The Return To Innocence

Nnngghh. No. Nope.
*breath*
PAALSYY. *fist-shake*
*also literally*
*also thumb in palm, finger flexion wrist flexion, shoulder internal rotation contracture forearm pronation, elbow flexion, clonus... plus spastic hypertonia anyway and also fibromyalgia flare, also stabbed hips. Because fuck everything, that's why*
...*mutter*

A hot bath was mentioned. I requested the amazing secret to getting in and out of a bathtub when it hurts bad enough to scream. It seems there is no secret, just more pain and doing things anyway, because decisions. Magnesium salts, then. Magnesium oil massage, then. Yes.
AUGH. IT HURTS. CRIPPLE SMASH.
Oh, hey, the narcotics and muscle relaxants and anxiolytics are starting to do things. Heeeyy.
Still hurts, but heeyy. Walking. Look! Stairs seem possible again!
Still hurts, though. Just meh now.

Look, I keep telling them, mild counts. Children who have it grow up. Into adults who have it. Adults who are still disabled. Adults who are disintegrating as they age. And mild still counts. Just because I am not using a wheelchair doesn't m-
Oh, fuck this. I'm exhausted. I already went through it with them about the autism and the partial seizures and the OCD and the ADHD-Inattentive and the dyscalculia and the lordosis. And the pharmaceutical drugs alongside the holistic drugs. And I like talking to educate. But they don't seem to be listening well. They make me tired.
http://cerebralpalsy.org/about-cerebral-palsy/symptoms/eight-clinical-signs-of-cerebral-palsy/
*

http://unstrangemind.wordpress.com/2014/04/20/labels-are-for-soup-cans/
This is beautiful. Although, I've heard the term "identity" used in place of "label" and I think that's a cool alternative. But I, personally, will use the "label" term for myself, only. If someone else is fine with it, I'll apply it with them. If someone is anti-label, I will use whatever they use.

I've seen similar issues in gender: Some genderqueer and genderfluid people who do prefer the terms "male-bodied" and "female-bodied" often get scolded for not using "assigned male/female at birth" - but if that is the term you wish to apply to yourself, nobody should scold you for it or insist you change. If a person doesn't want to use the term "label" for themself, they shouldn't have to. But nobody should scold or insist that others stop using labels as identification.

It's like that whole "You shouldn't define yourself by your disability!" I would ask, "Why not? It is a huge part of who and what I am." Then again, I believe this may be part of a divide between those who were born disabled or acquired it so early in life that it is all they know, and those who acquired it after a life of ability/being able-bodied. For example, I take my being disabled seriously, and I have always seen it as a strong part of myself. However, because I was always told to not define myself with it, I learned to push that part down. Now I feel free to express it, now that I've been surrounded by new friends and acquaintances who feel the way I feel, which is wonderful and refreshing.

In response to azhure: "Right now, in this moment, I really envy well and able-bodied people."
Ditto.
I slept for thirteen hours. I don't think it helped. I can still barely move. I sympathize. *hugs you*

***
Mmm. I'd be fine if it weren't for the allergies gone wild; the knees that feel crushed and broken; the joints that are swollen and burning; the lungs that feel tight and pressured; the sciatica that is a constant fire. Is this not fun? Yes indeed. No.
I washed as many dishes as I could stand without wanting to fall over. I will see how many pages of the novel I can write before the headaches start. Then I will finish reading the last couple of chapters of the new Nora Roberts book (Dance Of The Gods) and the girlwoman magazines I got in the mail (Allure and Jane). I'm not tired enough to sleep again. I may force myself to take a walk, just to get things moving. I want an herbal pill or tincture that I can take daily with minimal side effects that will free up my lungs from this congestion and inflammation. I also want something that will ease mild arthritis. Oh, yes. I have that already. Omega-3, MSM, hyaluronic acid. I will go take some. I'm also going to start taking Black Seed extract again. That stuff is beautiful. It works very well for respiratory problems and general immune function.

In response to azhure: "Right now, in this moment, I really envy well and able-bodied people."
Ditto.
I slept for thirteen hours. I don't think it helped. I can still barely move. I sympathize. *hugs you*

***
Mmm. I'd be fine if it weren't for the allergies gone wild; the knees that feel crushed and broken; the joints that are swollen and burning; the lungs that feel tight and pressured; the sciatica that is a constant fire. Is this not fun? Yes indeed. No.
I washed as many dishes as I could stand without wanting to fall over. I will see how many pages of the novel I can write before the headaches start. Then I will finish reading the last couple of chapters of the new Nora Roberts book (Dance Of The Gods) and the girlwoman magazines I got in the mail (Allure and Jane). I'm not tired enough to sleep again. I may force myself to take a walk, just to get things moving. I want an herbal pill or tincture that I can take daily with minimal side effects that will free up my lungs from this congestion and inflammation. I also want something that will ease mild arthritis. Oh, yes. I have that already. Omega-3, MSM, hyaluronic acid. I will go take some. I'm also going to start taking Black Seed extract again. That stuff is beautiful. It works very well for respiratory problems and general immune function.