A Quiet Caturday
Dec. 18th, 2010 06:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightrosefoxOh, life. I sliced open my right middle finger while using a pair of scissors to open a cardboard box. Nice and deep. It bled for a while, until I wondered why I was feeling mildly light-headed. A treatment of hydrogen peroxide, iodine, Neosporin, and various Band-Aids later, I'm typing in a funny manner and the latest Band-Aid is small and square. I actually am not sure how the scissor blade managed to bite into my finger that deeply. I must have slipped in a very speedy way. The pain from the wound was beautiful. It was a startling, welcome change from the often insipid aches of chronic pain. Oh, chronic pain has its extreme moments of flashing intensity and screaming highs. But nothing so fresh, so stunning, as the acute sting of a bleeding cut on a finger, with all those nerve endings.
I spent last night and most of today fighting off panic attacks, anxiety attacks, and what Adam once referred to as "severe short-term depression" but what I call "briefly moody with unusually low dopamine levels." Nothing made me smile, so I forced it, and felt like I was sinking. I felt exhausted just thinking up ways to make myself happy. It's fading now, sort of. I can make the masks fit a little better now. But I've been shaky, achy, twitchy, and weird for the last two days. I'll monitor it and see how long it lasts.
A few days ago, I called Comcast to ask how they could reduce my monthly bills, since they always have some kind of promotion. I got a twelve-month deal that not only would reduce my bill by thirty dollars but would give me free Starz channels. So I found myself watching "The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus" and "Push" back to back, and then I opened a new Word file on my laptop and did some outlining for new stories. Also I miss Heath Ledger and his magnificent acting. "Imaginarium" was classic Gilliam and fascinating if not too brief in parts. "Push" was a very pretty, weirdly speedy jumble and would have worked better as a mini-series or television show.
Currently reading: "Last Sacrifice" by Richelle Mead, "The Habitation of the Blessed: A Dirge For Prester John Book One" by Catherynne M. Valente, "The Queen Of Sinister" by Mark Chadbourn, and "Sixty-One Nails" by Mike Shevdon. About to eat a Reeses Dark Peanut Butter Cup and to drink some kratom juice. About to take tryptophan, tyrosine, and taurine supplements, since dopamine is low.
I spent last night and most of today fighting off panic attacks, anxiety attacks, and what Adam once referred to as "severe short-term depression" but what I call "briefly moody with unusually low dopamine levels." Nothing made me smile, so I forced it, and felt like I was sinking. I felt exhausted just thinking up ways to make myself happy. It's fading now, sort of. I can make the masks fit a little better now. But I've been shaky, achy, twitchy, and weird for the last two days. I'll monitor it and see how long it lasts.
A few days ago, I called Comcast to ask how they could reduce my monthly bills, since they always have some kind of promotion. I got a twelve-month deal that not only would reduce my bill by thirty dollars but would give me free Starz channels. So I found myself watching "The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus" and "Push" back to back, and then I opened a new Word file on my laptop and did some outlining for new stories. Also I miss Heath Ledger and his magnificent acting. "Imaginarium" was classic Gilliam and fascinating if not too brief in parts. "Push" was a very pretty, weirdly speedy jumble and would have worked better as a mini-series or television show.
Currently reading: "Last Sacrifice" by Richelle Mead, "The Habitation of the Blessed: A Dirge For Prester John Book One" by Catherynne M. Valente, "The Queen Of Sinister" by Mark Chadbourn, and "Sixty-One Nails" by Mike Shevdon. About to eat a Reeses Dark Peanut Butter Cup and to drink some kratom juice. About to take tryptophan, tyrosine, and taurine supplements, since dopamine is low.
