Breathe. Breathe.
Apr. 29th, 2006 11:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightrosefoxAdam and I decided to go visit Tuesday and say good night, since Adam has to leave very early tomorrow morning. The doctor took us into the big room and led us to the oxygen chamber, which was on at full capacity. Tuesday was sitting comfortably, watching us. When Adam opened the little circular door and reached for her, she stood up, stretched, and rubbed against his hand. The vet was very pleased about that. I got my turn to pet Tuesday, and then she hissed at us, swatted at Adam's hand and gave him a scratch, and let us know that she was unhappy but at least glad that Dad and Mom came to see her.
On the way home, we had The Talk. Adam wanted to know what I would do if, come Sunday night, Tuesday was not better. Would I take her home and let her die in my arms? Would I let them put her down at the clinic? It made me cry hysterically. Adam says that if it were up to him, he would bring Tuesday home and, if she died, bury her in the yard. But, he says, I am not him. He says I need to do what I feel I'd be able to handle. Could I honestly deal with having my cat pass away in the house? Could I bring myself to watch her die in a clinic where she does not understand, where she is not very comfortable? Home would be comfortable and safe, she'd know where she'd be. But would I be able to deal with the incredible emotional shock, grief, and responsibility of that? Adam says that if it comes to that, my heart will tell me what is right. I should just listen to my heart. But what if it is not the right answer? What if I make the wrong choice? Could I live with that on my conscience?
And why am I thinking about this now?
She might pull through. She might be just fine.
All I can do is think about what is Now.
Now, she is doing okay, with full oxygen. The clinic will call if anything goes wrong. It is a 24-hour place. All I can do is wait. All we can do is wait.
I miss my kitten.
On the way home, we had The Talk. Adam wanted to know what I would do if, come Sunday night, Tuesday was not better. Would I take her home and let her die in my arms? Would I let them put her down at the clinic? It made me cry hysterically. Adam says that if it were up to him, he would bring Tuesday home and, if she died, bury her in the yard. But, he says, I am not him. He says I need to do what I feel I'd be able to handle. Could I honestly deal with having my cat pass away in the house? Could I bring myself to watch her die in a clinic where she does not understand, where she is not very comfortable? Home would be comfortable and safe, she'd know where she'd be. But would I be able to deal with the incredible emotional shock, grief, and responsibility of that? Adam says that if it comes to that, my heart will tell me what is right. I should just listen to my heart. But what if it is not the right answer? What if I make the wrong choice? Could I live with that on my conscience?
And why am I thinking about this now?
She might pull through. She might be just fine.
All I can do is think about what is Now.
Now, she is doing okay, with full oxygen. The clinic will call if anything goes wrong. It is a 24-hour place. All I can do is wait. All we can do is wait.
I miss my kitten.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
oh honey that sucks
Date: 2006-04-30 03:59 am (UTC)For now though, I just hope everything works out. ((((hugs))))