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brightrosefoxFirst: Visiting Billy and Charlotte and knowing that their lives will be getting better soon. Having Danny stop by so all five of us could sit around and get closer as friends. Chatting with Charlotte about other avenues I could take for the book, really fantastic ideas, since Charlotte is probably my first biggest fan and a great empath and able to read things in me and in the book that I hadn't even realized. Finding out that my real guardian is a bear who always stands behind me with a hug, but I could never see him. Confirming another totem as a very energetic kit fox, who uses up too much of my resources. And still another who neither of us can see yet, something cat-like and seductive and powerful. Charlotte's words: "It doesn't want to reveal itself just yet because it knows you're not ready. But when it does manifest itself, it's going to turn you into such a sex kitten that I'm gonna want to fuck you." And Billy just smiled. Ahh, loving husbands. Of course, Adam and Dan also had big grins, but that was expected.
Then: Returning home with Dan; the three of us sitting around talking. Me introducing Dan to the Oh My Gods! strip and making him laugh very hard. Revealing to Danny something from my childhood that I never told anyone--and seeing Danny pat me in congratulations, praising my literal life-long pursuit of the more sensuous, sensual, and curious things in life. The pre-pubescent minds of ten-year-old girlfriends are quite flexible in their innocence. Talking about intuition and more, psychic leanings that pop up every now and then, the direct instant knowledge of absolute truth from miles or even days away. I think I get along with Dan so well because he's a Scorpio like my father, as well as equally psychic, even though Dad renounced his connections decades ago. I confessed to Danny the whole story and he agrees that my family history is certainly filled with surprising untapped potential.
Later: Going to Danny's house and being pleasantly surprised to find my loving boyfriend being amazingly affectionate and sweet and promising some much-needed alone time soon. When I saw that a favorite song wasn't on Danny's QCD playlist, Adam searched and found it for me: "Buffy the Vampire Slayer Theme Techno-Matrix Trance Remix". Out of all the instrumental pieces I've heard over the years, it is perhaps the one song that so perfectly represents the deepest desires of my self that I just can't quite admit to wanting: I want to dance to that song, but I want to dance a very specific, creative dance and I'm not worried that people will laugh or think I have no rhythm; it is a dance for me and me alone and eventually my dearest friends, and I'm scared that I'll never be able to do this one thing: I'll never be able to acheive the true physical coordination that I need to overcome the chains of a former handicap and prove to myself, just myself, that I really can do it all. It's a powerful song in many ways, and I can't explain them all right now.
When we left a couple of hours ago, he took me to a supermarket because when asked what I wanted I said fruit. And a shy request: Soft but bright makeup and a couple of disposable cameras. I wanted him to make me up all pretty and take pictures; I wanted to let myself see how much I can shine. I think I deserve that.
Currently: He is tending the fish tank and will soon take a shower; and then I'll shower while he prepares everything and then it will be the two of us, together, as lovers, as friends, being what we can for each other.
It makes me happy. I deserve to always be happy. Everyone does...
Then: Returning home with Dan; the three of us sitting around talking. Me introducing Dan to the Oh My Gods! strip and making him laugh very hard. Revealing to Danny something from my childhood that I never told anyone--and seeing Danny pat me in congratulations, praising my literal life-long pursuit of the more sensuous, sensual, and curious things in life. The pre-pubescent minds of ten-year-old girlfriends are quite flexible in their innocence. Talking about intuition and more, psychic leanings that pop up every now and then, the direct instant knowledge of absolute truth from miles or even days away. I think I get along with Dan so well because he's a Scorpio like my father, as well as equally psychic, even though Dad renounced his connections decades ago. I confessed to Danny the whole story and he agrees that my family history is certainly filled with surprising untapped potential.
Later: Going to Danny's house and being pleasantly surprised to find my loving boyfriend being amazingly affectionate and sweet and promising some much-needed alone time soon. When I saw that a favorite song wasn't on Danny's QCD playlist, Adam searched and found it for me: "Buffy the Vampire Slayer Theme Techno-Matrix Trance Remix". Out of all the instrumental pieces I've heard over the years, it is perhaps the one song that so perfectly represents the deepest desires of my self that I just can't quite admit to wanting: I want to dance to that song, but I want to dance a very specific, creative dance and I'm not worried that people will laugh or think I have no rhythm; it is a dance for me and me alone and eventually my dearest friends, and I'm scared that I'll never be able to do this one thing: I'll never be able to acheive the true physical coordination that I need to overcome the chains of a former handicap and prove to myself, just myself, that I really can do it all. It's a powerful song in many ways, and I can't explain them all right now.
When we left a couple of hours ago, he took me to a supermarket because when asked what I wanted I said fruit. And a shy request: Soft but bright makeup and a couple of disposable cameras. I wanted him to make me up all pretty and take pictures; I wanted to let myself see how much I can shine. I think I deserve that.
Currently: He is tending the fish tank and will soon take a shower; and then I'll shower while he prepares everything and then it will be the two of us, together, as lovers, as friends, being what we can for each other.
It makes me happy. I deserve to always be happy. Everyone does...
