Pain is a bitch
May. 14th, 2004 01:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightrosefoxYeah, the CP related fatigue is back. It's actually worse than last time. My legs are shaking and barely want to move and there are literally spikes of pain shooting up and down. I'm limping badly on both legs because the muscles are pulled exhaustingly tight.
I think this is just accumulation from weeks and months of all the walking and working. Sometimes I do forget that I'm just one of those people to whom muscle fatigue comes easily. It just frustrates me that there's not much I can do except find ways to increase oxygen flow and stamina. Neuromuscular disorders aren't fun. But I'm not complaining. Everyone suffers fatigue. And not everyone has a neuromuscular disorder that contributes to said fatigue. I just need to remind myself that mine is usually every day, and find a way to deal with it.
I was talking with a girl on yahoo messenger a couple of days ago. She also has mild cerebral palsy and she was curious about how I handled it. I discovered that I really am not alone in all the frustrating and embarrassing conditions the CP causes. The girl described daily fatigue, hemiparetic tremors, lack of coordination, dizziness, stumbling both physically and verbally, stress incontinence, having her muscles clench and lock up constantly. We were both very relieved to have someone to talk to about the specifics. We understood that everyone has some kind of pain, problem, disorder, what have you, but there are still unique ways of being affected by them and handling them. I told her that sometimes when I'm walking down the street among people, I'll be asked why I'm limping or if I'm dizzy, since I rarely walk straight. It hurts sometimes to be reminded, since it's an indication that I'm not concentrating enough on muscle control.
But in talking with this girl, I found that it's okay if others notice, it's okay if the way I walk doesn't seem "normal". I'm still me. I'm still strong. And I don't lie down in defeat. I will let it wash over me if the pain and exhaustion get too strong, but I'll keep going, wincing all the way. Unfortunately, like most people I know, I don't really know how to block and hide my pain and push it down. I let it come to the surface so it can remind me that something's wrong. And I just walk through it. I guess I've always done that. I remind myself that I'm strong enough not to let it beat me.
I think this is just accumulation from weeks and months of all the walking and working. Sometimes I do forget that I'm just one of those people to whom muscle fatigue comes easily. It just frustrates me that there's not much I can do except find ways to increase oxygen flow and stamina. Neuromuscular disorders aren't fun. But I'm not complaining. Everyone suffers fatigue. And not everyone has a neuromuscular disorder that contributes to said fatigue. I just need to remind myself that mine is usually every day, and find a way to deal with it.
I was talking with a girl on yahoo messenger a couple of days ago. She also has mild cerebral palsy and she was curious about how I handled it. I discovered that I really am not alone in all the frustrating and embarrassing conditions the CP causes. The girl described daily fatigue, hemiparetic tremors, lack of coordination, dizziness, stumbling both physically and verbally, stress incontinence, having her muscles clench and lock up constantly. We were both very relieved to have someone to talk to about the specifics. We understood that everyone has some kind of pain, problem, disorder, what have you, but there are still unique ways of being affected by them and handling them. I told her that sometimes when I'm walking down the street among people, I'll be asked why I'm limping or if I'm dizzy, since I rarely walk straight. It hurts sometimes to be reminded, since it's an indication that I'm not concentrating enough on muscle control.
But in talking with this girl, I found that it's okay if others notice, it's okay if the way I walk doesn't seem "normal". I'm still me. I'm still strong. And I don't lie down in defeat. I will let it wash over me if the pain and exhaustion get too strong, but I'll keep going, wincing all the way. Unfortunately, like most people I know, I don't really know how to block and hide my pain and push it down. I let it come to the surface so it can remind me that something's wrong. And I just walk through it. I guess I've always done that. I remind myself that I'm strong enough not to let it beat me.
