Anorexia is not a choice

[brightrosefox]

I was reading an article about how anorexia may be a disease, and another personal opinion that anorexia is just stupidity and ignorance.

People who insist that anorexia is a choice and entirely the fault of the "victim" make me want to cry. I never chose to go through that torture. I never wanted to starve myself. Why the hell would I want to do that? I truly felt that something had overcome me, and I was pushed far back inside myself, beating against the walls of my own psyche, screaming. Do you really think I would have spent all those years hurting myself on purpose? It hurt to eat, it physically hurt. More than a few bites and I was in pain. Yeah, that's a fucking choice.
It hurt worse when my own mother said it, that it had been a choice on my part to continue the cycle. I don't blame her for thinking that, but then she really doesn't know much about the inner workings of anorexia -- she didn't even know I was sick until long after I had recovered.
But the people who know, and still think it's a "stupid decision" hurt me. I really don't think any of these people have ever had an eating disorder.

Comments

[suzanna-o.livejournal.com]

I agree, it's hurtful to read that kind of thing.

[queen-lily-rose.livejournal.com]

*Hugs* I Haven't Ever Had Anorexia But I Had Serious Bouts Of Bulimia {Not Something I Talk About Too Often} When I Was A Teenager And I Know How You Feel.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey... *hugs tight*

[queen-lily-rose.livejournal.com]

*Hugs* Finding Tristan Saved My Life In So Many Ways!

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

*smiles* I can tell.
If you want to talk about it, I'll listen, by the way.

[queen-lily-rose.livejournal.com]

*Huggles* Same Goes For You.

[todabrilla.livejournal.com]

Don't let the ignorant fools and hypocrites get to you.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

I try. But it can be difficult when they insist on shouting it to the world...

[todabrilla.livejournal.com]

We'll just have to be louder then. Never lose heart.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

*nods* The times when I feel myself slipping are the times I want to shout the loudest. Part of me is actually in denial that I could ever get sick again, isn't that funny? ... I think that's part of what makes anorexia a real illness. You don't always have control over how it affects you. You can recover, but it's kind of like an recovered alcoholic doing a shot of vodka. It will always be there, at the edges.

The thing about my anorexia was that I never "got" the illness from "reading magazines and seeing thin women". I got it because a bout with food poisoning made me terrified of getting sick from food. I honestly thought large portions of food was the enemy. I didn't ever think it was a problem. It was only when I started having extraordinarily irrational, bizarre thoughts of "I don't want to get fat, I need to stay thin" that I realized it was a problem. And it still wasn't a choice. Those thoughts didn't feel like mine at all.

My mother told me a few months ago that an eating disorder starts out as a subconscious decision that overwhelms the conscious mind and yes, it does take control. But it is based off of a personal choice.
I don't believe that. There is some truth to that, but I feel that the illness grabs you from the start, without your choice subconscious or conscious. Maybe it is a choice -- but it may not be your own.
I believe there is a big difference between "choosing to avoid food because of fear of getting sick" and "choosing to deliberately starve so as to stay skinny."

Good on ya.

[todabrilla.livejournal.com]

The important point is that the affliction is a complex one and is a trap that is difficult to get out of concious choices or not. I am annoyed by those who out of ignorance or malice choose to spread over-simplifications of complex issues. It's the same with those who tell homosexuals that they have only to accept Jesus to be "cured" from the "choice" they made. Such people hope that repetition and volume will quell naysayers and swing everyone to their point of view. It's the responsibility of those of us who know better to not let them trample over us rough-shod without offering any hindrance. Fortunately, there are brave souls like yourself who not only know better, but are willing to stand by their guns. And for that reason among others I'm proud to have made your acquaintance!

Re: Good on ya.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I hope more people do the same.

[wishkey.livejournal.com]

*major hugs*

For every person who is shouting that completely wrong message, there are ten thousand who are not, and even more who aren't listening. The reason they have to shout is because so few of us are paying any attention to them!

Me? Bulemia. Mostly recovered, but I do still binge on occasion. According to those people that makes me a greedy pig. Do I think I am? No. Do I care what the big mouths think? No.

I finally learned not to read articles about eating disorders, (especially online -- why should I give their article a hit?). When the topic comes up in conversation, I either steer the topic away before it gets stupid, or I walk away. I can't educate the whole world, but I sure as hell can let the big ignorant mouths know, in my own way, that people don't really want to read and hear their bullshit.

What they think isn't important, or even relevent. What you think is. Don't forget that! And you have come a long way, and are doing so well! Keep on rockin' baby

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

*nods* Fair enough.
*hugs you*
The only reason I read about ED's now is to find out what may have caused mine, how it happened, etc. Because it was so abrupt and strange, and because it may honestly be genetic. But I try to only read the ones that have no bias or personal opinions....

[wikkidgothbabe.livejournal.com]

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

Some people are truly ignorant...

[neenjacowboy.livejournal.com]

Can I say I know exactly how you feel? No... I've never had to deal with that sort of pain. But I can relate because like anorexia and other eating disorders, homosexuality is often thought of as a choice.

I think it has something to do with the fact that everyone thinks about it at some point... has the opportunity and desire to act on it, but they can't or won't for one reason or another.

Now I'm not saying that homosexuality is a disorder -- it's absolutely normal and healthy according to all the anthropologists I know. But the social stigma that comes with it... that's the problem.

One day we'll understand... we'll wake up and realize the truths we can't see now... How to embrace it, avoid it, proclaim it or denounce it. At least we've been able to see part of it through our own journey.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

*hugs you* In a weird way, I kind of feel sorry for these people; they just cannot accept what is strange or new for their way of thinking. They live so long and hard in their own world, their own faith, that to realize that things are changing must be terrifying. I can see why they lash out at us. Believe me, I understand, having recently embraced my bisexuality -- and even among the gay/lesbian community, bisexuals can have it rough -- and it's all about standing strong and taller than the ones trying to cut you down. They just want to hurt others so they feel better about justifying themselves.
Besides, homosexuality is incredibly natural, according to Mother Nature. It's humanity that has the biggest problem with it.

[sidheblessed.livejournal.com]

Grrr, anorexia is a metal illnes, who chooss that for God's sake??? I hate ignorant people like that.

[ncalrod.livejournal.com]

Have you seen or heard of these "Pro-ana" groups out there that advocate it as a life style?

Very disturbing.

[brightrosefox.livejournal.com]

Yep. Those things horrify me.
http://www.thewavemag.com/pagegen.php?articleid=22888&pagename=article