Pain Diary, and a Music Meme

In pain today. Severely dragging. Aching and twisting and spasming. Fiery pinprick needles in every muscle. It's raining, finally, but that makes it worse. I'm throbbing all over, just one giant bleeding heartbeat.
To make matters a bit worse, something last night triggered those anorexia scars, ripped them right open, and now all I can think about is the fat around my waist. Grar.
I miss my husband.
My kitten curls up against me as tight as she can when I sleep, and sometimes she curls up directly under my chin; I fall asleep to her purring. But kitten is no true substitute for human.
I've been keeping quiet about this, but here you are, journal. I feel that soon I will lose huge parts of myself to the pain and I won't get them back. I'm becoming patchwork. So if you could patch me up, what materials would you use? How would you fix up the parts that don't fit right anymore? Because I don't know how I would.

Music heals me. My cell phone ringtones are two Enya songs and a Deep Forest song and a Sting song.
So now, a meme:
When you think of me, what music comes to mind?

Pain Diary, and a Music Meme

In pain today. Severely dragging. Aching and twisting and spasming. Fiery pinprick needles in every muscle. It's raining, finally, but that makes it worse. I'm throbbing all over, just one giant bleeding heartbeat.
To make matters a bit worse, something last night triggered those anorexia scars, ripped them right open, and now all I can think about is the fat around my waist. Grar.
I miss my husband.
My kitten curls up against me as tight as she can when I sleep, and sometimes she curls up directly under my chin; I fall asleep to her purring. But kitten is no true substitute for human.
I've been keeping quiet about this, but here you are, journal. I feel that soon I will lose huge parts of myself to the pain and I won't get them back. I'm becoming patchwork. So if you could patch me up, what materials would you use? How would you fix up the parts that don't fit right anymore? Because I don't know how I would.

Music heals me. My cell phone ringtones are two Enya songs and a Deep Forest song and a Sting song.
So now, a meme:
When you think of me, what music comes to mind?

Pain Diary, and a Music Meme

In pain today. Severely dragging. Aching and twisting and spasming. Fiery pinprick needles in every muscle. It's raining, finally, but that makes it worse. I'm throbbing all over, just one giant bleeding heartbeat.
To make matters a bit worse, something last night triggered those anorexia scars, ripped them right open, and now all I can think about is the fat around my waist. Grar.
I miss my husband.
My kitten curls up against me as tight as she can when I sleep, and sometimes she curls up directly under my chin; I fall asleep to her purring. But kitten is no true substitute for human.
I've been keeping quiet about this, but here you are, journal. I feel that soon I will lose huge parts of myself to the pain and I won't get them back. I'm becoming patchwork. So if you could patch me up, what materials would you use? How would you fix up the parts that don't fit right anymore? Because I don't know how I would.

Music heals me. My cell phone ringtones are two Enya songs and a Deep Forest song and a Sting song.
So now, a meme:
When you think of me, what music comes to mind?

If you could only see

You know those times when you really just need to hear words that will lift you and get you through and make you smile and remind you that you really are worth so much? Yeah.

Thank, you Beca. I love you. And I will copy your words here, because that way I can tag this entry and look at it and smile when I need the words again.

"you are a role model, not just for recovery from ED, but for strength through chronic, debilitating pain, for self-reliance and self-care, for beauty, for love. i admire you so much."

It is good to know I am a role model.

If you could only see

You know those times when you really just need to hear words that will lift you and get you through and make you smile and remind you that you really are worth so much? Yeah.

Thank, you Beca. I love you. And I will copy your words here, because that way I can tag this entry and look at it and smile when I need the words again.

"you are a role model, not just for recovery from ED, but for strength through chronic, debilitating pain, for self-reliance and self-care, for beauty, for love. i admire you so much."

It is good to know I am a role model.

If you could only see

You know those times when you really just need to hear words that will lift you and get you through and make you smile and remind you that you really are worth so much? Yeah.

Thank, you Beca. I love you. And I will copy your words here, because that way I can tag this entry and look at it and smile when I need the words again.

"you are a role model, not just for recovery from ED, but for strength through chronic, debilitating pain, for self-reliance and self-care, for beauty, for love. i admire you so much."

It is good to know I am a role model.

Thoughts on a touch of scent

I'm getting back into the hobby of aromatherapy. I've noticed that my sense of smell has gotten quirky and oversensitive. I have become much too sensitive to the strong chemical smells in most of the aftershaves and colognes that my husband and roommate use. I find that my nose becomes clogged, my eyes start watering, and my head starts pounding. When Adam was in the body care aisle of the grocery store a couple of weeks ago, he asked me to pick out a deodorant for him. I chose the one with the least fragrance. I stopped wearing perfume months ago, and now only apply lotions that have natural essential oils. Actual flower and plant essences work better for me than synthetics.

