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brightrosefoxSo I wound up renaming my journal. In order to do that, I had to send them fifteen bucks for a rename token--a permanent change. Why did I do it? Because LJ has been so wonderful, letting me cry into their digital paper boxes, and I figured I should help them out since I have a free acount. The other reason is this:
Siren is not really a true part of me. Not a true personality. She is a character. She was something I created in college to play my first vampire game, and then she took on a life of her own after I started dating Ben. She was all my untapped potntial for rage and fury and passion, the wild beast locked in the black iron cage, the sex and fear and seduction and nightmare and violent beauty that was buried deep inside me. She roared to life after Ben betrayed me and nearly caused me to almost kill him. When I started "phone-dating" Adam, I brought her out in my voice to meet his own dark side, Shiefox. I have always been able to use her influence to push my confidence levels. When Lex, Beth, and Adam took pictures of me in that plastic wrap outfit, Adam encouraged me to "be Siren" during my posing, and those photos are amazing--she's looking out through my eyes and snarling. She's always been just below the surface. But she was just a creation, something to prove to myself.
Rose, on the other hand, is me. My true heart's name. During a shared vision quest, Adam and I reverted to childlike states and discovered our "real names." His, as it turned out, was actually Adam. The first man. The child of the earth. The essence of humanity. Mine, we found out, was Rose. Not just any rose. Eternal Rose of Summer. A thing that was born, bloomed, wilted, and bloomed again, endlessly, while the rolling gold-fire sun fed it tirelessly. The soul would never die. The hope. The strength. The power.
Funny: My pentacle has the symbol for the Celtic Eternal Rose on the back of it. I have worn it around my neck since I bought it with Adam when we first began dating. Watson's birthday present to me this year was a pendant, the symbol of growth and power, and his note read "What you've done and what you've gained."
But Rose has her thorns. She can make you bleed as much as she can make you ache to touch her and protect her. She may be delicate and small, but she is a steel magnolia.
Fox, of course, is my spirit animal. Shy, cunning, coy, quick, small. From the time I was fifteen, I'd been dying my hair varying shades of fox-red.
The number eight: Turned on its side, the symbol for infinity, eternity. I always liked that. Especially now.
This is just in case anyone was wondering why sirenfox has been changed, why their browser converts to a new name if they type in sirenfox. This is why. This is me.
Siren is not really a true part of me. Not a true personality. She is a character. She was something I created in college to play my first vampire game, and then she took on a life of her own after I started dating Ben. She was all my untapped potntial for rage and fury and passion, the wild beast locked in the black iron cage, the sex and fear and seduction and nightmare and violent beauty that was buried deep inside me. She roared to life after Ben betrayed me and nearly caused me to almost kill him. When I started "phone-dating" Adam, I brought her out in my voice to meet his own dark side, Shiefox. I have always been able to use her influence to push my confidence levels. When Lex, Beth, and Adam took pictures of me in that plastic wrap outfit, Adam encouraged me to "be Siren" during my posing, and those photos are amazing--she's looking out through my eyes and snarling. She's always been just below the surface. But she was just a creation, something to prove to myself.
Rose, on the other hand, is me. My true heart's name. During a shared vision quest, Adam and I reverted to childlike states and discovered our "real names." His, as it turned out, was actually Adam. The first man. The child of the earth. The essence of humanity. Mine, we found out, was Rose. Not just any rose. Eternal Rose of Summer. A thing that was born, bloomed, wilted, and bloomed again, endlessly, while the rolling gold-fire sun fed it tirelessly. The soul would never die. The hope. The strength. The power.
Funny: My pentacle has the symbol for the Celtic Eternal Rose on the back of it. I have worn it around my neck since I bought it with Adam when we first began dating. Watson's birthday present to me this year was a pendant, the symbol of growth and power, and his note read "What you've done and what you've gained."
But Rose has her thorns. She can make you bleed as much as she can make you ache to touch her and protect her. She may be delicate and small, but she is a steel magnolia.
Fox, of course, is my spirit animal. Shy, cunning, coy, quick, small. From the time I was fifteen, I'd been dying my hair varying shades of fox-red.
The number eight: Turned on its side, the symbol for infinity, eternity. I always liked that. Especially now.
This is just in case anyone was wondering why sirenfox has been changed, why their browser converts to a new name if they type in sirenfox. This is why. This is me.