometimes seizures will screw with my body temperature. My ankles hurt. My stomach hurts. I've been limping. My teeth are chattering. I have a terrible headache. The left side of my neck hurts the most. I want orange juice, but we don't have any. I kind of want bacon, but I don't have the energy to go through the process of taking strips out of the package, putting them on a plate, and putting the plate in the microwave. It seems much too difficult and too extreme. I may ask Adam to do it for me.
Now the TV is showing "The Exorcist II."

complex partial seizure

I'm trying to write this down before I forget; my left hand is still clenching...
Probably around 10:15 or so... I was at my laptop, reading personal accounts from epileptics on the "stories" page of epilepsy.com; I was also watching TV. "The Exorcist" was playing. I started feeling vague, distant, chilled. And then my body jerked backwards, my head whipped forward and down to the left, and my arms flew up and my left hand clenched. I vaguely remember sort of tilting violently off the left arm off my chair, straining my neck. Then I jerked back up and the sensations of numbness, disorientation, extreme cold, and weakness flooded through me. My stomach hurt. I felt the kind of nausea one might get from being in a fast elevator. I was in a fast elevator. The world rushing past. I sat there with my head in my hands, trying to regain my bearings. I wanted to cry. I felt scared. I knew I was shaking. Eventually I got up and took my cup of milk, half empty, and stumbled into the kitchen to spill it out. Jason and Bex were carving pumpkins and Adam was watching. I don't remember if anyone spoke to me. I went back to the living room and curled up on the smaller couch. The movie was still playing; I watched as the priest took the demon from Regan into himself, and threw himself out the window. Regan was sobbing in the corner. I got up, went back to the kitchen, and asked Adam to come into the living room with me. We sat on the couch and I asked him to hold me. He asked if I was okay. I told him I'd had a seizure and I needed someone to just hold me. We stayed like that for a while; he rubbed my back and kissed me. We went into the kitchen and he opened the fridge to show me his tomato jack o'lantern. I was still feeling disoriented, and I was twitching and feeling a tingling, crawling sensation everywhere. Now, I'm tired, and still very cold. Sometimes seizures will screw with my body temperature. My ankles hurt. My stomach hurts. I've been limping. My teeth are chattering. I have a terrible headache. The left side of my neck hurts the most. I want orange juice, but we don't have any. I kind of want bacon, but I don't have the energy to go through the process of taking strips out of the package, putting them on a plate, and putting the plate in the microwave. It seems much too difficult and too extreme. I may ask Adam to do it for me.
Now the TV is showing "The Exorcist II."

complex partial seizure

I'm trying to write this down before I forget; my left hand is still clenching...
Probably around 10:15 or so... I was at my laptop, reading personal accounts from epileptics on the "stories" page of epilepsy.com; I was also watching TV. "The Exorcist" was playing. I started feeling vague, distant, chilled. And then my body jerked backwards, my head whipped forward and down to the left, and my arms flew up and my left hand clenched. I vaguely remember sort of tilting violently off the left arm off my chair, straining my neck. Then I jerked back up and the sensations of numbness, disorientation, extreme cold, and weakness flooded through me. My stomach hurt. I felt the kind of nausea one might get from being in a fast elevator. I was in a fast elevator. The world rushing past. I sat there with my head in my hands, trying to regain my bearings. I wanted to cry. I felt scared. I knew I was shaking. Eventually I got up and took my cup of milk, half empty, and stumbled into the kitchen to spill it out. Jason and Bex were carving pumpkins and Adam was watching. I don't remember if anyone spoke to me. I went back to the living room and curled up on the smaller couch. The movie was still playing; I watched as the priest took the demon from Regan into himself, and threw himself out the window. Regan was sobbing in the corner. I got up, went back to the kitchen, and asked Adam to come into the living room with me. We sat on the couch and I asked him to hold me. He asked if I was okay. I told him I'd had a seizure and I needed someone to just hold me. We stayed like that for a while; he rubbed my back and kissed me. We went into the kitchen and he opened the fridge to show me his tomato jack o'lantern. I was still feeling disoriented, and I was twitching and feeling a tingling, crawling sensation everywhere. Now, I'm tired, and still very cold. Sometimes seizures will screw with my body temperature. My ankles hurt. My stomach hurts. I've been limping. My teeth are chattering. I have a terrible headache. The left side of my neck hurts the most. I want orange juice, but we don't have any. I kind of want bacon, but I don't have the energy to go through the process of taking strips out of the package, putting them on a plate, and putting the plate in the microwave. It seems much too difficult and too extreme. I may ask Adam to do it for me.
Now the TV is showing "The Exorcist II."

Well, that makes sense now

Me: Why is it that a bunch of epileptics I talk to in an online community know more about the condition than my doctor seems to?
Adam: Maybe you should ask your doctor for a referral to a specialist.
Me: He is a specialist.
Adam: I mean a doctor who specializes in epilepsy, not just a neurologist.
Me: Oh, yeah! That make sense. I think they're called epileptologists.

Sometimes the obvious is not so obvious to the one asking about it.

Well, that makes sense now

Me: Why is it that a bunch of epileptics I talk to in an online community know more about the condition than my doctor seems to?
Adam: Maybe you should ask your doctor for a referral to a specialist.
Me: He is a specialist.
Adam: I mean a doctor who specializes in epilepsy, not just a neurologist.
Me: Oh, yeah! That make sense. I think they're called epileptologists.

Sometimes the obvious is not so obvious to the one asking about it.

Well, that makes sense now

Me: Why is it that a bunch of epileptics I talk to in an online community know more about the condition than my doctor seems to?
Adam: Maybe you should ask your doctor for a referral to a specialist.
Me: He is a specialist.
Adam: I mean a doctor who specializes in epilepsy, not just a neurologist.
Me: Oh, yeah! That make sense. I think they're called epileptologists.

Sometimes the obvious is not so obvious to the one asking about it.