Love is hard but sweet

Have you ever looked at yourself in a mirror after a physical change like a new hair color and thought, "Yes. This is how I am supposed to be. I am finally my kind of beautiful."?

It feels insanely weird. I feel as though I am in the very back of my mind, staring out of the eyes of someone else. I run my hair through my new "deep neutral brown" hair, called Mocha Java by Redken, and really truly believe in my own beauty. I want to lose an inch or three from my hips and waist, but that's such a common thing. I love that I know my truly proper bra size and that it helps me walk straight, feel confident. I have started wearing brighter stronger colors, in both clothing and cosmetics. I see a sparkle in my eyes even when I feel sick, depressed, chronically pained so badly that I can barely walk straight without a cane. My eyes always shine. I feel like a diamond inside. This is the first time I have felt like that in my adult life. I know, deeply, that there will be dizzying highs and abysmal lows and whirlwinds in between, but I feel that diamond confidence inside me, and it is like a flower finally opening after hiding for a long long time. It is permanent. It is deep inside, and I don't think anyone can touch it except me and my dearest loves. It feels warm and comforting.
I don't know where my goals will take me. But I am not afraid. I just want to be a flower petal on the wind, letting the wind take me. I want to finish my book. I want to finish several short stories. I want to set up a daily exercise routine. I want to maintain that deep, intense sense of joy even when I feel angry and aggravated and upset and callous and desperate to lash out when people try to twist my thoughts.
There have been people who called me a hypochondriac, who have mocked my chronic disorders, who have insisted on telling me how wrong I am about my own body and brain. I am done with it. I have finally stood up and said I have had enough. I am starting to care less and less about what the critics say. I am tired and hardened, and I refuse to react anymore to trolling, to armchair doctoring, to false concern, to mocking and teasing. I know who I am, what I am, how I am, and why I am.

At the moment, I feel like total hell. It is often so hard to distinguish between a fibro flare and an actual infection. Fibromyalgia can cause inflammation of the connective tissues, but so can infections. I will treat this like a sickness. I will drink hot tea with honey. I will drink mangosteen juice. I will take extracts of olive leaf and oregano oil and neem leaf. I will take codeine as I need it for the more excruciating pain, and Soma or Flexeril as I need it for extreme muscle spasms. And I will wait, and I will love myself. That is very important.

Usually, when I become withdrawn, reserved, intensely introverted, and quiet, all I want is to stay inside my head. But lately I have been craving interaction. I hope that might be an indication that I am ready to start leaving my shell behind a little bit, speak my mind more often without fearing criticism, and enjoy life outside my lifetime of glass walls.

Love is hard but sweet

Have you ever looked at yourself in a mirror after a physical change like a new hair color and thought, "Yes. This is how I am supposed to be. I am finally my kind of beautiful."?

It feels insanely weird. I feel as though I am in the very back of my mind, staring out of the eyes of someone else. I run my hair through my new "deep neutral brown" hair, called Mocha Java by Redken, and really truly believe in my own beauty. I want to lose an inch or three from my hips and waist, but that's such a common thing. I love that I know my truly proper bra size and that it helps me walk straight, feel confident. I have started wearing brighter stronger colors, in both clothing and cosmetics. I see a sparkle in my eyes even when I feel sick, depressed, chronically pained so badly that I can barely walk straight without a cane. My eyes always shine. I feel like a diamond inside. This is the first time I have felt like that in my adult life. I know, deeply, that there will be dizzying highs and abysmal lows and whirlwinds in between, but I feel that diamond confidence inside me, and it is like a flower finally opening after hiding for a long long time. It is permanent. It is deep inside, and I don't think anyone can touch it except me and my dearest loves. It feels warm and comforting.
I don't know where my goals will take me. But I am not afraid. I just want to be a flower petal on the wind, letting the wind take me. I want to finish my book. I want to finish several short stories. I want to set up a daily exercise routine. I want to maintain that deep, intense sense of joy even when I feel angry and aggravated and upset and callous and desperate to lash out when people try to twist my thoughts.
There have been people who called me a hypochondriac, who have mocked my chronic disorders, who have insisted on telling me how wrong I am about my own body and brain. I am done with it. I have finally stood up and said I have had enough. I am starting to care less and less about what the critics say. I am tired and hardened, and I refuse to react anymore to trolling, to armchair doctoring, to false concern, to mocking and teasing. I know who I am, what I am, how I am, and why I am.

At the moment, I feel like total hell. It is often so hard to distinguish between a fibro flare and an actual infection. Fibromyalgia can cause inflammation of the connective tissues, but so can infections. I will treat this like a sickness. I will drink hot tea with honey. I will drink mangosteen juice. I will take extracts of olive leaf and oregano oil and neem leaf. I will take codeine as I need it for the more excruciating pain, and Soma or Flexeril as I need it for extreme muscle spasms. And I will wait, and I will love myself. That is very important.

Usually, when I become withdrawn, reserved, intensely introverted, and quiet, all I want is to stay inside my head. But lately I have been craving interaction. I hope that might be an indication that I am ready to start leaving my shell behind a little bit, speak my mind more often without fearing criticism, and enjoy life outside my lifetime of glass walls.