Even the plants and flowers can have weird effects. A few days ago, Vicki sent me a bottle of Sun Protective Lotion. At first sniff, all I could smell was exotic tropical beach, and something that always makes me think of commercial suntan lotions. I wasn't sure I liked it. I put it in the bedroom's mini-fridge and left it overnight. The next day, the scent was more pleasing. I still couldn't figure out why I smelled beaches, so I emailed Vicki and asked her what the specific essential oils were. When the list came back, I smacked my forehead and said, "Aha! Balinese Jasmine! That's it!"
Jasmine is one of those weird EOs for me. The effects are profoundly soothing, tranquilizing, sedative, meditative, dreamlike. Yet the scent itself is almost too intense; heady and thick and richly sweet. It's not an oil I am used to. In this lotion, there is also Lotus, which also has a rich, thick, exotic, sweet floral scent, an intense scent. A blend of Jasmine and Lotus together pack this crazy punch in my brain that makes me think of meditating in a tropical place under the blazing sun, as well as having vision quests in the Far East. It sparks something deep and fantastic in my brain, touches on a state of euphoria that is very calm and soft and gentle and flowing. I've rubbed some of the lotion into my hands, having inhaled its scent for the past two hours, and I have noticed that I don't feel the fibro flare's pain as much as before. Like I just took a heavy prescription painkiller. I feel ultimately relaxed and serene and happy. And relatively free of pain. I can smell the other EOs now: Helichrysum and chamomile and lavender, and a touch of cedarwood. All very relaxing scents.
So this is a very good thing after all. A lotion that produces a fragrance that makes my brain think that my body is not in pain.
Maybe eventually, aromatherapy will be used more often in pain management.

Thoughts on a touch of scent

I'm getting back into the hobby of aromatherapy. I've noticed that my sense of smell has gotten quirky and oversensitive. I have become much too sensitive to the strong chemical smells in most of the aftershaves and colognes that my husband and roommate use. I find that my nose becomes clogged, my eyes start watering, and my head starts pounding. When Adam was in the body care aisle of the grocery store a couple of weeks ago, he asked me to pick out a deodorant for him. I chose the one with the least fragrance. I stopped wearing perfume months ago, and now only apply lotions that have natural essential oils. Actual flower and plant essences work better for me than synthetics.

Even the plants and flowers can have weird effects. A few days ago, Vicki sent me a bottle of Sun Protective Lotion. At first sniff, all I could smell was exotic tropical beach, and something that always makes me think of commercial suntan lotions. I wasn't sure I liked it. I put it in the bedroom's mini-fridge and left it overnight. The next day, the scent was more pleasing. I still couldn't figure out why I smelled beaches, so I emailed Vicki and asked her what the specific essential oils were. When the list came back, I smacked my forehead and said, "Aha! Balinese Jasmine! That's it!"
Jasmine is one of those weird EOs for me. The effects are profoundly soothing, tranquilizing, sedative, meditative, dreamlike. Yet the scent itself is almost too intense; heady and thick and richly sweet. It's not an oil I am used to. In this lotion, there is also Lotus, which also has a rich, thick, exotic, sweet floral scent, an intense scent. A blend of Jasmine and Lotus together pack this crazy punch in my brain that makes me think of meditating in a tropical place under the blazing sun, as well as having vision quests in the Far East. It sparks something deep and fantastic in my brain, touches on a state of euphoria that is very calm and soft and gentle and flowing. I've rubbed some of the lotion into my hands, having inhaled its scent for the past two hours, and I have noticed that I don't feel the fibro flare's pain as much as before. Like I just took a heavy prescription painkiller. I feel ultimately relaxed and serene and happy. And relatively free of pain. I can smell the other EOs now: Helichrysum and chamomile and lavender, and a touch of cedarwood. All very relaxing scents.
So this is a very good thing after all. A lotion that produces a fragrance that makes my brain think that my body is not in pain.
Maybe eventually, aromatherapy will be used more often in pain management.

Thoughts on a touch of scent

I'm getting back into the hobby of aromatherapy. I've noticed that my sense of smell has gotten quirky and oversensitive. I have become much too sensitive to the strong chemical smells in most of the aftershaves and colognes that my husband and roommate use. I find that my nose becomes clogged, my eyes start watering, and my head starts pounding. When Adam was in the body care aisle of the grocery store a couple of weeks ago, he asked me to pick out a deodorant for him. I chose the one with the least fragrance. I stopped wearing perfume months ago, and now only apply lotions that have natural essential oils. Actual flower and plant essences work better for me than synthetics.

Even the plants and flowers can have weird effects. A few days ago, Vicki sent me a bottle of Sun Protective Lotion. At first sniff, all I could smell was exotic tropical beach, and something that always makes me think of commercial suntan lotions. I wasn't sure I liked it. I put it in the bedroom's mini-fridge and left it overnight. The next day, the scent was more pleasing. I still couldn't figure out why I smelled beaches, so I emailed Vicki and asked her what the specific essential oils were. When the list came back, I smacked my forehead and said, "Aha! Balinese Jasmine! That's it!"
Jasmine is one of those weird EOs for me. The effects are profoundly soothing, tranquilizing, sedative, meditative, dreamlike. Yet the scent itself is almost too intense; heady and thick and richly sweet. It's not an oil I am used to. In this lotion, there is also Lotus, which also has a rich, thick, exotic, sweet floral scent, an intense scent. A blend of Jasmine and Lotus together pack this crazy punch in my brain that makes me think of meditating in a tropical place under the blazing sun, as well as having vision quests in the Far East. It sparks something deep and fantastic in my brain, touches on a state of euphoria that is very calm and soft and gentle and flowing. I've rubbed some of the lotion into my hands, having inhaled its scent for the past two hours, and I have noticed that I don't feel the fibro flare's pain as much as before. Like I just took a heavy prescription painkiller. I feel ultimately relaxed and serene and happy. And relatively free of pain. I can smell the other EOs now: Helichrysum and chamomile and lavender, and a touch of cedarwood. All very relaxing scents.
So this is a very good thing after all. A lotion that produces a fragrance that makes my brain think that my body is not in pain.
Maybe eventually, aromatherapy will be used more often in pain management.