What the fuck is wrong with me?
May. 15th, 2004 11:17 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightrosefoxFor no apparent reason, I've been crying hysterically on and off for the past hour. Is it because my beloved had to go off on yet another out-of-state business trip a week after he just came back from one? Is it because I haven't really eaten yet? Am I bored? Lonely? Upset about my godmother's injury?
I see a music video for a depressing song and I burst into tears. But right after that I see something comical and it makes me laugh. Then my mind wanders and I start sobbing again, huge heaving sobs. This actually doesn't happen as often as one would think. I guess I'm just bored and lonely. I lived most of my life without many friends, spending Saturdays and Sundays reading books and writing stories, so being alone never really bothered me. However, now that I've made all these friends, there are times when I feel like something's being ripped out of me if I don't see at least someone every few days. I know that sounds pretty extreme, but I think part of me has gotten so used to friends that I'm not entirely sure what to do without them. It's probably not the best thing for my mental health. But I've realized how precious and powerful friendships can be. I see Adam every day, naturally, and I usually see one or two groups of friends on weekends. I think my subconscious is just reeling from having my lover pulled away so soon. I was very comfortable, and now I'm not.
Oh, well. Maybe I'll take a nap or something and see if I can call anyone to hang out with.
I see a music video for a depressing song and I burst into tears. But right after that I see something comical and it makes me laugh. Then my mind wanders and I start sobbing again, huge heaving sobs. This actually doesn't happen as often as one would think. I guess I'm just bored and lonely. I lived most of my life without many friends, spending Saturdays and Sundays reading books and writing stories, so being alone never really bothered me. However, now that I've made all these friends, there are times when I feel like something's being ripped out of me if I don't see at least someone every few days. I know that sounds pretty extreme, but I think part of me has gotten so used to friends that I'm not entirely sure what to do without them. It's probably not the best thing for my mental health. But I've realized how precious and powerful friendships can be. I see Adam every day, naturally, and I usually see one or two groups of friends on weekends. I think my subconscious is just reeling from having my lover pulled away so soon. I was very comfortable, and now I'm not.
Oh, well. Maybe I'll take a nap or something and see if I can call anyone to hang out with.
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