The Return To Innocence

"Sometimes the only way I know how to work through something is by writing..."
Hi.

"Now I know that the number one rule to being cool is to seem unfazed, to never admit that anything scares you or impresses you or excites you. Somebody once told me it's like walking through life like this. You protect yourself from all the unexpected miseries or hurt that might show up. But I try to walk through life like this. And yes, that means catching all of those miseries and hurt, but it also means that when beautiful, amazing things just fall out of the sky, I'm ready to catch them. "

I need this. I've spent my entire life catching all of those hurts, and sometimes those hurts are beautiful and amazing - because they live inside of me. Even the painful parts. Even the Monsters. I don't always declare war on the symptoms, I often imagine myself using psychological coping mechanisms, transporting my quiet self to a Zen garden with cats and sunlight and wildflowers, as the warrior parts of my brain battle those Pain Monsters with spears and war cries. It is a mind over matter dance that does not erode the symptoms, but helps me work with and deal with them. I apply creative writing to cope and to run to other worlds in my mind.

It is seen as Positive Thinking. But I tend to flinch at that term, because it is usually followed up with a sunshine up the ass platitude. I do apply a method of positive thinking to my conditions, disorders, and disabilities. But it is my own personal method, and whenever someone tries to insist that I use a different method, I naturally stand firm and stare them down. This is why I am happy that all of my doctors, specialists, and therapists are extremely willing to help me achieve my own positive thinking, because it is my own, and I know exactly what I want from it.
Unfortunately, it also makes me extremely vulnerable to criticism. I am probably Doing It Wrong. I am probably Wanting To Be Chronically Ill All The Time. I am probably Magically Convincing Myself That I Am Getting Worse. I Obviously Am Not Thinking Positively Enough - because my biggest coping mechanism is to write it down, and to share my newest findings with people I love and with people who understand my situation. At least, those are my assumptions. I made a few poor assumptions and lost a few acquaintances. But I moved on. Now, I am still writing, still speaking out. Now, I am determined to hold on to my personal method of positive thinking no matter who tries to change that method.

That is why I love this message from Sarah Kay. No one else can work inside my mind like I can. Each of us has the power to think positively in a way that works for us and us alone.

The next time somebody tells you that you need to stop doing it This way and start doing it That way, think long and hard about it before you even reply. Some things are just not worth debating. Sometimes all you can do is smile and nod and say "Thank you for the advice" - and move on. It is your mind, after all.

http://dotsub.com/view/e8f7d701-e410-464d-9051-eeae8a1ddd44/viewTranscript/eng

http://www.upworthy.com/watch-the-ted-talk-that-inspired-two-standing-ovations?g=2

I will probably listen to this video enough to memorize or recite most of it, and my poor memory will do its best to hold it close.

http://www.upworthy.com/best-explanation-of-religion-i-have-ever-heard-and-im-practically-an-atheist

Dear every religious person: Listen to this. This guy is a bishop, and he's better at explaining organized religion as separate from the godhead than almost anyone I have ever heard. Dear every nonreligious person: You will be nodding vigorously and appreciating people like this man so much you'll wish every religious person was like him.

This is why I'm pagan. This is why I have no religion. The godhead - a single god, many gods, a source of energy, the higher self, nature, the universe, however you want to identify with it - has nothing to do with praise, fear, love, hate, organization, community, or what each person does in life. It just exists. It hangs around in its own dimension, formless, genderless, minding its own business, occasionally feeding off the soma of belief from living beings who find it pretty and comforting. It lets those beings shape it into whatever form they can recognize most. And since it is so pretty and comforting, people look to it and embrace it. If it makes them feel good, hooray! But to invent controlling concepts like Heaven and Hell just to scare people into running like children to your arms - born again, as it were, as this man says - is not a good way to explain your belief systems.
I'll say it again, but I believe Neil Gaiman did it best with "American Gods" - the idea that all gods are a sort of Mobius strip, circling back to creating themselves out of the minds of humans until they become real incarnations and sustain themselves on human worship... Except I like to think they originate in dimensions both outside our worlds and within our minds. Not quite panentheism... more like the universe being our own selves.
See? I'm so eclectic I don't want anyone else to "convert" to my belief system. I don't even know how to explain it. This is what happens when I'm raised by an atheist and agnostic both with very open minds.

Crying. Sobbing. Full force. Oh gods. I love this, I love this, I love this. I love this.
If Ronan does "Illusion" or "Standing" like this I will be destroyed.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4TKup2Uifo

Illusion:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGuGiezVzXE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WWLwcw5YKY

Standing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGuGiezVzXE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTNqgKvkOmo

Beloved:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MuRnm3_ZkbA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCUepJnw5xQ

My only nitpick with the video is that I see fibromyalgia as a syndrome rather than a disease. The symptoms are progressive; the syndrome is static. Which doesn't make it any better. But still. It's like cerebral palsy, which is a static encephalopathy. The damage has been done. However, the maddening symptoms and problems caused by the damage are certainly progressive, and will get worse over time for most patients.

Also, it slightly depresses me to realize that out of all those symptoms that scroll by in that video, the only one I do not have is irritable bowel syndrome, although I'm sure that will happen in time.

Quite often, when I make a post about seizures or fibro symptoms, I'll get comments marveling over how calm, matter of fact, and even deadpan I seem. How I can describe every symptom without too much woeful complaint. It's to the point where I barely notice. It's just life. It's like reciting a grocery list some days.

Also, the headpain became migraine-y. I finally broke down and took a codeine. At least I can stay upright without nausea.

My only nitpick with the video is that I see fibromyalgia as a syndrome rather than a disease. The symptoms are progressive; the syndrome is static. Which doesn't make it any better. But still. It's like cerebral palsy, which is a static encephalopathy. The damage has been done. However, the maddening symptoms and problems caused by the damage are certainly progressive, and will get worse over time for most patients.

Also, it slightly depresses me to realize that out of all those symptoms that scroll by in that video, the only one I do not have is irritable bowel syndrome, although I'm sure that will happen in time.

Quite often, when I make a post about seizures or fibro symptoms, I'll get comments marveling over how calm, matter of fact, and even deadpan I seem. How I can describe every symptom without too much woeful complaint. It's to the point where I barely notice. It's just life. It's like reciting a grocery list some days.

Also, the headpain became migraine-y. I finally broke down and took a codeine. At least I can stay upright without nausea.

Stupid scene, will you just get out of my head and write yourself, already? WARGARBL. Also, if anyone tries to tell me that writing fantasy fiction is easy, I will destroy their vital organs without touching them. No, wait, that's my antagonist.

Also, these are videos of Avatar element bending scenes set to techno songs. They are awesome.
( Read more... )

Stupid scene, will you just get out of my head and write yourself, already? WARGARBL. Also, if anyone tries to tell me that writing fantasy fiction is easy, I will destroy their vital organs without touching them. No, wait, that's my antagonist.

Also, these are videos of Avatar element bending scenes set to techno songs. They are awesome.
( Read more... )

Went online and watched the newest Doctor Who episode, "The Time of the Angels."
And honestly? All I could think was "JESUS CHRIST IT'S A WEEPING ANGEL GET IN THE TARDIS."
This isn't a spoiler so much as "You'll thank me for this" sort of thing. (Unless you're phobic about spoilers and don't even want to know the title or description of the episode. In which case, oh well.)
When it airs for us Americans on BBC America, I recommend that you watch it with the lights on. Also, try not to blink too much. I did yelp a few times, myself.

Also: These are quite possibly some of my favorite instrumental songs of all time.