On On On Cried The Leaders In The Back
Sep. 4th, 2012 09:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightrosefox*teeth grind*
I try to be okay. I always try.
This time I just cannot make the thoughts leave. I've mentally tried screaming, pleading, cajoling, forcing, threatening, crying. They don't fucking care. They get louder and louder and they laugh and troll and tell me what a terrible human I am and how nothing I do will ever matter because in the end I will always screw things up, even though I have an actual excuse that includes various disabilities. The depression doesn't care. The depression insists that everything is my fault and always will be, and smacks me in the face with the trolling insistence that nobody loves me for who I am, only for what I can give them.
Internet trolls have absolutely nothing on clinical major depression.
I hate it.
Fuck depression.
I will now do everything I possibly can to fight, fight hard, but I am weak and losing spears and I just want to sleep for days and not care. But I have animals to care for and promises to keep and a life to live and loves to love. So fuck you, depression trolls. You cannot take me. Get the fuck out.
Joanna The Sicilian Greek Russian Romanian Hungarian Warrior Princess commands it.
I hope it works. Please let it work. Dear Cosmic Interdimensional Entities in this Universe and other Universes, if you can hear me, give me some sort of strength, because I am thisclose to falling down.
Thank you, New Model Army. Thank you, Justin Sullivan.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oV8af21GusA (The Charge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyr8aiGUlzc (Vagabonds)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPIPTR3Z5Vc (Wonderful Way To Go)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4xg9NwCg80 (Rivers plus Orange Tree Roads)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcLdXSkm5uE (Ballad Of Bodmin Pil)
I try to be okay. I always try.
This time I just cannot make the thoughts leave. I've mentally tried screaming, pleading, cajoling, forcing, threatening, crying. They don't fucking care. They get louder and louder and they laugh and troll and tell me what a terrible human I am and how nothing I do will ever matter because in the end I will always screw things up, even though I have an actual excuse that includes various disabilities. The depression doesn't care. The depression insists that everything is my fault and always will be, and smacks me in the face with the trolling insistence that nobody loves me for who I am, only for what I can give them.
Internet trolls have absolutely nothing on clinical major depression.
I hate it.
Fuck depression.
I will now do everything I possibly can to fight, fight hard, but I am weak and losing spears and I just want to sleep for days and not care. But I have animals to care for and promises to keep and a life to live and loves to love. So fuck you, depression trolls. You cannot take me. Get the fuck out.
Joanna The Sicilian Greek Russian Romanian Hungarian Warrior Princess commands it.
I hope it works. Please let it work. Dear Cosmic Interdimensional Entities in this Universe and other Universes, if you can hear me, give me some sort of strength, because I am thisclose to falling down.
Thank you, New Model Army. Thank you, Justin Sullivan.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oV8af21GusA (The Charge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyr8aiGUlzc (Vagabonds)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPIPTR3Z5Vc (Wonderful Way To Go)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4xg9NwCg80 (Rivers plus Orange Tree Roads)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcLdXSkm5uE (Ballad Of Bodmin Pil)
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no subject
Date: 2012-09-05 02:00 am (UTC)*hugs more*
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Date: 2012-09-05 02:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-05 03:13 am (UTC)