a simple body thought
Apr. 12th, 2008 11:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightrosefoxI recently posted another photo of myself in the curvygirls community, after being body-anxious for a while. The semi-nude shot was very well-received, just like all the other nude photos I've posted in that community. And I finally realized: No matter how many times I stare at my body in the mirror and find flaws and wrongness, a camera doesn't lie. Those comments I get, those comments like "beautiful" and "amazing" and "stunning" and "perfect curves" and "fantastic breasts" and "gorgeous hips" really do mean something.
I forget, all the time. I forget, because of what I think the mirror tells me.
It is not the mirror that tells me these things. It is my mind. Myself. I think these thoughts, and these thoughts become my eyes, and I see things that are not true, because the mirror reflects not just body, but mind. That's why it can be difficult. I should never blame the mirror.
Today, I had a long deep conversation with a man I'd only known for a couple of hours and a woman I'd known for eight years. We talked truthfully about body image, about eating disorders and disordered eating, about media influence and scrutiny, about the ease with which we can fall into these traps. My friends told me with real truth that I am beautiful with my curves and I always will be and nothing can change that. I realized that even if I lose ten pounds or gain five pounds, my curves are here to stay, and I have learned to embrace them because they are me. This is who I am.
Tonight, when I looked in the mirror after removing my clothes, I looked long and hard, and I thought, "Okay. You are someone I can live with. I love you."
That's all. Good night, lovely body.
I forget, all the time. I forget, because of what I think the mirror tells me.
It is not the mirror that tells me these things. It is my mind. Myself. I think these thoughts, and these thoughts become my eyes, and I see things that are not true, because the mirror reflects not just body, but mind. That's why it can be difficult. I should never blame the mirror.
Today, I had a long deep conversation with a man I'd only known for a couple of hours and a woman I'd known for eight years. We talked truthfully about body image, about eating disorders and disordered eating, about media influence and scrutiny, about the ease with which we can fall into these traps. My friends told me with real truth that I am beautiful with my curves and I always will be and nothing can change that. I realized that even if I lose ten pounds or gain five pounds, my curves are here to stay, and I have learned to embrace them because they are me. This is who I am.
Tonight, when I looked in the mirror after removing my clothes, I looked long and hard, and I thought, "Okay. You are someone I can live with. I love you."
That's all. Good night, lovely body.
