Effervescent, perhaps?

[brightrosefox]

Well, I am still feeling that bizarre euphoric buzzing all over. My brain is sparking all over. Tiny baby neural pathways are weaving and dancing around dead and damaged parts to form brand new tinier baby pathways. I can see them. I can feel them. Blue and purple in all shades. Each with its own sense of emotional self and frequency. Which is the point. I am still feeling symptoms of chronic pain and all. But I am starting to form this conscious communication with the whole consciousness in my body, which I have never done before. This is after just one session of craniosacral therapy with Feldenkrais Method. The therapist said to grab on and hold that feeling for as long as possible, try to direct it, keep communicating, keep listening. No fear, no worry, no fighting, no anger, no judgement, no upset, no anxiety. No judgement. Just let go. Just let be. I am going to do my best.

From now on, whenever someone suggests I try a method they think will work, I will thank them and smile, and it doesn't matter if I never try their method or take their advice. Nothing will matter except listening and communicating and understanding and knowing the inside of myself. Because I've been there. That's where I went during that altered state. Pulsing blood vessels and veins and fibrous tissue and muscles and skin and bones and brain matter and and and everywhere. I can't come back from that without being changed or altered. I'm more ME than I think I have ever been.

I will always have these disabilities. Craniosacral and Feldenkrais therapies will not make them go away. But the therapies will allow me to work with MYSELF, deeply, powerfully, intensely. And that is all I want. I don't care about finding a cure or being fixed anymore. Maybe one day... it will just happen on its own. Just because. I'm not waiting for that day.
I'm just going to live. And communicate. Hello, body. A pleasure to meet you.