Silent lucidity

Ever have one of those vivid, realistic dreams where you're in bed with your lover, doing slow, sweet, torturous things to their body and watching their face while you do it? Where you can actively feel yourself slithering and sliding all over them, but just out of reach of where it counts, just enough pressure but not enough, so that every muscle in their body stands out straining and you hear the high-pitched moan vibrating in the back of their throat, where your hands roam everywhere and dance all different kinds of pressure in all different kinds of places, where your mouth and tongue and teeth follow that pattern until you see them arch off the bed and beg in a single gasping breath, where you have the utter sweet violent satisfaction of casually gliding on top of them, staring down into their eyes with a predatory grin, teasing just enough until you see the pain and frustration in their face turn to savage lust, and then ultimately taking them and riding them until the world disappears and your brains liquefy and your bodies melt and everything explodes so that when you eventually come back to trembling awareness, the air in the room has turned boiling hot--and the air conditioning is on.

Yeah. One of those dreams.

Sympathy, Memory

A quote from a dear friend's journal: "funny, in his arms i sleep every minute, or could. without him, the cold is more than i can bear."

And it brings my past roaring back.

I am not going give a cliche and say "I know how you feel" because...I *KNOW* how she feels. It's burned onto the inside of my skull as a black/white photo negative memory, all the nights alone in a cold third floor college dorm room, hearing the gasping moans across the quad, desperate for the days to go faster...the weeks...oh thank gods that's no more, I don't think I could take any more. Not my first. Not like that. How heart-ripping it can be to fall in love for the very first time, without touch, knowing that you can't touch yet and how, once you finally do, you must separate again and again and again and again till your insides threaten to crack and implode...and every day you're never sure that they won't...

So I give her my strength now, all of it, everything I held myself together with for two whole years, because I don't need it like that anymore. And so I may be complete and replete with the knowledge that soon enough she will be where I am now...
( Here and Now )