Death and love in different forms

[brightrosefox]

We get the Washington Post at work every day; several copies, so I can distribute them around the office. Two front page articles this morning really, really disturbed me and just made me feel so cold: One was the devastating news of children killed in a bomb attack in Iraq while American soldiers had been handing out candy and toys -- candy and toys, for gods's sake. And the photo was just chilling -- women and men caught in blurred moments of screaming, sobbing, wailing, hands dragging the skin of their faces as they tried to claw the grief and pain and horror out of themselves. I really hate the capacity of human hate. I really, really do. And I know hating hate is redundant and pointless, but there is no other word. Yes there is: Despise. Abhor. Abominate. Detest. Loathe. Scorn. Hate is the other side of love. Hate means a certain intensity of feeling. I don't have this intense feeling: I just feel cold and sad and furious and helpless.
The other article is about a woman arrested for having over one hundred dead cats in her house -- a cat collector. She admits to it, but she insists she was never cruel. She loved those animals. But over thirty living kittens and about a dozen living cats were removed, and the rest were dead. Poor woman. She lost control, kept taking them in, taking them in, feeding them letting them breed. They were eating the neighbor cat's food. They were everywhere. And all the dead ones. That seems tragic too, in a smaller way.

The cat article makes me realize the depth of love and affection that humans can have for pets, especially cats. Last night, while Adam was in bed watching TV and I was on the computer, Tuesday jumped up onto his chest and asked for love. And he started cuddling and cooing naturally, and he said to her, "You love me so much, don't you? You love me more than my wife loves me." And I asked what he meant. He said, "She loves me unconditionally in a way a human can't. To her, I am father, packmate, lover, god. I am her world."
And I thought about this. He is right, in a way. A cat will love a human with a kind of love not equaled by other humans, not even a lover, spouse, parent, child. And a human will love a cat with a certain kind of love different from that toward other humans. Love for a child, almost, but not quite. I don't know if I can explain how love between human and feline works. I just feel it. It's different. It's a different power. I told him that I understood. I said, "I love you as much as I could ever love you. I'm not in competition with the kitten." He grinned and said, "Yes, but she is in competition with you." As if to prove that point, Tuesday did her cute little sideways collapse against his chest, closed her eyes, tucked her head under his chin, and purred. She really does love him in a very specific feline way that I don't know if humans can really grasp.
And I thought, this woman must have had so much love for the cats. And maybe she just never saw what was happening to her home.

We have Puff with us now, the long-haired gray and white tabby that his Aunt Randy made him take. I'd like to give her to someone else. She is the sweetest cat I have ever known, truly gentle; I love her but my allergies don't. I'll keep her if we cannot find her a home, but I don't do well with long-haired cats. And the love I feel toward her isn't great. Not like the love I have for Tuesday. I look at Tuesday like my child. I'd do anything in my power to keep her safe and healthy. But Puff... I want Puff to have someone who can really love her. She needs a love I can't give her. And I know Tuesday is insanely jealous and territorial.
Tuesday is one of those "I only love mommy and daddy" cats. She will growl and hiss even at Charlotte, who helped care for her from the day we got her. Then again, she seems to see Charlotte as more of a playmate. I am trying to get her to open up more to other people. When people come over, I want them to be able to play with her and cuddle her without getting scratched.

That is all I can really think about right now. I have to stop glancing at the Post now.

Comments

[hopeisadelusion.livejournal.com]

But our pets don't need us the way we need other humans. Cats are solitary animals. Dogs are pack animals, horses are herd animals-but they don't need us to survive the way we need other humans. We need other humans just to keep us sane.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

That is true. The cat doesn't need the human, but I don't believe that the cat's love has to do with need. Humans, yeah, definitely. Without other people, we really would go nuts! Then again, people drive us nuts to begin with. It's a double-edged sword.

[ronin-lethe.livejournal.com]

that's actually false.
cats aren't pack animals the way that dogs are, but they are extremely social creatures. they HUNT alone, because of the nature of their hunting (stalking/laying in wait vs. bringing down prey) but as far as living goes they need social interaction MORE than dogs do. it's a shame that there is such an assumption about cats, it often leads to stunted emotional growth since their owners assume "well, they are solitary anyway".
i find far more sanity in the company of my cat than i have found in the company of most humans. and she prefers me to other animals (except stuffed ones), so we keep each other sane =)

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

That's a good point too. If a cat doesn't get enough love and affection, it becomes... how do I put this, I guess feral, skittish, unfriendly? You told me what your Critter had been like when you first got her. I do wonder how much she had socialized with other cats, or if she just had not been around cats much at all, considering how human she acts now that she's been raised by you. I find it fascinating that the more a cat is raised by a human, the more human tendencies it has. Like Charlotte's cats. Shadow is eerily human in her mothering ways. She seems to have observed and copied Charlotte's maternal behaviors toward her as a kitten, and used it on her own babies. Like whenever one of the kittens would run past her, she'd grab them, hold them in a certain position, and lick them in very specific ways -- mimicking exactly how Charlotte would hold and nuzzle her. Baby and Buster were born among humans and grew up with humans touching them at every step, and they are eerily human in a lot of their ways. In fact, Baby sometimes acts like Billy. Which is sort of freaky. She is "his" cat anyway.
Cats are much more aware of us than we believe.

