Breathe. Breathe.
Apr. 29th, 2006 11:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightrosefoxAdam and I decided to go visit Tuesday and say good night, since Adam has to leave very early tomorrow morning. The doctor took us into the big room and led us to the oxygen chamber, which was on at full capacity. Tuesday was sitting comfortably, watching us. When Adam opened the little circular door and reached for her, she stood up, stretched, and rubbed against his hand. The vet was very pleased about that. I got my turn to pet Tuesday, and then she hissed at us, swatted at Adam's hand and gave him a scratch, and let us know that she was unhappy but at least glad that Dad and Mom came to see her.
On the way home, we had The Talk. Adam wanted to know what I would do if, come Sunday night, Tuesday was not better. Would I take her home and let her die in my arms? Would I let them put her down at the clinic? It made me cry hysterically. Adam says that if it were up to him, he would bring Tuesday home and, if she died, bury her in the yard. But, he says, I am not him. He says I need to do what I feel I'd be able to handle. Could I honestly deal with having my cat pass away in the house? Could I bring myself to watch her die in a clinic where she does not understand, where she is not very comfortable? Home would be comfortable and safe, she'd know where she'd be. But would I be able to deal with the incredible emotional shock, grief, and responsibility of that? Adam says that if it comes to that, my heart will tell me what is right. I should just listen to my heart. But what if it is not the right answer? What if I make the wrong choice? Could I live with that on my conscience?
And why am I thinking about this now?
She might pull through. She might be just fine.
All I can do is think about what is Now.
Now, she is doing okay, with full oxygen. The clinic will call if anything goes wrong. It is a 24-hour place. All I can do is wait. All we can do is wait.
I miss my kitten.
On the way home, we had The Talk. Adam wanted to know what I would do if, come Sunday night, Tuesday was not better. Would I take her home and let her die in my arms? Would I let them put her down at the clinic? It made me cry hysterically. Adam says that if it were up to him, he would bring Tuesday home and, if she died, bury her in the yard. But, he says, I am not him. He says I need to do what I feel I'd be able to handle. Could I honestly deal with having my cat pass away in the house? Could I bring myself to watch her die in a clinic where she does not understand, where she is not very comfortable? Home would be comfortable and safe, she'd know where she'd be. But would I be able to deal with the incredible emotional shock, grief, and responsibility of that? Adam says that if it comes to that, my heart will tell me what is right. I should just listen to my heart. But what if it is not the right answer? What if I make the wrong choice? Could I live with that on my conscience?
And why am I thinking about this now?
She might pull through. She might be just fine.
All I can do is think about what is Now.
Now, she is doing okay, with full oxygen. The clinic will call if anything goes wrong. It is a 24-hour place. All I can do is wait. All we can do is wait.
I miss my kitten.
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Date: 2006-04-30 03:57 am (UTC)He was old, and in multiple organ failure.
Josie and I took him to a vet to be euthanized. IT was a drive out into the country.
The vet was very passionate and concerned. Very empathic.
He let me say goodbye, and when it was time to go, he turned smokey away from me. He was uncooperative, so he turned him towards me and used his other paw. I held him as he died.
Having it done at a vet, if necessary isn't too terrible. You know for sure then, that they go without pain.
I'm not trying to sway you in one way or another, but my thoughts are with you, your husband and Tuesday.
oh honey that sucks
Date: 2006-04-30 03:59 am (UTC)For now though, I just hope everything works out. ((((hugs))))
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Date: 2006-04-30 04:47 am (UTC)Anna was a skinny, hungry, pregnant invader in our back yard, trying (with little success) to hunt birds in our back yard. She saw me watching, ran up to the window and asked to be let in. It took awhile, but she got what she wanted. She had her kittens behind me here in the computer room (I got to watch). Found homes for all but one, Jilly, so the complement of felines at Castle Belasco is now 4.
Tuesday is being thought of.
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Date: 2006-04-30 06:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-30 02:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-30 12:42 pm (UTC)I know hard it is, babe - two years ago we went through a week of the same thing with my dog. At the end, we decided to put her down before it got too much worse - we had the vet come to our house. I was going to leave, but then I just kept delaying, until finally I was the one holding her and comforting my Dad. While it sounds bad, it really is just like the drift to sleep.
It was hard, it was hell, I pray to God that I'll never have to do it again - but I have no doubt that it was the right thing.
Whatever you do, though, will be for the best.
I'll be praying and sending any energy I can.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-30 12:48 pm (UTC)That's the entry I wrote when we were trying to decide what to do about Lupa. It's pretty emotional, but it really helped me think through a lot. You're welcome to read it, if you think it would help.
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Date: 2006-04-30 02:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-30 02:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-30 03:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-30 06:52 pm (UTC)