Being Alice: Falling Blind
Aug. 26th, 2012 02:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightrosefoxI think I had my first atonic seizure last night. Fully triggered by overwhelming fatigue. My body completely gave out. My muscles were truly fatigued. The only way I could move was through willpower and conscious effort.
I was powering down my laptop after promising Adam I'd come to bed for sex, when without warning my head hit the arm of the couch. My next memory was of stumbling out of the bathroom with my eyes closed because my whole body was too heavy and weak, banging my head on a wall, staggering into the bedroom and clutching dressers to remain upright, then collapsing halfway onto the bed. I managed to drag myself to my pillow, fully clothed, struggled to get up and pull my clothes off, then collapsing fully backward onto Adam's legs. I literally could not move without forcing myself. He helped pull me up to my pillow, wrapped himself around me, and stroked my hair and face while I sobbed and apologized over and over. I kept reaching up and patting his face as though I were blind, and he kissed my fingers. I began lightly spasming all over as my muscles remembered their natural state.
When I fell asleep, I had hideous dreams of a creature that swallowed galaxies whole, so massive and horrifying that it would frighten Lovecraft to death, and dreams of being crushed alive.
I woke up naturally just before eleven, realized that I was physically able to move as long as I staggered and balanced myself, and then when Adam went into the upstairs bathroom, I somehow made it downstairs to the half bathroom and shivered while my body released everything in my digestive tract; it still felt like part of a nightmare.
I have no idea how I got back upstairs. Adam soothed me while I tried to actively figure out how I was going to take a shower, shave, clip my fingernails, and get dressed. He figured sex might help; it actually did. I was able to do those things while still in vertigo, even take my medications, and the hot shower woke me up and eased my pains enough so that I could get downstairs and help with breakfast. I am still obviously postictal, but feeling well enough to pretend to be fine. This long post is probably some proof.
To my fellow Spearwives: Boadicea, Baby, and thank the gods for good pharmaceutical drugs and supplements that actually work. And hot showers. And sex. And stretching. And meditation. And cats. And love.
I was powering down my laptop after promising Adam I'd come to bed for sex, when without warning my head hit the arm of the couch. My next memory was of stumbling out of the bathroom with my eyes closed because my whole body was too heavy and weak, banging my head on a wall, staggering into the bedroom and clutching dressers to remain upright, then collapsing halfway onto the bed. I managed to drag myself to my pillow, fully clothed, struggled to get up and pull my clothes off, then collapsing fully backward onto Adam's legs. I literally could not move without forcing myself. He helped pull me up to my pillow, wrapped himself around me, and stroked my hair and face while I sobbed and apologized over and over. I kept reaching up and patting his face as though I were blind, and he kissed my fingers. I began lightly spasming all over as my muscles remembered their natural state.
When I fell asleep, I had hideous dreams of a creature that swallowed galaxies whole, so massive and horrifying that it would frighten Lovecraft to death, and dreams of being crushed alive.
I woke up naturally just before eleven, realized that I was physically able to move as long as I staggered and balanced myself, and then when Adam went into the upstairs bathroom, I somehow made it downstairs to the half bathroom and shivered while my body released everything in my digestive tract; it still felt like part of a nightmare.
I have no idea how I got back upstairs. Adam soothed me while I tried to actively figure out how I was going to take a shower, shave, clip my fingernails, and get dressed. He figured sex might help; it actually did. I was able to do those things while still in vertigo, even take my medications, and the hot shower woke me up and eased my pains enough so that I could get downstairs and help with breakfast. I am still obviously postictal, but feeling well enough to pretend to be fine. This long post is probably some proof.
To my fellow Spearwives: Boadicea, Baby, and thank the gods for good pharmaceutical drugs and supplements that actually work. And hot showers. And sex. And stretching. And meditation. And cats. And love.