Love is hard but sweet

Have you ever looked at yourself in a mirror after a physical change like a new hair color and thought, "Yes. This is how I am supposed to be. I am finally my kind of beautiful."?

It feels insanely weird. I feel as though I am in the very back of my mind, staring out of the eyes of someone else. I run my hair through my new "deep neutral brown" hair, called Mocha Java by Redken, and really truly believe in my own beauty. I want to lose an inch or three from my hips and waist, but that's such a common thing. I love that I know my truly proper bra size and that it helps me walk straight, feel confident. I have started wearing brighter stronger colors, in both clothing and cosmetics. I see a sparkle in my eyes even when I feel sick, depressed, chronically pained so badly that I can barely walk straight without a cane. My eyes always shine. I feel like a diamond inside. This is the first time I have felt like that in my adult life. I know, deeply, that there will be dizzying highs and abysmal lows and whirlwinds in between, but I feel that diamond confidence inside me, and it is like a flower finally opening after hiding for a long long time. It is permanent. It is deep inside, and I don't think anyone can touch it except me and my dearest loves. It feels warm and comforting.
I don't know where my goals will take me. But I am not afraid. I just want to be a flower petal on the wind, letting the wind take me. I want to finish my book. I want to finish several short stories. I want to set up a daily exercise routine. I want to maintain that deep, intense sense of joy even when I feel angry and aggravated and upset and callous and desperate to lash out when people try to twist my thoughts.
There have been people who called me a hypochondriac, who have mocked my chronic disorders, who have insisted on telling me how wrong I am about my own body and brain. I am done with it. I have finally stood up and said I have had enough. I am starting to care less and less about what the critics say. I am tired and hardened, and I refuse to react anymore to trolling, to armchair doctoring, to false concern, to mocking and teasing. I know who I am, what I am, how I am, and why I am.

At the moment, I feel like total hell. It is often so hard to distinguish between a fibro flare and an actual infection. Fibromyalgia can cause inflammation of the connective tissues, but so can infections. I will treat this like a sickness. I will drink hot tea with honey. I will drink mangosteen juice. I will take extracts of olive leaf and oregano oil and neem leaf. I will take codeine as I need it for the more excruciating pain, and Soma or Flexeril as I need it for extreme muscle spasms. And I will wait, and I will love myself. That is very important.

Usually, when I become withdrawn, reserved, intensely introverted, and quiet, all I want is to stay inside my head. But lately I have been craving interaction. I hope that might be an indication that I am ready to start leaving my shell behind a little bit, speak my mind more often without fearing criticism, and enjoy life outside my lifetime of glass walls.

Love is hard but sweet

Have you ever looked at yourself in a mirror after a physical change like a new hair color and thought, "Yes. This is how I am supposed to be. I am finally my kind of beautiful."?

It feels insanely weird. I feel as though I am in the very back of my mind, staring out of the eyes of someone else. I run my hair through my new "deep neutral brown" hair, called Mocha Java by Redken, and really truly believe in my own beauty. I want to lose an inch or three from my hips and waist, but that's such a common thing. I love that I know my truly proper bra size and that it helps me walk straight, feel confident. I have started wearing brighter stronger colors, in both clothing and cosmetics. I see a sparkle in my eyes even when I feel sick, depressed, chronically pained so badly that I can barely walk straight without a cane. My eyes always shine. I feel like a diamond inside. This is the first time I have felt like that in my adult life. I know, deeply, that there will be dizzying highs and abysmal lows and whirlwinds in between, but I feel that diamond confidence inside me, and it is like a flower finally opening after hiding for a long long time. It is permanent. It is deep inside, and I don't think anyone can touch it except me and my dearest loves. It feels warm and comforting.
I don't know where my goals will take me. But I am not afraid. I just want to be a flower petal on the wind, letting the wind take me. I want to finish my book. I want to finish several short stories. I want to set up a daily exercise routine. I want to maintain that deep, intense sense of joy even when I feel angry and aggravated and upset and callous and desperate to lash out when people try to twist my thoughts.
There have been people who called me a hypochondriac, who have mocked my chronic disorders, who have insisted on telling me how wrong I am about my own body and brain. I am done with it. I have finally stood up and said I have had enough. I am starting to care less and less about what the critics say. I am tired and hardened, and I refuse to react anymore to trolling, to armchair doctoring, to false concern, to mocking and teasing. I know who I am, what I am, how I am, and why I am.

At the moment, I feel like total hell. It is often so hard to distinguish between a fibro flare and an actual infection. Fibromyalgia can cause inflammation of the connective tissues, but so can infections. I will treat this like a sickness. I will drink hot tea with honey. I will drink mangosteen juice. I will take extracts of olive leaf and oregano oil and neem leaf. I will take codeine as I need it for the more excruciating pain, and Soma or Flexeril as I need it for extreme muscle spasms. And I will wait, and I will love myself. That is very important.

Usually, when I become withdrawn, reserved, intensely introverted, and quiet, all I want is to stay inside my head. But lately I have been craving interaction. I hope that might be an indication that I am ready to start leaving my shell behind a little bit, speak my mind more often without fearing criticism, and enjoy life outside my lifetime of glass walls.