Velvet and silk, comfort me
Jul. 13th, 2005 03:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightrosefoxWell. It's all right, though. Really.
I just found out something, a confirmed suspicion, that makes me unhappy, a little angry, and very very confused. I am hurt more than I think I should be. I want to say that I wish it had never happened. But it did. Strikes had been made, wounds that never should have been. But it's over now, the healing has begun. Scars will heal. Except, perhaps, for this new, freshly open bleeding psychic heart wound. They say I am the Innocent One. I am too, too trusting, far too much. I open myself too quickly. I should know better by now.
There's silence in my heart. I don't know what to think. The wound goes deeper than I would have thought, because the event that occured nearly destroyed and ruined several amazing things. The thing happened on a most wonderful day and the thing almost destroyed everything that the most wonderful day stood for.
It's better now, the damage can be at least cleaned and some day repaired. But it should not have happened. I don't know why it happened. I wish it hadn't. I wish I'd never known. I am starting to lose faith in people now. That makes me unhappy, very much.
And I am sorry. You know who you are. I am sorry we have been so damaged, so betrayed, so wounded. It didn't have to happen. Nothing we could have done. Can we just hold each other, whisper that everything will be all right? I want it to be. Gods above, I want it to be.
I don't want to talk about it anymore, not here.
I just want to go into a corner and curl up with a silk and velvet blanket and sleep and dream of unicorns.
At least there is something to be said for loyalty and integrity.
Much love to my Beca, my Jenn, and of course and especially my Adam. Pillars, all of you.
I just found out something, a confirmed suspicion, that makes me unhappy, a little angry, and very very confused. I am hurt more than I think I should be. I want to say that I wish it had never happened. But it did. Strikes had been made, wounds that never should have been. But it's over now, the healing has begun. Scars will heal. Except, perhaps, for this new, freshly open bleeding psychic heart wound. They say I am the Innocent One. I am too, too trusting, far too much. I open myself too quickly. I should know better by now.
There's silence in my heart. I don't know what to think. The wound goes deeper than I would have thought, because the event that occured nearly destroyed and ruined several amazing things. The thing happened on a most wonderful day and the thing almost destroyed everything that the most wonderful day stood for.
It's better now, the damage can be at least cleaned and some day repaired. But it should not have happened. I don't know why it happened. I wish it hadn't. I wish I'd never known. I am starting to lose faith in people now. That makes me unhappy, very much.
And I am sorry. You know who you are. I am sorry we have been so damaged, so betrayed, so wounded. It didn't have to happen. Nothing we could have done. Can we just hold each other, whisper that everything will be all right? I want it to be. Gods above, I want it to be.
I don't want to talk about it anymore, not here.
I just want to go into a corner and curl up with a silk and velvet blanket and sleep and dream of unicorns.
At least there is something to be said for loyalty and integrity.
Much love to my Beca, my Jenn, and of course and especially my Adam. Pillars, all of you.