Cats

[mrsclive-marti.livejournal.com]

My cat, Simba, is exactly the same as yours. He's extremely territorial, and chases away other cats from the garden. He's protective of me too, and meets me at the bus stop to walk me home. Someone once said that if cats could open their food, they wouldn't need humans. I don't think this is true. I know Simba needs love and affection, and it sounds like your cat is exactly the same.

Re: Cats

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

:)
Not only do they need love and affection, they want it -- they ask for it, they get very upset without it. While I do agree that cats don't necessarily need humans to survive, once they have human love they start to need it in a way that no other cat could give. If a cat never saw a human it would be fine, but once that bond is formed, it's really powerful.

Re: Cats

[mrsclive-marti.livejournal.com]

I thought you might want to read a story I wrote about my childhood cat. I wrote this when I was around sixteen. I hope you enjoy it!

http://www.livejournal.com/users/mrsclive_marti/35902.html#cutid1

Re: Cats

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

*smiles* That's how I felt about Nico, the Siberian Husky that my parents got as a puppy, years before I was born. She died at 13 from cancer. I was six years old. There are hundreds of photos of me as a baby, toddler, and small child with Nico. She was my world. She was my first witch familiar. There is still a hole in my heart. She was probably the first creature other than my parents that I truly loved deeply. Tuesday is the first cat that has sparked that love. I have had two other cats, but Muffin and Daniel never got close enough to me. Tuesday reminds me of Nico in her pure, perfect, trusting love.

[amcurtis1.livejournal.com]

you missed the previous article about the ladys first house. They took out 273 live/dead cats and condemned the house only to have the lady come back to collect 30 cats that they had missed the next night. They confiscated those too.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

Oh, man. That's depressing.

[saighin.livejournal.com]

Tuesday's fine & snuggly with me (which is unexpected, since I've only interacted with her a few times), but I just have always had a strange effect on cats that way. Remember Critter of all furballs snuggling up on my lap & washing me the very first time I was ever in Beca's apt? Kitties just always seem to recognize me as just "family" like that somehow. Tough also, in Tesday's case, she might remember & associate me with Adam with "saving" her when she was poisoned over the winter *shrug*.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I remember how she stole your bagel that one time. *grins* That was one of the most adorable things I ever saw, tiny teeth marks in the bagel -- while you were watching her. Bold lil thing.
And I think she does remember that you helped save her life... you were the one to find her, and I'm sure that even in her shaky poisoned state she recognized you. I'm still thanking you for having noticed, otherwise she wouldn't be here. *hugz*

[dogstar240.livejournal.com]

What I've always wondered is why so many people tend to collect cats instead of other animals. I've yet to read an article or story where someone collected dogs or birds and had over 300 of them in their house. I guess it's because cats and humans can interact with each other better, or can mimic each other's behaviors better to a point where we're more comfortable with them. Other animals, even dogs, don't really "copy" our personalities quite like that.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

Exactly. I commented about my friend Charlotte's cats and their eerily human behavior, and it's really true. Shadow sees Charlotte as Mommy, and Billy is Daddy. Shadow is so human that she knows exactly what Billy is talking about if he yells at her to stop something, or if Charlotte tells her something. Case in point: After Shadow had her kittens, one died, one that was supposed to go to me and Adam. Shadow was in deep, deep mourning and grief. She'd cry at the back door, looking toward the spot in the backyard where the tiny grave was.
A month and a half later, Adam's mother brought home a stray kitten who had been abandoned with a litter in a flooded garage. That was Tuesday. The kitten looked uncannily like Shadow's dead one (and Adam's old beloved cat, Baby). This kitten was around the same age as Shadow's two. Adam and I brought Tuesday to Charlotte's house -- and Shadow recognized her. The babies recognized her. They assumed she was their long-lost sibling, or if not, someone just like him/her. Shadow tried to get Tuesday to nurse, to come to her. But Tuesday was scared and confused. She never let Shadow or Baby and Buster touch her.
However, after that day, Shadow and the kittens changed completely. Shadow had gone to Charlotte for the first time since Donkey's death, and licked her face and cuddled. Buster actually came up to me and thanked me -- I actually heard the thought thank you for making Mommy happy again. And Shadow thanked me in her own way. She now lays on my lap whenever I come over. She can smell her lost kitten, or who she believes is her kitten.
It's funny: After the kittens were born, Charlotte and her husband Billy were planning on giving one away. They got the genders confused. So Charlotte told Shadow, "We have to give the boy away" and Shadow began lavishing more attention on the girl. The "girl" turned out to be Buster. They wound up keeping both, and now Buster is much more loving and affecionate than Baby. Baby is more aloof and wild, since not a lot of love was given to her at the start because "she" was supposed to be adopted out.
By the way... Shadow got pregnant shortly after Charlotte's beloved collie-beagle-terrier mix, Sandy, died, because Shadow missed Sandy too much and needed to fill the void. Charlotte asked the universe to let Sandy's spirit into the kittens. And when the kittens were born, they each had markings like Sandy's. Baby has "eyeliner" that looks just like Sandy's eye markings. And she sometimes acts like Sandy in weird ways. Spooky, huh?